021: Wake Up Call
by Rhiononon
Summary: Some wake-ups are worse than others. Some are better. And some come just when they should. Rating now returned to M as some naughtieness has now commenced.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Wake Up Call 1/?

Author: Rhion

Rating: M?

Summary: Some wake-ups are worse than others. And some are better.

Disclaimer: Me no own, you no sue.

AN: So.... yeah, here I am in yet another fandom! Wonderbarr. Like I need another thing to obsess over? Well, I felt morally obligated to write this, as there's only like, four, maybe five stories out for this fandom. And c'mon, any girl who's seen the Ninja Assassin movie should _know_ that there's so much fannish potential in this movie that it's almost sickening. In a good way mind you. Part of me wanted to just jump right into some naughty-naughty smut, but it didn't feel right. Not when taking into consideration the interviews I've watched with Naomi Harris (Mika) and Rain (Raizo) – both seem utterly, disgustingly sweet. Again, in a good way. Then taking into account some of the things said – both about characters and the actors – I just thought that perhaps I should go for something softer. That may or may not wind up with a little fluffy fun between the sheets or in a shower scene.

XXX

Her chest hurt and there was an annoying counterpoint to the pain, a steady beeping, and underneath that soft whirring. Vision foggy, Mika opened her gummy feeling eyes, wondering where the semi-truck was that had decided to hit her, and if possibly anyone had gotten the license plate. Or if someone could _please_ turn off whatever alarm clock was currently sounding off nonstop at a measured rate – because she simply couldn't gather the gumption to do more than groan. Let alone chuck the offending appliance into a wall.

"You should stay still," rasping, soft, and familiar. The backs of fingers came to rest fleetingly on her cheek, "Are you thirsty?"

Swallowing, working saliva into her mouth, "Rai-Raizo?"

"Shh, just stay still, I will get you some water," the light was dim, almost not there at all, so Mika didn't see much other than the fog-rimmed shadows.

Something pressed to her lips, plastic and thin – a straw. Suddenly realizing how thirsty she was, Mika greedily sucked, ignoring the stabbing that went through her chest at the motion. Before she could get her fill, the straw was pulled away, forcing Mika to breathe. What had happened? And why was she so itchy, and her head felt as though it had been wrapped in heavy fabric. After she had caught her breath, the straw returned allowing her to finish drinking. With a dry slurping sound, the water was gone, but Mika wanted more.

"More, please?" croaking.

Raizo was silent for a moment, debating, "I don't think that is wise, the anesthesia is still in your system. They said you may throw up." Pausing, and Mika felt warmth near her forehead just before a calloused palm lay gently there, "You could choke."

"Anesthesia?" whispering, struggling with the haze that was making clear thought difficult. "Why...? What happened?"

"Ozunu," the single word brought everything back in a horrible rush.

Finding the strength, fueled by fear, Mika's hand flew up to her chest. A thick wad of bandage bulged over her left breast. Whimpering in remembered pain, the terror of seeing Raizo sprawled, Ozunu poised over him, ready to strike – and then the old monster had disappeared. And then the pain had come, it hadn't hurt at first, but the withdrawal of the blade pulling free, the floor rushing up to meet her body... All that flashed in her minds-eye. Then it had been over, Mika hadn't closed her eyes, she saw Raizo move as though in slow-motion, spring from the floor on the attack. In lightening strikes, Raizo would hit then vanish, strike once more and again until Ozunu had lain in pieces on the floor. Strong arms had slid under her, lifting Mika up, cradling her like an infant, and she had been carried free of the burning hot, dark air into gray-dawn, cool and crisp mountain air soothing the pain for a moment. Until Raizo had set her down, and Ryan along with a medic had gone to work. After that, everything slipped down into darkness.

Raizo remained by her side, the touch of his hand on her head all that kept her anchored as the memories assaulted her like a vicious animal. Blindly reaching out, Mika searched for Raizo, needing more than anything to feel that he was real. She had thought he was dead, he would have been if she hadn't foolishly rushed in, shooting like a crazed maniac. No matter that the building had been burning, that the air was thick with smoke, flying embers, or how much it seared her lungs, Mika had run in thinking only to protect him. And now, the most frightening thing for Mika was the fact that she was unsure of his reality, of his being safe.

The flesh of her palm contacted cheek and nose, her fingers digging in and pulling his face closer so that she could hold his head in her hands. Sighing when Raizo leaned forward, close enough for Mika to not stretch, relief washed Mika clean.

"You really shouldn't do that," the medical bed creaked as Raizo sat awkwardly on it, leaning half over her, only a darker shadow amongst the others, "The doctors said the surgery went well, they stitched the vessels together. But stitches can tear. And that would be bad."

Unable to keep a hysterical laugh in, "You're good at stating the obvious."

A huffed out laugh, not quite a chuckle, "Perhaps."

Scooting on the bed, desperate, "Stay? Please?"

"For awhile," he agreed, even though Mika detected a hint of trepidation in Raizo's voice. "Until you fall asleep."

There was some shifting as he settled down beside her, but Mika didn't let go of his face, needing the reassurance. A careful arm draped itself over her middle, when Raizo lay on his side, the other making a pillow for himself. The scent of his breath was warm, a faint hint of tea on it. Generally Mika didn't like being breathed on, especially not on her face as she was trying to sleep, but this time it was reassuring, speaking of safety. Her rush of strength and alertness was fading, the beeping of medical monitors now no longer so irritating, becoming a lullaby when mixed with Raizo's measured breathing soothing her back to sleep.

"You'll be here when I wake up again?" hoping.

"Maybe," his jaw moving under her hand, cheeks half smooth, only his chin feeling vaguely prickly with stubble. "We shall see."

XXX

Again, Mika awoke to pain, but it was duller, less sharp. More of a deep pressure and ache in her chest, like something heavy was laying on her. Blinking away the sleep, she wiggled, kicking at the covers seeking to get comfortable. It was the fifth time, or maybe it was the sixth?, she had woken up. Turning her head to the side, she searched, hoping to find Raizo sitting in the corner again. Every other time he had been there, slouched in the chair, legs crossed at the ankle, stretched out in front of him, hands clasped over his stomach. But he wasn't there. Frowning, Mika shifted, scooting herself up carefully, not liking his absence.

"Mika, you're awake," Maslow's heavy accent crashed into her head with easy familiarity. "The doctors were saying you'd be up soon. Do you need anything?"

Beside her bed, one of the other visitors chairs sat, containing her colleague, looking the worse for wear, "Can I get you anything, anything at all?"

Blurting, "Raizo. Where's Raizo?"

Confusion flitted through Ryan's eyes, then he shook his head, "After the raid he disappeared Mika. I imagine he had things he had to do. Leaves me in a bit of a spot though."

She almost told Ryan about Raizo's visits, that she had seen him. But something prevented her from doing so. As much as she trusted Maslow, she couldn't forget how Raizo had looked when Europol officers had looped a leash around his neck while they electrocuted him. And that had been because of Maslow. Well, his hire-ups, but even so. So, erring on the side of caution, Mika didn't mention Raizo, let alone the comfort his presence had brought.

Locking onto what Ryan had said, "So, what trouble is brewing? There's eight more clans to deal with, and -"

"Mika, that's enough," Maslow took one of her hands in both of his, "you just get better. Let someone else handle that stuff. This has been enough trouble as is." Leaning forward, earnest brown eyes boring into hers, "You almost lost your life with this bollocks. It's more trouble than it's worth, we're all lucky to have gotten away with the amount of collateral damage we did."

"Ryan, you can't expect me to accept that this is all being ignored -"

"I mean it Mika," squeezing her hand tightly, lips thinning down to a narrow line, "It's time to back off. Forever. The heat's too heavy, too thick, we can't fight this, the only thing to do is to back off. Completely."

Making a face, "Completely. Just let it go? They steal children, they kill people."

"And they have enough powerful friends that we can get squashed like bugs Mika," his grip turned painful, not on purpose, but from nerves. Mika had never seen the tense fear in Maslow's eyes, not like this. He was begging her understanding, but she couldn't. Couldn't accept it. Ryan saw through her easlily, knowing her too well, "Mika, you have to let this go. You'll lose more than your reputation, your job, you'll lose your life. And not just you. Anyone associated with you will go down."

Locking onto what was bothering him, "You've received threats."

It wasn't a question.

Neither confirmation nor denial came from Maslow. There was no time anyway, for a knock on the door, and it swung open, interrupting them. Which was to the good, Mika wasn't one to relent when presented with a problem. She would just have to be very careful from now on, and not go to Ryan unless she had serious proof of a target. He was right. More _was_ at stake than just a job.

"Miss Coretti good, you're up. How'er we feeling today?" white coat hanging from a portly frame, the doctor was older, like an Asian version of the kind one would expect to have a black leather case in hand filled with instruments of the healers trade. Gold wire-framed glasses sat on his bulbous nose, like twin shiny circles over twinkling black eyes, "You gave everyone quite a scare with your injury. But good news is, is that your constitution is different than your normal sort."

Scooting, sitting up fully on her own, "I'm fine, sir. Just thirsty and my head feels like it's packed with cotton."

"Ah," he smiled, flashing teeth so neat, orderly and white that they had to be dentures, "that's to be expected with all the morphine in your system. I'll see about getting your dosage lowered." Glancing down at the clip board in his hands, "Now, do you have any questions about your treatment, or requests?" Mika shook her head, "Very good then. You seem to be holding up well, I think in a few more days you'll be able to go home."

"That's excellent," Maslow chimed in, "but she won't be cleared for work for awhile, right Dr. Asako?"

To that he chuckled, "No, most certainly not!" Leveling Mika with a stern look, "You'll be on strictly bed rest for two, maybe three weeks. Your lung needs to heal, and so do the sutures on your blood vessels. Anything too strenuous and you'll rip them apart and land yourself back at square one."


	2. Chapter 2

An: I'm having a bit of a crisis. Chapter four seems determined to have Raizo and Mika get it on, but one, it's from his POV, and while strangely I love to write from male POV durin' the sexings (I'm female, but male friends say it's a little scary how well I can crawl into their cob-webby, perverted minds) I think it's important to go from Mika's. But also, there's the little snafu (that's actually mil-speak, not French like so many think it is, it means situation naturally all fucked up) that if Mika's got stitches on her major blood vessels, and it's only been a week, possibly two since her surgery she _probably_ shouldn't be doing anything... aerobic at all. And I imagine having sex with a very physically fit Raizo would qualify as extremely aerobic. Also, the other matter is that I think that Raizo and Mika shouldn't just y'know, get it on. She should be super sweet with him once she puts two and two together that he ain't never had access to the poon-tang. Lots of long term making out, y'know, like almost highschool/college first love sickeningly exploratory sweetness. So, any suggestions? I'm leaning towards him gettin' taken care of so to speak, so that I can sidestep the whole 'Mika has stitches in her chest, and could bleed to death if they like y'know _rip_', and 'Raizo needs some snuggly luffly make-y out-y-ness before gettin' full on access to the luv cave'. And I think it would be more emotionally accurate that Raizo jumping into sex suddenly after the life he's had (rather devoid of warmth, care and contact) he'd probably freak the hell out, run away and like, commit seppuku. Or just go on a killing spree, annhilating all the clans, then dying in a grotesque, video-game-esque final boss fight. Or going on a killing spree, annhilating all bad peoples, and then living on a mountain top depressed, lonely, and dying of old age never knowing that Mika had had his luve child. Or something like that. So! Point being – I know rushing sounds like a good idea, and the chapters begging for it.... but I need some input here ya'll. (Yes, I'm Southern. And in South Spain. G.R.I.T.S baby.)

XXX

Wake up 2

XXX

Berlin. Home. The flight had been long, leaving Mika with nothing to do but think. Even the cheap New York best seller books she toted along for the flight hadn't done anything to alleviate her boredom. And her hurt. Raizo hadn't come to her again after Maslow's visit. It almost made her question if she had hallucinated about his presence those times, but she didn't think so. She wouldn't have been able to come up with so much detail – the smell of green tea, leather and the stubble on his chin – on her own. Not even with the help of the copious drugs in her system. That, and she remembered where he had set the grotesquely PeptoBismal pink hospital cup beside her bed. It had still been there when she woke up to Ryan's visit.

Such a little thing, a tiny detail. But it helped her hang onto her sanity. He had been there, he had been real.

And he hadn't returned.

So now, back in Berlin, Mika was alone once more. The Euro-pol office she worked for had moved all her belongings to a new apartment, an unfamiliar one. Fresh and clean, stinking of a new coat of paint. Her keys chimed as she opened the locks, all five of them, and there were signs that three of them were recent additions, the wood around them bright and scarred. Entering, darkness greeted her eyes.

Part of Mika was scared of the dark, another thrilled, feeling safest with the lights off. Expectant, waiting, like any moment a voice would issue from that abyss. Standing in the doorway, gazing into the dark interior, Mika held her breath, waiting. Of course, nothing happened. No one spoke, no one moved. Empty. Setting aside her disappointment Mika flicked the switch, bathing everything in a lemon-gold light. Her desk had been demolished and was replaced by some modern, IKEA knockoff, and it sat just inside the door, patiently and with a sort of smug accusation.

"Ugh, Mika, you're starting to go crazy," muttering as she tossed her purse and jacket down. "Thinking that furniture has feelings."

"Maybe it does," the voice about made Mika jump ten feet in the air. But more likely it was just a foot. "Careful," firm grip on her elbows steadied Mika, Raizo standing there, as though it were completely normal for him to appear as if by magic.

Emotions flashed through Mika fast as lightening. On one hand she was happy to see Raizo, on the other she was furious. Giving into her main urge, she shrugged his hands away, stepping in fast and close, wrapping her arms around his waist and lay her head on his shoulder. Raizo flinched back, startled, before his own arms came around her slowly, with great hesitation. Standing like that for a long time, Mika's heart slowed down, and her irritation returned.

Pulling away, she thumped his shoulder once with a fist, "God, I hate you! You're such an ass!"

His eyes widened, and this time Raizo did step away, surprise and hurt flitting over his face before the wall slammed down, "Mika?"

"Don't you dare," yanking him back, "go, or I swear I'll never forgive you." Grabbing him into a tight hug once more, "I'm so pissed at you for leaving me like that. I was so worried." Raizo didn't move to touch her, remaining stock still, "Hug me back already, or I'll be angrier."

Her tone was soft, and Mika squeezed him harder, fighting the sniffle back that wanted to work its way out. The world she had lived was full of facts, history, numbers, and names, never any actual danger. Now the true reality of all those things she researched had been made real, her entire existence had been lifted up, shaken like a rag doll, and tossed down without a care as to how she could find her footing. Raizo had been the only thing that kept her moving through it, his inexorable stride leaving her no room for faltering as rugs had been yanked from under her feet. And then he had disappeared. The days in the hospital had moved with a heavy, dragging step, and nightmares had rocked Mika every time she closed her eyes.

It took too long for her tastes, but Raizo held her again, yet she could hear his heart, and it was thumping quickly in his chest like a caged bird before he took a deep inhale. After that it, his heart rate slowed down, almost to a stop, like he was controlling himself. Allowing her muscles to relax, Mika closed her eyes, feeling secure for the first time since she had awoken in the hospital without Raizo there to watch over her.

A kettle whistled, loud and harsh, breaking the quiet, "I was making tea," by way of explanation Raizo shrugged, disengaging from Mika's grasp.

"I didn't think anyone was here," following him, wanting to take his hand, but Mika didn't push her luck.

For some reason Raizo was here, and that was what mattered.

"I know."

Watching while Raizo moved around as though he had been in her apartment for some time, and he placed two mugs on the counter before pouring the boiling water into them. Steam rose up, carrying the scent of flowers with it, heady and sweet like a garden. Knowing Raizo wasn't much of a talker, hell he hadn't offered any information as to _why_ he was in her apartment let alone anything else, Mika decided to prod him a little.

"So next time I come home, I should just hello the house, and if no one says anything, I should maybe ask my ficus how it's feeling to make sure no one's here, because it seems that only when I talk to inanimate objects I get an answer from animate ones," leaning against the wall, arms crossed.

"The ficus is dead, so I don't imagine it feels anything," holding out one of the mugs, black, declaring to anyone in the world 'Explain to me why I need a man?', and keeping the 'I don't play well with others' for himself.

"My ficus? Really?" voice straining, "That was the only plant I've ever had that I didn't kill! I've had it since my senior year in college. Oh, damn, how am I going to explain that to Mom?"

Raizo's brows rose, "Your mother asks after.... a plant?"

"A tree, it's a tree -"

"A bush actually," elaborating, "in the fig family. From India." He thought a moment, as though searching for further information, "Assam, sometimes it is called a rubber bush." Upon seeing the question in her eyes, "It makes a good poison for making targets sick if not killing them outright."

Pursing her lips, "Fine, a bush. Whatever, it was a gift for my first apartment I had on my own. From my mom, that's why. Along with a whole bunch of potted plants. That promptly died in weeks. You kill people, I kill plants. I'm a plant ninja. Or something."

"Did you water them?"

Giving him a 'duh' look, "Of course I watered them. Twice a day."

"That's why they died," sipping from his cup.

Gesturing, "Why are we even talking about plants anyway? How did we get on plants...?"

"You wanted to ask your ficus how it was feeling."

Pinching the bridge of her nose, Mika prayed for calm, "Raizo, honestly do you have any idea how infuriating you are?" Rolling her eyes, "Because I don't think you do. You're either completely obtuse or just very good at deadpan."

"Humor has been mostly lacking in my life," tipping his mug towards her, letting her know his choice of vessel had been utterly intentional.

Finally taking a sip of her own drink, the taste of roses slid over her tongue, surprising for its crisp, almost honey flavor. It kept Mika from saying anything unwise. Like asking if she could grab him, pop in a stupid movie, and hang onto Raizo whilst sitting on the sofa, ignoring the outside world, and allowing it to go up in smoke all by itself.

"You have many mugs," startling Mika out of her daydreaming, shocking her with his initiating of conversation. "More mugs than plates."

Glancing towards the cupboards, "Maslow is always buying me mugs. It's a bit of an inside joke really." Seeing that he was watching her, waiting patiently, "A few years ago I bought him one that said 'Dad to the Bone', I thought because he was married, and on his desk there were pictures of him and some kids, that he had kids..... Turns out he has a niece and nephew, not kids of his own," it sounded lame. Shrugging nervously, "I suppose you'd have to have been there really. So, he buys me mugs – for Christmas, my birthday, Valentine's, you name it, he buys me a mug. I have a whole slew of horoscope ones that are just, well the only way to describe them is _wrong_. But funny. Wrong, but so funny." It came out without her intention, or checking with her head at all, "So why are you here?"

"There are eight more clans. And..." stopping, uncertainty showing on his face for the first time.

When nothing further was forthcoming, "And what? And I win a million bucks? And you want a sex change, I mean, I hear they do really good work in Sweden, but I don't think you'd look good in a dress. I mean, maybe you would, but, really now. That's a sudden change. And breasts? I'm not too sure about that, then again, I don't think they'd have to give you implants, not with all those muscles. A little duct tape and ta-da you'd have a set of double 'D's."

Raizo was looking at her like she had grown another head, "Are you feeling alright Mika? The medicines are they.... altering your mind?

"No," finishing her drink swiftly, "No what I mean is, is that I'm not a telepath, you have to be clear sometimes. It's like, you're about as transparent as a brick wall. I need you to actually just tell me things straight out, explain your thought process. Something. Hell, anything would do. Because I'm a good, over-glorified librarian, but I'm not so good that I can simply intuit what you mean from a simple statement followed by 'and'."

A muscle ticked in his jaw as Raizo clenched his teeth, "And I need your help. But, I do not want to put you at risk, and you will be if you help me. Yet you will not be safe until they are all eliminated. Neither will Maslow. Or anyone else who knows of them."

"What about you, when will you be safe?"

Unable to hold her gaze, or unwilling, Raizo looked away, "That isn't important."

Mika wanted to argue, it was important, at least to her, and it should be to him too. But there was something in his posture that warned Mika not to say that, that if she did he would disappear as soon as her back was turned. And that was something she didn't think she could take. Not right now, not so soon, not when she felt so alone and frightened. The calm was an act, something reflexive, because hysteria wouldn't get her anywhere at this time. Hysterical screaming, crying and hiding under her baby blanket could come later. Preferably much later.

Clearing her throat, "So you need my help."

Appearing relieved that she wasn't going to debate anything with him, "Possible locations for the other clans. I have been able to narrow down to a province in China, and that there must be a compound in South Korea. I need evidence before I go further."

"Don't you think you should rest before you do that?" taking the few steps to narrow the distance, her hand hovered over his abdomen. "I don't know how long it will be before I can get you any real information Raizo, I'm on medical leave from work. If you were a Euro-pol agent, I'd say you could use a little medical rest too."

"I'm fine, the wounds are healed," as if to demonstrate, Raizo lifted his shirt enough to show a fresh set of scars on his stomach.

Mouth going dry, Mika touched the area in awe, "That's some neat ninja trick. Wish I could do that." Except Raizo shouldn't even have marks like that on him, no one should go through the suffering he clearly had. And some of it had been _for_ her, some because of her. Feeling guilty, continuing to caress the scars, as if she could erase the pain they represented, "Even so, you probably still need downtime Raizo, no matter what. This has to have a cost for you, to do this. It has to take energy somehow, it's a basic equation."

"Mika," there was a hitch in his voice that caused Mika to snap her head up, to look into his face, and she could see the strain, the faint tenseness at the corners of his mouth, "Mika I am..." shuffling a step away, forcing Mika to break contact, "I am willing to pay the cost. It only comes from within me, there is no price others have to pay for me to do this."

Relenting for now, "Okay, I trust you," with her life, but not with his own, "but I still won't be able to do anything to help until I get back to work."

Maybe that would buy some time for him to rest. It was the best she could do, and probably all Raizo would allow her to. He could sit there and focus on saving her life, or protecting others, or righting wrongs, or haring off on some insane mission. But for now, Raizo's life was her thing to watch over,

Forcing false brightness into her voice, "So, you'll keep me company, right? I may need you to stick around and chase away any bad guys that come in the night, using your awesome kung-fu-ness."

"I have already seen to the current threats, you're safe enough here, for now," frowning.

"There's people after me, now? Right now?" Mika knew she shouldn't be surprised, but she was.

Shaking his head, Raizo continued to grimace, "No, I already took care of things. I don't know how long it will last, but you may need to be ready to move again. A month, possibly two or three. Then you should change residences. Take only those things that you must have, that which is most important if you take anything at all."

His grimness reminded Mika of how precarious the situation truly was. What she had meant as a lighthearted statement, to Raizo had a much deeper, darker, literal translation. The feeling of safety evaporated like dew under a noon sun, and she shivered once, arms wrapping around herself in a hug.

"You'll stay then, right," uncaring of the desperate tremor. "Right?"

"I said you were safe for now Mika, don't worry," side-stepping verbally, but coming closer on his own this time without Mika having to draw him in, a hand moving to hold one of her elbows.

"I can't not worry Raizo," Mika leaned forward, pressing her forehead to his collarbone, staring at the gray shirt that lay tight over his chest. "I'm scared. I'm very scared Raizo. Please don't leave me."

Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed, then, "For tonight."


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Thanks to those who've reviewed so far. I'm writing chapter 8 right now, and thanks to the input from leo_hime_san and BlueMizuki I've hammered out a little bit more of my idea. Don't worry, soon enough the plot itself will be moving further forward.

XXX

Wake up 3

XXX

Supremely uncomfortable, Raizo sat cautiously on the edge of the bed. In the bathroom, the shower was running, the smell of body wash heavy in the air. Chocolate and vanilla with hints of exotic spices like nutmeg, ginger and clove subsumed Mika's natural perfume while she washed away the evidence of her long flight home. She had asked, no begged, begged him to stay. And it wasn't the first time either. The heady terror in her voice in the hospital had eaten at Raizo until he had been left powerless to leave. All he had intended on doing was staying long enough to make sure she was alright, to watch over her while she was so supremely vulnerable to attack. Just as this evening, Mika, shaking like a leaf in a strong wind, her words strained and shuddering just as much, had come near to bringing Raizo to his knees.

He should leave. Should keep his distance. Mika was too much of a distraction when he was near her. Any loss of vigilance on his part could cost her life, his life, and the lives of future children that the clans could kidnap and so many others. And yet – all Mika had to do was look lost, frightened, and Raizo couldn't help but try and deliver her from fear.

Doing his best to shut out the sounds of water striking flesh, of the strange purple fluffy thing he had seen hanging from the showerhead when he took his own shower earlier that day, that she used to wash with slithering over her skin, Raizo sought calm. Tranquility. It was a struggle, it was rare for him to be this close to people, let alone the same person several times. Mika was getting under his skin, and it was an unsafe place for her to be. While Mika may think it was probably the safest place in the world, she didn't know. Didn't know about what happened to women he cared about. He hadn't told her what had caused the break with Ozunu, what had made him lash out, seek revenge. Raizo was all that went bump in the night, and worse than those monsters – because he only made noise when he wanted to.

Raizo hadn't thought beyond killing Ozunu and Takashi, in fact, if Mika hadn't been in the building, or if he hadn't heard her heart still beating, Raizo would have been content to let the blaze take him. It would have been a fitting end, for all he had wanted was Ozunu. That had been his life, his mission, his purpose. Now Mika was his purpose if he had to be honest with himself. She was a target for having dug into the history of the clans, for having been part of the fall of Ozunu. All that meant was, was that to keep Mika safe, Raizo had to kill the remaining clans. Failure wasn't an option. Distraction wasn't an option. The only thing to be done was gather the necessary information, find his targets, and kill them all.

A tall order, but he thought he may be able to manage. Somehow.

Faucets squeaked as they were turned off, "Raizo?"

"I'm here Mika," knowing that all she needed was reassurance, his hands clenching the tops of his kneecaps.

A strange thing, this need, one easily fulfilled with only a word, or a touch. Interaction on this level was foreign, Raizo had seen it on the streets, heard it in apartment buildings, but he had never taken part in such actions. To think that he, a killer, bathed in enough blood to drown hundreds, was the source of... comfort for someone else made his skin crawl, like he should rip it from the muscles of his body, burn the flesh and then he could be clean enough for this. Mika had seen him kill, had seen him maim, then brutally murder, and not once after their initial meeting had she been afraid of him in spite of all that. How did she do that, how could she? She would even reach out, touch him, touch him freely, as though it were simple as counting to one. Didn't that horrify her, that he had murdered out of anger, and in cold blood? That at first, how he planned on using her to help him – was as bate?

Didn't she suspect how he gained the funding for his personal war, using the only skills he had? But then again, maybe Mika was too naive to think of those facts. To question his actions may be too contrary to her trusting nature, perhaps all she thought was that he had killed to protect her, to protect himself and to kill Ozunu. Raizo didn't like this brooding, these strange thoughts that coursed through his mind. Before Mika all there had been was focus, goals. Now that was gone. And her naivete would have a hefty cost.

Standing in the doorway, Mika wore blue shorts, the ragged hems speaking of their former life as lounge pants eloquently, and a white tank top, smoothing oil into her long hair, giving it a strange shine as she tied it up for bed. Raizo knew he could pay the price for her safety, for her to have the innocence she did. He could pay whatever price was necessary to keep her happy. So long as she could look at him like that, for just a little while longer. A little while longer was all he wanted.

"I think I have some shorts that may fit you," she offered.

Raizo didn't understand, "I am fine as is."

"To sleep in?" skeptical, that little tilt of her head, nose wrinkling. "Firstly, you're wearing a belt. Belts poke. And the buckle will be cold. Secondly, jeans are scratchy against freshly shaved legs. Which my legs are, I may add." Ticking off items on her fingers, "Third you'll have to lose the jacket, I may like the smell of leather, but it isn't very comfy to snuggle up to. Which brings me back to the point of, I probably have some shorts you could sleep in."

Confused, Raizo couldn't keep the frown from his face, not fully, "I did not plan on sleeping."

"What were you planning on then?" going to rummage through her chest of drawers.

He thought that was self explanatory, but perhaps this was one of those 'things' that he had to explain clearly. In small words. "To watch over you. I will keep you safe tonight."

Turning, Mika tossed something at him, "Well that's easily done from the bed and you're allowed to sleep you know. You don't have to stay awake to keep me safe from boogeymen."

She was right, he could watch over her from the bed. It just wasn't _wise_ for him to do so. Being in female territory was alien, almost as much as being viewed as a protector rather than a killer. In the hospital all that had kept him from quietly exploring Mika was her condition and the whimpers that had come from her lips when he moved to kiss her. Guilt ate at him for that gesture, it had been foolish, but she had been laying there, her hands on his face still. Too tempting to resist. Raizo remembered how soft her mouth had been when she kissed him, even through his injury induced stupor. He had thought recklessly, what would it hurt? Then she had made a low sound, like a dying puppy just as his mouth had been about to touch hers. So, guilt for that as well as the sure knowledge that if she knew what he really was, she would recoil in horror, devoured Raizo, showing him little mercy.

Interrupting his thoughts, "Raizo, please, I need you here."

And like that, he caved wordlessly. Only turning his back, Raizo stripped, movements jerky. What was he doing? This was madness! Mika had to know what she could ask of him, demand, with ease. Behind him there was a little meep, and Raizo tossed a glance over his shoulder, pausing as he shoved his pants down. Cheeks had gone to a strange dusky pink under her dark cocoa complexion, and Mika wasn't quite looking at him. But her eyes would dart up briefly before moving to somewhere else.

Looking himself over quickly, to find what had embarrassed Mika so, Raizo couldn't see anything out of place. Yes there were more scars since the last time she had seen him without his shirt, but beyond that there was nothing different. Shrugging it off, Raizo finished changing into the amazingly soft shorts. Adjusting himself a moment, Raizo mourned the lack of support from the garment, but it would do. When he turned back, Mika had flipped the covers down, making space for him. Keeping his eyes locked on the neutral territory of mint colored sheets, Raizo got between them, but before he could drag the covers up himself, Mika was pulling them up to his armpits, and tucking them down. There was a small square of a blanket that she dragged over, worn, battered, frayed at the edges, and some form of faded silver that may have once been blue that smelled so strongly of Mika and age that he had to wonder how long she had had it. This was laid carefully over both of them as she pressed close. Freezing at the sensation of flesh on his, Raizo closed his eyes. Mika's skin was cool on the surface, still vaguely moist from her shower, and her calf where it touched his had a small amount of roughness from being freshly shaved.

Seeking to distract himself while Mika rolled half over him to turn out the bedside lamp, "How long have you had this?" indicating the small blanket.

"Since I was a few months old," laying on her side, Mika took hold of his near hand with one of hers, and hooked the other one around his bicep. "It keeps me safe."

He thought that _he_ kept her safe, "A blanket," supremely skeptical.

She laughed nervously, cheek pressed to the side of his shoulder, "Silly, yeah. Besides, it's the right size. It covers me from my shoulders down to the tops of my feet, and it's soft." To demonstrate she took a corner of it and rubbed it against his cheek, "It's my silky blanket. When I was five and had chickenpox, I would wrap myself in it and it would make the itching not so bad, and the heat in my skin would cool down."

Raizo contained a shudder, his senses had narrowed down to the sound of Mika's heart, the points of contact between their bodies. He needed distance or he wouldn't be able to watch over her tonight the way she wanted. Never in his entire life had he been so close to someone and not been fighting them or trying to kill them.

"And whenever I had bad dreams, I had a lot of them, my father was a cop and was killed in a shooting when I was seven during a picnic, I would just wrap myself up in my blanket," one of her legs wrapped around his, and Raizo thought he may scream. Warring desires sped his heart rate up, while Mika continued clearly unaware of his turmoil, "I don't sleep right without it. It's perfect, in the summer I sleep with just this and a tanktop, in the fall I use it and a few sheets, and in winter it adds just the right amount of omph to my duvet. Plus, it makes it so bad things can't get me, makes me invisible to them."

The absurdity of that comment snapped Raizo out of his torture, "A blanket. A blanket can't keep murderers off your back, or prevent earthquakes, or even a meteor from striking your apartment building. Let alone make you invisible."

Her leg tightened over his, bringing his thigh flush with the deepest warmth Raizo had ever felt, and she pinched the area between his thumb and forefinger of the hand she was holding, "I know that! But it makes me _feel_ like it can. So I can sleep. So I don't have to be scared."

"Mika you don't need me here then," pouncing on the only way to get away, Raizo thought his salvation lay that way. His body was aching, an agony that he wasn't used to, it felt so nice, so wonderful to be held like this, to be so near someone, but it _hurt_. Knives were cutting the surface layers of his flesh away slowly, flaying him, and the worst pain Raizo ever felt was seeping from the places Mika was touching so innocently. "Your blanket can watch over you and allow you to sleep."

With surprising strength Mika wrapped tighter around him, "No!" Bare cheek was pressing to his bare chest, and Raizo felt fresh moisture landing there, "Don't go, my blanket can't keep away the Ozunu, you can."

Harsher than he intended, "The Ozunu are dead Mika."

"But they don't feel like they are," rolling to face her Raizo shivered as her lips moved with her words against his collarbone. "They feel like they could come at any moment and take you away. Like _he_ may show up, and hurt you. Like I didn't rush into the dojo and shoot him." Voice cracking, Mika choked on her syllables, and Raizo could barely understand them, "Like he killed you."

That only added further to his confusion. Mika said 'take him away', like him being gone was bad. She had said 'hurt you', like his pain was meaningful. 'Killed you', as if, as if his death would hurt her. Scared her. Not her own death, but his, not her own pain, but his. And that was exactly why Raizo had to protect Mika, he had to keep safe the only person who thought he was worth anything. Raizo hadn't ever been worth anything to anyone really. Keiko had been the most caring person, but she had been touched by the life they lived. Hardened inside, not purposefully cruel, but not like this. Like Mika, who was clinging to him, scared not for herself, but for him.

Of their own volition, Raizo's arms came around Mika, tugging her closer, tucking his chin over her head. The riot of agony seared his body, but he could handle it for now. Sucking his bottom lip, worrying at it, Raizo kept his face tilted so he wouldn't be tempted so badly. One of Mika's hands wiggled between them, coming to stroke the side of his neck and the bottom of his jaw, and Raizo could do nothing but bite his lip almost hard enough to draw blood for fear he would commit further folly than being in bed with her, with holding her so close. Paralyzed Raizo waited for Mika's next move, and he didn't have to wait long.

"Raizo?"

"Yes, Mika," clenching his teeth, Raizo thought maybe now was a good time to commit seppuku to spare himself further before he did something to dishonor Mika's trust.

"You're real right?" her face came closer, "You're real, you won't leave without waking me up?"

Nodding so she could feel it, even though she couldn't see it, "Of course."

"Good," she let out the breath she had been holding, and then her lips were on his.

Really he shouldn't have been surprised, but Raizo was. Every time a woman kissed him before, all two times that is, he had been held immobile for some reason. This time was no different until he felt Mika's fingers in his hair, rubbing at his scalp. Driven beyond his tolerance, Raizo couldn't rein in his tiny groan or keep his mouth from opening under the soft pressure of Mika's lips. She broke away gently but it was horrible when she did, because Raizo hadn't wanted it to stop.

"Good night Raizo, sleep well," as she burrowed in even closer, her chest pressed to him, her legs tangled up with his, fingers trailing lazy designs over his shoulder blade.

"Sleep well Mika," whispering, knowing he wouldn't be sleeping at all.


	4. Chapter 4

AN: Okay I'm in Spain, the only way to watch Ninja Assassin is in Spanish in the theaters. Yes I saw it there twice, horrifically dubbed I may add. So, how do I know what's going on? Yes I'm an evil downloader, that's how. But! My being an evil downloader has enabled me to actually come up with accurate dialogue etc. And it has the side benefit of me imparting this wisdom: right after Mika watches the tape from the German dude's security cameras, and she's all "Who are you?" (I usually respond with "Really hot when half naked and covered in glycerin then filmed playing with sharp objects") there's about a minute of that training scene. The initial sideways flip Raizo does with the knife thingymajig he pretty much moons the audience. Yes, half his butt crack, and the lillywhiteness that all men seem to have for their little bummy cheeks shows. Now, return to the theaters and watch for it. Do what I cannot (I don't think I could suffer through N.A. a third time in Spanish or I would) and go see it in extra big screened goodness.

So this chapter is filled with some squishy cuteness, and same with chapter five. Chapter six, some plot enters, and by the end of seven more plot. Plus a _teeny_ bit of naughtyness. Some naked Raizo is involved. But no Mika. Draw your own conclusions. Besides, I had to give some credence to my claim of being a smut princess. Except it's not very graphic (sorry, generally I deliver a better.... hee... payload... but you'll understand when you get there.)

Another thing: doesn't seem to be sending out alerts to my email, so while I've answered reviews, I dunno if ya'll got them or not, and if there's been any PM's from anyone for any reason, I probably haven't gotten them. This always seems to happen whenever I start posting a chapter fic, then goes back to normal. Dunno if it's just the FFGods playin' tricks or what. So, I have replied to reviews, but if ya'll ain't got'em, I appologize for the delay, it seems the system is down.... Now I feel like listening to StrongBad's rendition of a techno song :wanders off humming 'the system is down, the system is down, do-do-da-do-do:

XXX

Wake Up 4

XXX

Raizo woke up, surprised by the fact he had fallen asleep, to snuffles and drool on his neck. Wincing as Mika wedged one of her legs between his, hitching it up higher, her knee digging into his crotch. Generally it wasn't a painful thing, but being ninja didn't mean he wasn't human. And humans had anatomy, and currently his anatomy was in its morning position, making the pressure not quite comfortable. If he had been alone he would have taken care of the matter quickly, but Raizo wasn't alone. That and Raizo certainly didn't want Mika to notice his condition either. Who knew what she would make of that?

There was a grumpy little growl, "Hurry up and snuggle me already," originating from the vicinity of his chest.

"I don't know what you want me to do Mika," fatigued despite the sleep, Raizo admitted his frustration.

"Snuggle, you know, snuggle," wriggling against him, Mika clumsily wiped away the saliva from his neck and her cheek, "Ewww. Sorry, I do that in my sleep sometimes." Her large, wide eyes blinked up at him sleepily, "You've never snuggled before?"

"No reason to," shrugging a shoulder noncommittally. She could draw whatever conclusions she wanted to from that statement. This was not one of those 'things' he was going to explain in small words or clearly. He was content to be a brick wall on this item.

Mika rolled onto her back, knuckling her eyes one handed, while the other reached for his wrist, and tugged, "Umph, then it's time you tried it. C'mere and I'll show you snuggling."

"Mika, I don't think - "

"Oh shut up and come here Raizo," yanking harder. He could have resisted but Raizo didn't, his body wasn't exactly obeying his wishes, but rather it was listening to Mika instead. "And let me cuddle you, I need a hug, and you're going to get one and you're going to _like_ it. Dammit."

Moving close, Raizo hovered, his chest and shoulders over Mika, all that held him up was one elbow firmly planted in the bed, "Is cuddling and snuggling the same?"

"Basically," Mika opened her arms, wrapping them around his shoulders and pulling him down, "now assume the position!"

"Position....?" there was a position for this? Like a stance for his katas?

Mika poked him in the back, "Yes, lay your head on my chest, and wrap your arms around my waist, because it's too early for me to stare at your annoying Greek god physique right now."

Finding himself doing as he was told without thinking Raizo sunk down, and realized that actually he looked forward to this touch. Directly under his ear Mika's special heart thwump-thwumped along happily, even clearer than usual to his excellent hearing. Palms smoothed over the backs of his shoulders, stroking him tenderly. A sigh slipped from Raizo's lips, and the tranquility he had been seeking for so long appeared. Even the sight of ugly sutures over Mika's left breast made him feel a peace he hadn't before, they only meant that she had survived and was here. Was this what snuggling was?

"It's nice isn't it?" a hot cocoa colored finger traced alongside his nose and up to his eyebrows.

"Very," agreeing.

With the sound of her heart so loud in his head, Raizo could block out the rest of his discomfort and even come to enjoy it. Sliding his hands under Mika, finishing the rest of his task for 'assuming the position'. Tension began to leave Raizo, his muscles relaxing fully, he hadn't even realized how tightly wound he had been until the knots worked themselves out. Each pass of Mika's hands smoothed away aches that Raizo had long learned to ignore, pains he had forgotten about until now, because they were gone, or mostly gone.

Mumbling into her breast, "How do you do that?"

"Do what?" yawning the question out.

"How do you take the pain?" too befuddled to think the thought through, and it's implications.

Hands stilling, "Where does it hurt Raizo?"

That brought him back to reality, "Nowhere." Pulling away from Mika, Raizo wanted to ignore Ozunu's voice echoing in his memories 'pain breeds weakness, hate weakness in yourself'. Hate yourself. Hide pain, ignore pain, and hate yourself. Those were the same lessons his parents had taught him, thrown crockery, thrown words – worthless. Stupid. Unworthy. Unwanted. Life on the streets hadn't been any better than with his family, or with the Ozunu. The rare word of praise from Ozunu had been the sole reason Raizo worked so hard. Keiko's eyes had always praised him, and only him, giving Raizo something that he craved. So, he hated himself, he had killed one of the only people to ever give him anything, including a name as he had never possessed one before to his knowledge, he was weak, very weak. As for the other person, he had failed her utterly.

He felt pain, he had just gotten good at hiding it. Pain, weakness – one and the same. So now he had to tread very carefully or he would fail Mika the way he had failed Keiko, and dishonored Ozunu.

Mika wasn't going to let him go, "Don't give me that line Raizo, it's too early for me to go put on my x-ray glasses, I'm not a morning person." Scooting to sit up, Mika leaned towards him even as he backed away cautiously, "I know you feel pain. And guess what? I do too, especially when I get a paper cut. Have you ever had a paper cut? That stuff hurts! Or even worse, if you get some hot sauce on it. Then you just want to hack off your finger or hand that has the paper cut on it, because trust me, that would probably hurt less."

She was making faces as she rambled, which distracted Raizo long enough for her to touch him again, even as he smiled unable to help himself for the crazy way Mika bounced and her eyes went wide, and then hands sliding down his back, they almost seemed to live there now, "Loping a limb off hurts more if the screams are anything to go by."

"Gross," sounding for all the world like a little girl. There was something so animated and young to Mika, "Now then, about that pain? Where does it hurt, and I'll kiss your boo-boos."

The light grip she had on his shoulders held Raizo more securely in place than any chain could, "What?"

"You point to a place that hurts, or tell me one, and I kiss the boo-boo away," so matter-of-fact, like her explanation of her 'silky' blanket, that Raizo had no true choice but to believe it could be possible. Or at least feel possible.

Awkwardly Raizo mumbled, "Everywhere."

"Tell you what, I kiss your boo-boos, and you can kiss mine and make them feel all better," her voice was soft, soothing, silken, and so were her lips where the rested on his forehead.

His eyes had been closed but now the opened, "You hurt? Where?" alarmed Raizo sat up fully, tossing the covers aside to look over Mika. He couldn't see any fresh injuries, but there was evidence on her still of the mad few days they had hunted Ozunu. Shiny patches of new skin where scabs had probably covered it shown pink-pale against the otherwise perfect coffee of her legs. Running his hands over them carefully, Raizo focused hard, searching for some other signs, some other wounds.

Mika was giggling, "Raizo! Stop that, it tickles."

"You said you hurt," glancing up at her.

Shaking her head, hair long having come loose in wild array, "I didn't mean any new owies. But I do hurt here," tapping near the wound, "and on my back too. And I also have a bit of a headache, so a kiss here," touching her temples, "would probably do the trick. Better than aspirin I always said."

Sitting cross-legged on the bed, "You are very strange Mika."

"And you're so normal Raizo," reaching out she tweaked his cheek, "I could just see you in suburbia, mowing the lawn, driving an SUV and going to your accounting job from nine to five. Yeah, utterly normal Raizo. I don't think so."

Not sure if he should be offended, "I don't know anything about accounting. But I like Nissan X-Terras, even if they aren't very good for off-roading in jungles," knowing that all too well from personal experience.

"Okay you're just plain weird, and I'm strange, that should make things easy, right?" her eyes were twinkling, like pale golden stars, and the dusky rose was back in her cheeks.

Bemused Raizo sat there looking at the way Mika was staring at him, "Is something wrong Mika?"

"Yes, you're not in a good position for me to kiss the pain away," she pointed at the bed, "Laying down is better. And since you hurt 'everywhere' that means you need more attention, and my little stuff can wait."

Raizo wouldn't categorize the wound Ozunu had struck Mika with as 'little stuff'. Nor could he see the logic of what she proposed. Yet it almost made a bizarre sense. The way her hands had coasted over his back and last night over his stomach in the kitchen, while unfamiliar and disquieting the areas had hurt less with her touching them. Hiding his nervousness – would it be like last night, these touches, where they had scaled him, and if he was honest, frightened him, or would it be more like Mika's 'snuggling'? Palms sweating, Raizo had faced ninja, scores of them, and many other types of dangerous ne'er-do-wells, yet the thought of Mika touching him made his stomach flop. It was a similar sensation to Ozunu's strikes to his stomach, which would hit bundles of nerves and thrust like a knife into his gallbladder – that was why it hurt so bad when the old man had done that, it was like his body was going to rupture from the inside out – but lower. Not only did it hurt, make Raizo feel physically ill, but it almost... tickled.

There was no way that was normal. And he didn't want to make Mika feel guilty for causing so much discomfort, mixed with his reluctance to admit his weaknesses openly. If he wasn't bleeding all over the place, muscles torn, and his guts half hanging out, then Raizo knew he had no reason to complain to Mika about 'pain', who having no training had still received what should have been a death blow, survived, and didn't complain once about being hurt.

"Mika I should leave, I have -" wondering if it was possible to back out, that it may be wise for him to simply leave and not return until she was working once more.

"No," she was caressing him again, her hands on his face, tips of her fingers brushing his bangs from his forehead, "you won't come back if I let you leave."

Had his thoughts been so plain?

"Mika," unable to find words for more.

She was tracing the lines of his face – did she ever stop doing that, he wasn't that fascinating to look at – watching him, eyes not ceasing their soft glow. They were like a cats eyes in the dark, when a beam of light hit them, pupils open all the way, leaving a thin rim of brown gold. Raizo knew he should stop this, should stop letting her distract him so much. He should be waiting and watching the building, making inquiries, breaking legs or hands, gathering information.

"When was the last time anyone touched you?"

Making a face, "Right now."

Rising to her knees, Mika came even closer, their faces not very far apart, "Before that I mean."

Curtly, "In the hospital."

"And before that? Before me Raizo, how long has it been since anyone did anything to comfort you?"

There could be many meanings to her question, to the term 'comfort'. Raizo wasn't so ignorant that he didn't know that. After all, his hearing was _very_ good. Anywhere in the world, on any street, in any building, alley or corner, the sounds of 'comfort' in many forms took place. Wordlessly Raizo pulled away, not wanting to talk about it. He hadn't ever really thought about participating in that sort of thing.

There had been bigger matters to attend to.

"I need to go Mika," scooting from the bed. Raizo still couldn't look at her.

Sighing, "I think you need to stay. Just come back, lay down, and let me hold you. I need to hold you, to know you're real Raizo. If you leave, I'll be scared again. And you'll be alone. Just, stay, right here. You liked it when I was holding you, didn't you?"

His jeans were a dark denim blob on the floor, "Yes."

Strangely the admission felt freeing rather than binding.

"Then that's what we'll do, you can use me as a pillow and I can hug you like you're a big teddy bear that keeps me safe from all the nasty things," she was holding her hand out, waiting for him to take it.

Could it really be that simple?

"I can't keep you safe if I'm otherwise engaged," even as he placed his hand in hers.

Mika bent over his hand, eyes locked on his as she kissed the knuckle of his thumb, "Weren't you listening Raizo? I'm safe only when you're with me."

So many arguments Raizo could field as a response, but he didn't. The single action of her lips on his hand, his filthy blood stained hand, broke Raizo. It was the very same hand that had planned to only protect her long enough to use her as bait, and she kissed it, kissed him, leaving Raizo in shock once more. He just didn't have any fight left after that. Wishing it was dark, wishing that sun hadn't lightened the room, shining through the blinds and curtains so that the room glowed, Raizo felt a single shiver go through him that he couldn't hide from Mika. This was wrong, he shouldn't be here, he should leave, he should run, but he simply couldn't. Mika owned him, had just staked a claim on his life that no one could cancel out with that tiny gesture.

Feeling like he had when he had been taken from the streets and brought before Ozunu as a boy – uncertain and confused - Raizo climbed back on the bed, gaze locked on Mika's hands where they cradled his scarred one. If he looked up at her, if she said another word Raizo thought he may scream in terror. There was no pulling or demand from Mika, but she stroked his wrist lightly in encouragement. Foam mattress dimpled under the weight of his knees as he crawled up to Mika. Frightened of what she may do next, of what he may do, Raizo tore his eyes from their hands and forced them up to measure Mika's expression. Still soft, still glowing – what did that mean? - a small smile curving her lips at the corners.

"Thank you Raizo," his hand was lifted to her cheek where she pressed the tips of his fingers there.

Dry mouthed, "You are welcome."

"Would you like to lay down with me again?"

Summoning a nod, "Yes."

"Okay good, I liked holding you close," bright teeth as she flashed him a smile that was blinding, cheeks pinching up, "Made me feel safe. Safer than my silky blanket ever has."

Breathing deeply, offering, feeling redundant but he had no other way of describing it, "It felt nice."

Mika lay back, not letting go of his hand but her grip was lax, letting him know she would allow him to pull away if he needed it, "I think today should just be a lazy snuggle day, don't you? We can just stay right here until we're hungry and I can call in some takeout because I can't cook worth cheese doodles with the whole bunch of empty that probably is in my fridge."

Sinking down onto the bed slowly, "I bought noodles while I was waiting for you to return." Hesitating before stretching over Mika, Raizo darted up enough to kiss her forehead, "Better than aspirin?"

Humming once, "Yes."

With that Raizo lay his head over her heart, allowing the beat to sooth him as it had earlier.


	5. Chapter 5

AN: I am well aware this is mushy right now, very well aware of it. But I think a little mushy is good, after all Mika and Raizo's friendship hasn't really moved along to the 'couple' stage, even though there's a good foundation for it. Plus, Mika being in delicate health means she can't work. Not being able to work means no researching. No researching means no Raizo haring off to kill things. For the time being at least.

Also, side note, the silky blanket mentioned in the story, yes I have one. And yes I sleep with it every night. I also have a Guaca-mole. It's a squeaky toy that is a mole, and when I was little I realized that the word 'guacamole' has 'mole' in it, it would tickle me pink every time I thought about that wordplay. Still does to this day. So that is what I named him. Yes, I sleep with him too. And a gabillion pillows. I think Mika, being the excitable type would probably like having some sort of security things that she's had most of her life, and while very girly, and almost silly, it seems fitting to my way of thinking, and so I'm letting her borrow that tendency of mine. Generally I don't write much of myself into the girls other than a potty mouth, the male characters usually resemble me more closely in attitude. So hopefully to ya'll that'll make sense. Also, while I don't think Mika is a silly character, or all that shallow, that is how she could come off at first, because unless she has a puzzle in front of her to work on, her intelligence tends to go from one subject to another seeking stimulation. It doesn't mean she's flighty, which will hopefully become clearer as I develop my version of her more fully. Mika shouldn't be simply a soft thing that keeps Raizo happy by being pretty, soft, and available, but also by being intelligent and fiercely protective of him. C'mon, she knew full well what rushing into that building could mean. Or running down to where he was locked up. Rather than fleeing on her own, seeking to only save her own skin in the here and now, she went in to save him too.

In all likelihood Raizo would have died those two times if she hadn't done anything, and probably when he was tied up to that stake, which again, Mika ran to cut him lose, even though she had promised/been told to stay inside the vehicle. So, she's actually stronger than at first blush. Trusting, naive, and a little ditzy, but also relentless in her own way. She deserves just as much development as Raizo. Besides, do you think Raizo would be interested in someone who was always weak? Who wasn't willful? The whole 'weakness' and 'pain' and 'suffering' thing was drilled into Raizo so hard, that no matter how much he may want to get away from it, there's no way he could ever do so fully, so a truly weak woman would hold little long term appeal for him. Nor would it make him repeatedly put himself on the line and drive him to fear for the other person. Keiko was strong, she was willful, and she was protective. Those are things that Raizo needs, things he admires. So, Mika being pushy and demanding, almost petulant sometimes when she wants things her way makes sense to me, so long as she isn't like that _all_ the time. She's not some spoilt princess, and out in the 'normal' world, she's rather kickass. She just can't _kick_ ass physically. Doesn't make her weak, just means she has her differences from Raizo.

Viva la diferonce! (And I probably spelled that wrong, I know some Spanish, and some German and too much English. And absolutely no French. Except for 'merde' and things that have to do with food. C'mon, everyone knows 'shit' in most languages...)

XXX

Wake Up 5

XXX

Mika's heart was breaking for Raizo as he dozed peacefully. No one had ever done this for him, not ever. His body language was as clear as cut glass, things he said and didn't say. No one had kissed him, no one had held him, no one had loved him, and if her hunch was right, no one had ever had sex with him. Honestly, Mika would've thought he had at least had some sort of encounters, even if they contained no affectionate touches. Some woman with half a brain probably would dig her way into his pants, he was just that attractive, but that didn't seem to be the case. The fact that he had trembled, barely noticeable but it had been there, spoke of how scared he had been of any such intimate contact. All Mika wanted to do was hang onto Raizo now, bundle him up in her blankets and keep him safe and warm and stuff him full of cookies and milk. To never let him out in the cold emotionally ever again.

No wonder he was so shut down.

Toying with a strand of his hair, shiny as it was, it was a little coarse because each hair was so thick, Mika ignored the rumbling in her tummy. She was afraid to move, was afraid to risk waking Raizo from what looked to be something he desperately needed. Somewhere along the line, Mika's view of Raizo had changed. Rather than thinking of him as a safety net and shield, Mika was thinking of how to be _his_ safety. Of course she couldn't kick butt, couldn't do anything to keep him from physical harm, but she could do other things. Like ignore the gurgle from her belly and tuck her baby blanket over the both of them more securely.

She was thirty-three but what she had told Raizo was the truth, just because something couldn't actually physically protect you, didn't mean that the feeling of safety was any less real or necessary. Sighing softly, Mika remembered her father. He had been the one to tell her that there was no such thing as a girl too big for her baby blanket or bed time stories or hugs from daddy. Officer Coretti had been a tall rail of a man who had laughed often and worked hard to keep others safe. Mika got his build, and her mother's smarts, but somewhere between Martha Coretti and Abrahm Coretti Mika got her personality. Knowing that she was no good at being a cop, too many issues with authority and a general fear of guns, Mika went into school looking for other ways of protecting and serving. It gave her a sense of fulfillment, and a way to be closer to her father, whom she wished was still able to give her a hug.

Whispering, "Never too old for hugs from daddy." Plopping an awkward kiss atop Raizo's head, "And never too old for snuggling up and feeling safe under blankies."

In repose Raizo looked so young, so vulnerable. How could anyone do anything to hurt him? The very thought was like the idea of dropping baby bunnies into a blender while they were still alive and hitting 'puree'. Raizo certainly wasn't some sexy, older, powerful, worldly man – not like Maslow. There was a time when Ryan had made her stomach flutter, nothing had happened of course, but that hadn't made Mika blind to his appeal. No, Raizo wasn't anything like Maslow. For Mika, Maslow had only been an idea, a thrill of titillation. By comparison Raizo appealed to the protective urges Mika had, and her own need for protection. To feel like there was a big, strong man around who would check under her bed, in her closets and keep all the nasty monsters in there from coming out to get her in the night. And to feel like she was serving and protecting someone who needed it so desperately.

That wasn't everything, but it was enough for a foundation for Mika to be curious. To want to know more, to understand more, to do more. Raizo was annoyingly attractive, and she didn't even like Asian guys, too many horror stories from her Taiwanese dorm mate – what would her mama say? 'Asian men don't like strong women', 'be prepared to clean a lot and feel shame if you don't give birth to tons of boys' or even 'oh dear, that's going to be a small penis'. As open minded as her mom was, she was still a little in the dark about other cultures, even a little racist at times despite having married a half-black, half-Italian. Even if that was almost exactly what Mai had described her brothers like, and the guys her parents wanted her to marry. Smiling at the silliness of that, Mika wished she was better at placing the Asian ethnic groups, but she was a fact finder, not an ethnologist. Which didn't mean she wasn't going to try and shuffle through the built in database that was her brain.

Raizo seemed too big to be from most of the Asian groups found in China, maybe Korean, they got pretty big nowadays. Running the tip of a finger over the fringe of eyelashes that touched the tops of Raizo's cheeks, or maybe he was Japanese. Definitely not Vietnamese, that much Mika could be sure of. Utterly wrong build in the torso, facial structure, and coloring on top of all that. Making it a game, Mika studied Raizo, allowing her thoughts to wander from one topic to another. Maybe she should buy him a teddy bear, or give him her baby blanket to keep him company so he would know what it was like to have something snuggly when bad dreams came?

Giggling suddenly at a random image – of Raizo hugging a giant, very pink, Hello Kitty.

"What is it?" sounding entirely too awake for someone who had been as limp as a bowl of jell-o for nearly an hour before.

Giving his shoulders a quick squeeze, "Funny thought."

Raizo looked almost high he was so relaxed, like he had eaten a pound of space cake, "Ah," droopy lids, the tiny lines at the corners of his eyes gone.

"How old are you?" scratching lightly with her nails at the stubble on his chin, which caused Raizo's neck to stretch, like a cat and his throat vibrated.

"What does that have to do with anything?" eyes closing.

"Curiosity," immensely pleased by his languid reactions. The amount of barriers just a little snuggling could break down was amazing, "If I tell you how old I am -"

"You're thirty-three, birth date is the sixth of October, 1976 at approximately two o'four am in Chicago, Illinois. Parents, Martha and Abrahm Coretti," reciting easily, shocking Mika, "Graduated with top honors from Georgetown University, 2001."

Mouth hanging open, "How, how did you... know all that?"

Raizo rolled away, stretching, "It's in your file."

"What file?" sitting up, frowning down at him.

"Euro-pol," mirroring her actions, "I even know your credit score. You should lay off buying things on eBay."

"That's not fair," huffing, Mika crossed her arms, "who knows when I may need a mechanical fly swatter?"

"You should learn to travel light Mika," leaning over the bed, Raizo snagged his jeans, shucking his borrowed shorts, treating her to a view of his posterior. Which was distracting Mika from her irritation, "You don't need those things at all, they only weigh you down."

Rubbing the tender yet itchy area around her stitches, "But I like having things. I haven't ever had to worry about mobility."

Denim slithered over muscular thighs, hiding the bare, scarred skin, "You do now." Zipper making a 'zinnrrrch' sound as it was pulled up, "Pack a bag today, bare essentials. Some clothes, cash, a backup hard drive and your passport."

"Am I going somewhere?"

"No," Raizo bent down, grabbing his shirt which was to the good for Mika's sanity, "but you don't have the skills to break into a mall and steal clothes whenever you have to, and avoid being caught or recorded - which is one of the only ways to avoid a paper trail. If you have to leave in a hurry I may not be there to do for you, that which you cannot do for yourself."

Mika _knew_ Raizo didn't mean to come off insulting or disrespectful, but it felt that way. Unsure of how to voice her feelings without sounding angry, Mika remained seated on the bed, picking at the tag, faded, illegible, but still intact, that hung from her baby blanket. If it had been anyone else, Mika would have snapped that she wasn't helpless. Remembering the way a sword had come towards her as she backed up against a wall, then a flying dagger attached to a chain whipping around it, yanking the deadly sword away, she had to amend that thought anyway. She was helpless sometimes, completely and utterly helpless. That was an unwanted sensation. Mika had worked hard to get where she was, to have an education, to have a good job, to have a car, live in Europe, have a nice apartment. In the real world, Mika _wasn't_ helpless.

Raizo dipped down, head cocked, "You coming Mika? You should eat. Gather your strength." He hooked a finger in the top of her shorts, "You lost much weight in the hospital. You'll need to regain it for your health."

That was too much, "Raizo, I know you don't know much about people, let alone women, but let me clue you in on something." Waving her hand at her body, then his, "Women never like how much they weigh. They don't like _any_ comments on their weight, _ever_. Unless it's to tell them they look good. I carried the 'affectionate', and I use that term lightly with heavy sarcasm, nickname of 'Stick' and 'Scrawny Britches' most of my life."

"Well you are thin," shrugging like it was nothing. "It is how you are built. But, you still need to put some weight on, now you are thinner than your build dictates."

Forging ahead, "And there's some girls who are built chunky, and you wouldn't go up to one and say 'you need to lose weight' would you?"

Shaking his head, "No, I would not go up to them at all. I don't go up to people unless I have a purpose for it."

"Raizo," temper slipping, "no comments on my weight. Or if I look bad. I don't want to know. Ever. Unless I ask you. Or if I have a bird sticking out of my hair, I'd like to know that, but not whether you think it looks good or bad. Unless it's good. No comments on girls appearances unless it's good comments."

"Fine," expression unreadable, "if there is a bird in your hair I will tell you, but I would hope you would be aware of its presence without me having to say so."

Raizo left the bedroom, and Mika flopped backwards on the bed. Did she and Raizo just have a fight? And he hadn't answered her question either. Moaning, Mika rolled over, pressing her face into a pillow, some days just weren't worth it. An unpleasant thought intruded, and Mika jumped up from the bed, her heart thundering suddenly, panic set in in seconds, and her left side began to hurt.

"Raizo? Raizo, please, tell me you didn't leave?" pressing a hand to her chest when the pain started while making her way out into the living areas. "Shit."

"What do you think you are doing Mika?" Raizo swiftly came from the kitchen, taking hold of her elbows to support her. "Your heart, it's beating too fast, calm down, you will hurt yourself."

"Ow, how do I make it stop?" the adrenaline coupled with her elevated blood pressure from irritation, mixed with fear, and now with pain, forcing her heart to go faster and faster, blood pounding in her veins, making them strain against the shunts and stitches that held them together.

Strong arms swung her up and carried her to the sofa, laying her down, "Mika, open your eyes, stop squeezing them closed." Obeying Raizo's command, "Now, think of something calming."

"That's easy for you to say," gasping as her chest tightened, Mika whimpered.

"Mika, you must relax your muscles, you must think of calm things," urgently Raizo directed her.

Shaking her head, "Can't. Can't...."

Watching as Raizo looked around, he seemed to come to some sort of decision, and then he was kissing her. Instantly the fear dropped away, replaced by pure sensation. The kiss was somewhat clumsy, but it worked, helping to break the cycle of stress-fear-pain-fear-more pain that her body had jumped headfirst into. Parting her lips, Mika instinctively deepened it as her world narrowed down to the feeling of full lips coasting over hers, pressing and moving. Moaning Mika sucked Raizo's surprisingly thick tongue into her mouth, and he flinched before moving closer. She knew when she pushed him too far by swirling her own wet muscle around his, because Raizo jerked away, eyes wide with surprise. But at least her heart had slowed down – utterly weird, because under normal circumstances she would be all aflutter at a kiss, instead she had relaxed.

"Rest now," veritably leaping from the couch, "I will make some tea, that will help. Then you must eat so that you can take your medicines."


	6. Chapter 6

For Candice - you reviewed just as I was saying "Hey, its almost 12.30, time to post...."

AN: So I conned a friend of mine into watching Ninja Assassin. She now understands why I keep saying I really need to get a bite of Korean. Sadly, there's little quite that yummy of that sort around here, no Rains or Raizos in evidence. On top of that there's no Asian food stores within walking distance of my place. I have a _really_ bad craving for Korean... And I grew up Asian food wise basically, so hopefully this doesn't sound racist **muttering **but y'see, when I was a kid my parents were grad students, and so the various neighbors would babysit me while they were in class. From the time I was like one, I could duel wield chopsticks. Rain can duel-wield swords, I can do the chopsticks. And probably totally kick his butt at an eating contest. I don't _do_ the Korean polite eating. I do the scarf-until-there's-nothing-but-picked-bones that my Taiwanese babysitter Mai and her family did. Or C.C.'s who was from Vietnam did, who was the next building over. I will pick Asian food over 'American', or European any damn day of the year for any reason. Unless I have a _really_ bad craving for beer brats. Which I do, and which I'm making tonight for dinner. Brats, potatoes, 'kraut and onions. And I also managed to con the lady who owns the little convenience store up the street, who's from Thailand to order me some goddamned Siracha chilly sauce, which will be added to my brats once they're done cooking with the four cans of Guinness I drenched them in. Stupid Korean hot actors and movies taking place in Berlin, making me crave food that's hard to get around here! **shakes fist at the sky** Why doesn't Malaga have REAL German brats and 'kraut? And WHY do I have to pay four euros to go to Marabella to go to the ONLY store that I could find that specializes in Korean? WHY? WHY? **Huffs** And besides, I dunno even how to get to that store, the Google map is all screwed up. And it's an hour bus ride from my place, into a whole different town. I mean, dammit, there's like, Chinese stores all over Malaga, but they're basically not food. Maybe some candy and soda, but it's like, all 'made in China' goods. Like Tupperware knockoffs, clothes – actually some pretty decent clothes, but they're kinda like these flea market, mated with miniature Wal-mart, dollar store, tool shops. Not food. I mean, okay, I can get vegetables here in Spain, they're everywhere, and they're great veggies, same with the meat. But sauces? No sauces baby. Nada. Okay, some yucky ketchup that has too much salt in it, and tastes more like pureed tomato with like.... cream of mushroom soup in it, and mayonnaise that is really bland – no matter that it says it's _supposed_ to be aiolli, but I can't get nappa. Nappa cabbage is like, one of my favorites. And forget about trying to find sesame oil, rice vinegar, siracha for the most part (unless you're in good with the convenience lady), or raw ginger. Let alone bok choy. Or pocky. NO POCKY! NO POCKY! Do you _understand_ the torture that is my life sans pocky? I miss my kimchi too, I make some uber yummy stuff.... And, like while I don't wanna leave Spain, I will be happy to be able to go to New Asia Store in San Antonio and know that without a doubt, I can pretty much walk in, and walk out laden with junk food (Asia has the best junk food on the PLANET), Asian veggies, and y'know, go make mom mad with the fact that the house smells like a restaurant by the time I'm done cooking dinner. But I have a question, more rhetorical than anything else – why the hell can't I get my Asian food with my Indian food? I mean, _technically_ Indians are Asians. India is part of Asia. I want to go into an 'Asian' store and be able to get my freakin' tikka mixes and ghee along with my dim sum. Dammit, do you hear me? I WANT MY ASIAN FOOD! Sorry, I've been in Spain almost three months, and am going slightly crazy. Today I had the experience of going to a place, ordering what was chicken with potatoes, and I got, you guessed it – chicken with potatoes. Chicken breast, plain, no salt, no pepper, no SAUCE, and soggy fries. Also without salt. Or pepper. Frankly I couldn't care less about the salt, but the pepper? C'mon people! Morocco is like pissing distance from here! They are the land of yummy spices! This is part of why I came to Spain! Okay, sorry, didn't mean to rant so much. My apologies....

XXX

Wake Up 6

XXX

Stuffing her face, Mika kept reaching over and grabbing the soggy french fries, "You really should try these, they're good," waving one that was laden with some kind of garlic mayonnaise under Raizo's nose.

Making a face like he was in pain, "No thank you."

"C'mon, you're girlish figure wouldn't suffer from one harmless little french fry," shoving the proffered fry into her own mouth. "And you really should take a bite out of my burger, it's good. Extra bacon, onions, topped with sauerkraut and roasted garlic."

"It smells like vinegar and lard," nostrils pinching down.

Opening her mouth wide, Mika took a large bite, mumbling around the mouthful, holding her hand in front of her mouth only out of some sort of propriety, "Bacon-kraut burger. It's beef Raizo, you're a man, you're supposed to like beef. Preferably beef barely cooked and done over open flame, coated in enough toppings to cause angina for anyone who even looks at your mostly-raw beef." Offering it to him, holding up the four patty, dripping poppy-seed bun, "C'mon, give it a little bite. It's got bacon! If there's nothing men love more than cooked over an open flame, mostly raw beef – it's bacon. I think Thierry Mugler should make a bacon perfume. Any woman who wears it will have more men all over her than she'd know what to do with."

"Mika, I'm fine with what I have," taking another spoonful of soup.

Pouting, "C'mon, try it, you haven't lived until you've had this heart-attack waiting to happen burn your belly from the inside and on the way out." Munching on several fries at once, "And lentil soup isn't all that filling. I mean, what's it got in it, where's the meat?"

Raizo sighed, "There are bits of chicken in it Mika and many vegetables. Very nutritious, you should have some, it will give you more strength than your... burger."

"Okay, how about I take a bite of yours if you take a bite of mine?" what Raizo didn't know was that she actually quite liked lentil soup, particularly from the place they'd ordered from, but when he had gone over her take-out menus that was all he had requested, so Mika was determined to get more than just a bowl of soup into him. And he said she was too skinny, bah, he should look in the mirror sometime and see all those perfectly chiseled abs. He could use a little fat too. Maybe he would be less distracting without his shirt on.

So he was unaware of her wicked plan to make him eat something, and of the fact that while she had quite a healthy appetite, eating such a large burger and the bucket of fries was beyond her abilities. Mika would be happy to settle for half the food, so long as Raizo actually ate the other half of the food too.

Another sigh, heavy with suffering, "Fine. If you will eat some actual vegetables I would be satisfied."

"Hey, this has veggies on it I'll have you know," scooting closer to him on the floor, their backs pressed to the bottom of the couch with her coffee table holding their take-out feast, "Onions are veggies, so's garlic."

"Garlic is more of an herb, and baking it in oil does little to keep it's nutritional value Mika," even as he relented, taking the bun in hand.

Doing her best to not appear as though she were watching him so closely, "Well, sauerkraut is cabbage, and it's super good for you."

Raizo eyed the burger warily, "It's probably processed. Pasteurization kills all the vitamins and lactic acid. Cooked sauerkraut is like cooked kimchi – all taste, no substance."

"You're..." staring at him wide-eyed now, "you're some weird health nut aren't you? Oh crap, you aren't going to try and force-feed me weatgrass juice or something, are you?"

Making a small sound of contempt, "No. I will eat anything available if I must, but my body requires fuel of a higher caliber than...." brows beetling when a piece of garlic slipped from the mound he was holding, "something that qualifies as an item that 'burns on the way out'."

Shrugging, Mika didn't like to see garlic go to waste, especially not roasted garlic, and nabbed it from Raizo's lap, "Just eat it."

"You said I only had to take a bite," pausing just as he had been lifting the mound of yummyness to his mouth. "Not eat the whole thing."

"Fine, a bite, but not one of those sissy bites, a big nice manly bite," demonstrating Mika opened her mouth wide, leaning close to Raizo and snapped it closed on air, so her teeth would click. "And at least have the good grace to pretend to like it."

He relented, visibly bracing himself, before taking a large bite. Giggling at how his cheeks were puffed out, having done as she asked, Raizo resembled nothing so much as a cross between a puffer fish and an irritated chipmunk. Slowly he chewed, his look telling Mika that he was none too pleased with her mirth.

"Stop glowering, and start tasting it, it tastes good right?" prodding, even as she reached for his soup.

It took him several minutes to answer – apparently he had taken more than he could chew easily. Raizo had to finish his cup of tea and pour himself a second before he answered Mika. Now, Mika wasn't generally one who stared at men, let alone the extremely fit sort like Raizo, but just like in the bunker when he was tied up, the motion of his tipped back head and the long slow swallows was something she couldn't completely ignore. She had eyes to see, and even in the middle of a crisis, there was just something about Raizo that made it impossible to not watch him closely. Something like staring warily at an overlarge hunting cat, crouched and ready to strike, even in repose, Raizo looked dangerous. Even if he was pretty enough to be in a boy band or some kind of underwear model.

"It wasn't as disgusting as it smelled," which seemed to be the only concession Raizo was willing to make.

Blowing a jet of air on her soup laden spoon, "Then take another bite, smaller and savor it. Then you can say thank you for making you try it, because it's very yummy and makes you feel like a big, strapping manly man."

"Ah, that would be a no," setting his jaw.

"Ah, no that would be a yes," poking at the monstrosity on it's plate. "Have another bite. Please?"

"Eat some vegetables first, and then I will think about it," closing his eyes, Raizo settled in to wait her out.

Seeing that she wasn't going to win this one, "Okay fine."

Taking a few bites Mika was startled when Raizo jumped up, "Someone's coming."

"What?" half-rising, as Raizo motioned her to stillness.

Raizo went to the door, head tilted as he listened, then he relaxed, "Maslow. He's alone."

There was a knock, and Mika went to get it when Raizo gestured, doing his disappearing trick, "Just a moment!"

Checking that it really was Ryan by way of the peephole, Mika let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. The visit wasn't timely, and while she cared for Ryan as a friend, she had been enjoying her time with Raizo more. It just felt more important.

Unlocking it, "Hi."

"Ah, thank god Mika, can I come in?" warily Maslow looked around the hall.

"Um, sure," not really wanting to let him in, but couldn't think of a politic way of saying so.

As she closed the door, "Listen, Mika, I have some news about your boy." Ryan gave her apartment a cursory glance, paused, then, "You have company?"

"Ah, no, no, I was just really hungry, big flight and all," Mika crossed her arms, hoping to deflect further questions. "So, you have news about Raizo? Where is he, is he okay?"

"Well, ah, it looks as though there really are some warrants out for him," rubbing his chin, Maslow winced, "And if you see him, I want you to call me as soon as you can. I think some of the other clans are pulling some strings. They want him dead too Mika." He leaned in close, taking hold of her arms firmly, "If they think you know anything about where he is, they won't hesitate to come after you. So, steer clear of him as much as you can."

All that made sense, but Mika shook her head anyway, "Ryan, what makes you think I'd even know anything? Besides, just because Ozunu is gone, doesn't mean that the hit on me has been rescinded. I told you in the hospital, this can't be ignored anyway. It's wrong, what they do to people, how they break children down and turn them into monsters." Resolve firming, and glad she hadn't told him about Raizo's visit in the hospital, "And if I did see Raizo, I'd know I was safe, or at least protected. He can watch my back better than anyone else until this is all taken care of."

"Listen, Mika," she was surprised by the fierce hug he gave her, "I know you're right, but there's only so much that can be done, that I can do, that you can do. That he can do. He's dangerous. Haven't you thought about _why_ he prevented you from being killed?"

No, she hadn't, not much. He had wanted her help. Simple. Mika had information that Raizo wanted. That was all. Wasn't it?

A hand lay on the back of her head, stroking, as though Ryan was trying to block anything bad from coming near, "You're too trusting Mika. You were bait for him, to draw them out so he could strike Ozunu."

"That doesn't change anything," and it didn't, despite the fact that Mika was upset. She really should have thought of that on her own. Mika just hadn't wanted to, "Raizo still saved me, over and over again Ryan. Even when he didn't need me anymore, when I became a burden. I can't ignore that." For Raizo's benefit, if he was still there, "I still trust him. And I wouldn't do anything to hurt him Ryan."

Mika hoped Raizo was listening.

Maslow sighed, squeezing her tighter, "Then we may have a bit of a problem. Because if the clans offer a deal, his life for yours, what choice do you think the agency would pick?"

What choice he would pick, Mika knew that at least. She wasn't stupid. Hating to split hairs, "The right one I hope. Ryan, I'll do what I have to, okay?"

It felt like lying, because she knew how Ryan would take it.

"Good," Ryan released her, "now, I don't want you to worry, I'm going to take care of everything and do whatever I must. This whole business with these sodders is an utter mess, and if I didn't want to make sure you stayed close so I can help whenever you need it, I would tell you to really go on holiday. Get away from it all. Throw the trail. Under most circumstances, I would. In this one, I don't think I can, not with what's at stake."

Nodding her understanding, "Got it."

"Do you Mika?" the corners of his mouth went tight. "This isn't a drug cartel, this isn't a crime syndicate. It's not the Triads, it's not something that you or I can strike at."

Raizo could, Mika was sure of that, "Tell me about it." Hugging herself, "Maslow, I have a question."

"What?" he had been moving to leave, but now he stopped.

"If I came up with locations for the other compounds of the clans," forging ahead, "with solid leads, solid proof. Could we mobilize again the way we did against Ozunu?"

"_If_, you could, I may be able to arrange something," uncertainly. "It would be a very, very tough sell to the higher ups. But if it was better planned out than last time, then probably. Would look good on their resumes."

Locking onto that, "So if I could, and if the compounds destroyed, the clans were disbanded – would Raizo be safe then and not just us?"

Maslow thought about it for a moment, "I can't change the warrants if they're real Mika. But if your boy could say, change his identity or at least cover his tracks better, I'm sure there's divisions that would hire him for his.... shall we say, 'expertise'."

That was more than she had hoped for.

Impulsively Mika hugged him, "Thanks Ryan, I owe you."

"Don't make me regret it Mika, and I still want you to tell me if you see him, and keep clear," and then he left.

Locks slid into place, "You can come out now."

"If he makes a deal with the clans, or if your agency does, they will not be honored," Raizo's face was inscrutable, closer to the stone carving he had resembled when he first stepped from darkness.

"I know that, he knows it too," not sure exactly what she was supposed to do now. "And I wouldn't turn you over to them anyway." Not on purpose.

"I know," accepting it easily.

"So, ah," clapping her hands once, "let's finish our food, hey?"

Raizo made no move to return to their meal, his eyes narrowed, "You don't have any comments."

Blinking, thinking, Mika realized what he meant. Smiling for his benefit, "No Raizo, it makes sense, keep your eye on their target, and when they move to strike, that's when you do. But like I said, I still trust you and I wouldn't do anything to hurt you." Broadening her smile, "Except poke you. You look like you could use a poke in the side right now, maybe a few, you look like the poster child for some cult on stoicism. Or maybe one of those guys in some cheesy kung-fu flick saying that my kung-fu is good, but yours is better."

"This isn't a game Mika," at the ready, and Mika could see the way his muscles were tight. She probably shouldn't be able to tell, this was a man trained to hide any physical evidence of what he was going to do next, but it looked like he was waiting for a fight. "You make very good bait. You're still bait. If I wait long enough, more will come. With or without any information you could dig up, you're useful that way."

Thrusting her chin out, stubborn, "More will come whether you're here or not, at least if you're here you can kill them. I stay safe, you kill the bad guys, everyone gets what they want." Inching closer slowly, approaching Raizo like he was a skittish animal, "In the end it isn't always why you do something, but that you did something at all."

Raizo had done much, a lot more than simply use her as bait. A blind man could see that. Could hear the incredulous regret in his voice when he asked why Maslow had staged his capture, could feel the resignation when he said they would all die together if she wouldn't leave, could see the relief when he got in the car, broken and bloody upon seeing her alive, could hear the anguish when he begged her to run. The rage, the soul deep agony that Mika hadn't thought humans were even capable of when she fell, Ozunu's blade in her back. He was human, and strangely Raizo had fixated on her. That was an epiphany, that Raizo had locked onto her, that she had actual power over him, could hurt him, truly wound him. Her pain was real to Raizo, just as his was to her. Beyond touched, Mika continued to move towards him, she wanted to show Raizo that he could trust her with what he had given her.

She would have to be cautious, and not scare him away but he wasn't going to do anything on his own without serious prodding. Better to push him a little too far, than not at all.

"Life, is rarely so simple," taking a firm step away from Mika.

Shooting off her rejoinder, "And sometimes it is. If you feel like you have to make it up to me, you could give me a hug and stop running away."

He probably needed that hug more than she did, except Raizo didn't respond to his own needs, didn't acknowledge them. But Mika's needs, her wants, Raizo reacted to those, and he didn't fail her this time either. Raizo didn't look at her, even turned his head away, but opened his arms enough to indicate he wouldn't stop her from taking the embrace she had asked for. Going up to him, closing the distance, and rather than wrapping her arms around his waist, she reached up around his shoulders, pulling him down far enough so he was forced to lay his head on her chest. That seemed to be a chink in his armor, seemed to be the only time he stopped fighting at all.

He twitched once before taking hold of Mika, pressing his ear close to her heart, eyes closing. Smiling, Mika stroked Raizo's head, glad he had let her do this. Glad he had handed this power over to her. She would use it to protect him, from others, and from his history however she had to.


	7. Chapter 7

AN: Okay, I REALLY need some help here. In chapter 12, Raizo's touching Mika's hair. One problem – beyond the fact that it's soft, possibly somewhat stiff, as the style that Naomi Harris wears in the movie looks like it might be a little bit... I dunno how to describe it. And I've looked around online, trying to answer the question "What does a WoC's hair feel like?" or "What is the general texture for chemically treated WoC's hair?" which made me feel stupid even as I tried to be as politically correct about it, like I was evil for being white on the few places I found any real info, or simply ashamed at how people of my ethnic group acted (and from some of the blogs I read, they really should be drawn up and quartered – someone went up to a woman's kid and was petting him like he was a dog, commenting on his hair...) and mostly it was the 'some white woman came up and patted my afro without asking' kind of blog. Which, again, made me feel guilty for being curious, as y'know, I like detail, and I like to be accurate. So. If someone could possibly answer my question, and hopefully not be offended by it, please do so! Cuz I know what cornrows feel like (pretty freakin' spiffy if you ask me) as that's how my friend Kayla always wore hers back in elementary school (she would distract me in class by doing my hair nonstop as she sat behind me, very, very soothing, and I had to beg her to let me touch hers, which she was always saying 'don't mess it up, mom spent lots of time on it', and I never did, I figured hey, she played with mine for four hours which were wonderful, why not lemme play with hers if it feels so nice? - :wonders:Would Raizo find it soothing to have Mika playing with his hair like that at some point? All brushing it out, playing with it, brushing it some more?), and dreadlocks courtesy of my friend Micah from high school. So, feeling painfully ignorant and praying to not be offensive, somebody answer this for me, please? Do it for the story, do it for Raizo who's currently fiddling with a sleeping Mika's hair...!

Also, the pattern has been broken, seventy visitors to chapter 6, and no reviews. That's also more than most of the other chapters got initially visitor wise I may add. Not beggin' for reviews, just sad that the five then two then five then two review pattern that was going was broken.

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Wake Up 7  
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Opening one of the suitcases he had brought from his apartment Raizo pulled out a set of clean clothes. He had left Mika only long enough to take them, and check to see if any messages had been waiting for him. There had been none. His contact in China wasn't due to message him for another three days anyway, and the yakuza spy had already handed over the information he had needed to find the most recent assassin sent after Mika. The heavy, titanium chased case held neatly folded clothes, the sort cut for mobility, and the sort that helped Raizo blend into the masses. Almost anyone looking at him would simply assume he was a college student, all his visas declared the same. It was all completely contrived, purchased with blood-soaked money.

He had almost forgotten for a moment that he didn't belong in Mika's world in any capacity. Maslow's visit had reminded him of that fact very clearly. Raizo's life was ordered, everything in it's place, everything exactly where it should be, filled with targets, goals, and money. It afforded him some luxury, a studio apartment, practical clothing, and ways of purchasing new weapons as needed, or any tools necessary to carry out a hit. Cars, bought and discarded as need dictated, phones – again, thrown away when he was finished with them, anything in his life was like this. There were no silky blankets, no clutter. No mechanical fly swatters, no ficus bushes that went from residence to residence with him.

Nothing like Mika existed in his life.

A neon pink scarf held her hair up, a pair of black leggings and teal t-shirt along with one of her cardigans covered Mika where she sat, reading as he changed. When Raizo had returned, she had been panicky, even though it had only been an hour and he had warned her it may take two. Since then she hadn't let him go anywhere in her home without her being practically on top of him. He even had to leave the door to the bathroom open. But Raizo had found himself acquiescing before he even could think to say no. That was a problem, he couldn't stay here, in her world, and Raizo would never try to bring her into his, it was a place that would only hurt Mika, a place she would never belong.

"Wow, even your socks are folded," Raizo glanced up to see Mika watching him, the book, with it's painting of some sort of space ship emblazoned brightly on it, sitting atop her knee. "Can I keep you? I mean, the butt kicking aside, you do laundry. I hate laundry day. You can be Lucy and I can be Ricky Ricardo. I mean wow, really folding everything so neatly, not even Mom does that." Gesturing like she was throwing something into a container, "Panties, bras, socks, boxers – whoomp! All in a big mess in your drawer. And don't get me started on what she does to shoes..."

Again, Raizo was reminded how foreign he was, "I don't use drawers. Only suitcases."

"Makes it easier to pick up and go," nodding her understanding. "You could put some of your stuff in one of my drawers. That way you always have a place to return to, so no matter how often you have to pick up and go, you can come back somewhere at least." She popped off the bed, and went to her chest, tossing things out of the top drawer and into the next, "You can use this one."

She couldn't know what she was offering him.

Uncomfortable, a state he had been in almost constantly, Raizo ignored the offer, "I am going to meditate."

"Okay, you ah, do that then, and I'm going to read my book, and I'll be very quiet." Just when Raizo had settled into position, "So, hey you know I have a lot of books. All kinds, military history, anthropology, science fiction, fantasy, sociological studies, some trashy romances chock full of bad euphemisms... If you get bored you could read one of those, feel free. Lots of cheesy movies too, bet there's something in my collection that would interest you if you dug around. Mi casa es la suya and all that."

Raizo's Spanish wasn't very good, but he had done enough traveling in South America for work that he knew what she said. 'My home is yours.' How was he supposed to clear his mind when Mika kept offering him these things? Unsettled, Raizo focused on his own heart beat, hoping it would drown out the frantic mumblings of his brain. But, it didn't work. Couldn't, not with the tantalizing concept of a home hanging like a single bright red apple from a barren tree before him. That wasn't an option, a home, a home could be found and destroyed. Taken away, dashed, ruined.

Allowing his eyes to slip closed, Raizo breathed deep, thinking of red apples, drawers, bookshelves lined with knickknacks and all manner of clutter. Suddenly Raizo wanted very much to place his belongings amongst the insanity that was Mika's possessions, to mix his things with hers. He didn't, but Raizo wanted to so very badly. At no point in his life had Raizo had a place to return to that could be called a home. Keiko had been his only real family, and with her death, he had been alone. No family, no home – and here Mika was, virtually demanding that he accept her home as his, and her as his family.

Memory assaulted him, the stink of overflowing gutters, stained tenement buildings that leaned drunkenly, far too outdated to be safe, and the apartment where his first years had taken place. Concrete floors, peeled paint, a mother who was drunk when she was home, ready to smack him around if he bothered her too much. She would laugh at him when she called him 'seki', other times the desiccated whore would lament that having given birth to him was the source of all her problems. That she could have gone to school if it weren't for him, that she could have made something of herself. At some point she had shoved him outside and left the tenement, never returning. From then on he had been on his own, filching food when he could, begging for it when he couldn't, and going hungry when neither tactic worked. People had kicked him, spat on him, ignored him. No one had welcomed Raizo, a filthy, nameless child. In the end, Raizo didn't know anything more about that time before, other than Korean had been his first language. Learning Japanese hadn't been easy, but at the Ozunu compound there was a hefty price for failure, and food was the reward for success early on. Eventually he had been given a name once deemed 'fit' enough to join the other children who had names.

Even now, whenever Raizo went to Korean speaking areas while working if he heard someone say seki, he almost responded. Or when he felt he had succeeded at something, Raizo felt no shame in eating until he could eat no more for a single meal. And he never drank a drop of alcohol. Ever. The very smell of soju made Raizo sick. It was good for nothing except for use in making certain poisons, but any highly concentrated alcohol would do in those cases, so no rice alcohol of any sort was kept on hand. For any reason.

Mika, true to her word didn't do anything else to interrupt him but it didn't mean her movements were quiet. The clear sound of one of his suitcases opening was loud, which was followed by the top drawer being opened. Tensing, Raizo knew exactly what Mika was doing.

"That's enough Mika," taking action, "put them where they belong."

"Okay," that iron was back in her voice, the soft thud of cloth hitting the wooden bottom of her dresser, and then the drawer was slid home. "I put them where they belong, and you can go back to meditating."

Unfolding himself, "Move aside Mika."

"No," hopping onto the top of the chest, her legs locking over it. "It's just a pair of boxers and a shirt Raizo. Leave it here so you know you can come back."

Lip curling, "I know I can come back whenever you need me Mika."

"You can come back any time Raizo," Mika's voice was hard, and Raizo realized that she wasn't going to be moved short of him physically picking her up and throwing her. "And so you don't wind up stuck wearing my clothes if you come here and decide to stay for any period unprepared, you're going to leave some of yours here."

The logic may be sound, but there was more than logic to what Mika was saying. It appeared she had laid claim to him in more ways than just his life. His life was something he could give up easily to protect Mika, and others lives were even easier for Raizo to use to pay for Mika's protection. Mika wasn't going to give him a choice in the matter, even if he lived after the threats to Mika were canceled out and never returned to Mika's physical sphere of influence – she would always own him. Suddenly feeling trapped, Raizo clenched his fists, staring her down.

"I told you," grinding it out, "that that's enough Mika. This is not your decision to make."

Mika only kept looking him in the eye steadily, her heart speeding up then slowing down the only indication of her nervousness, "There'll always be space here for you. It'd be a shame to let it go to waste Raizo. You can come and go as you please, that's your prerogative, but you have a place here too. You can't change my mind." Crossing her arms, "Someone once said that once you save someone's life, you're responsible for that person forever."

Like a slap in the face, that's what that felt like.

Recoiling without having intended on it, "The clans will be killed. I already said I would watch over you."

"I wasn't talking about you being responsible for me, Raizo," another blow.

Backing away, cornered, Raizo growled, "Enough Mika. Enough."

Using the skills he knew best, Raizo appeared to vanish before her eyes. He couldn't remain in the apartment with Mika. Not right now. Raizo didn't want stay long enough to hear Mika beg him to stay.

Rather than beg, Mika only called out, "Please come home soon."

Slipping from shadow to shadow, the late day sun affording him more than enough for him to use, Raizo burned energy to move so quickly. There was a cost to forcing the mind to control the body, strength sapped from his limbs with each gliding step. This was not the intended use for the skills Raizo had, but they served, preventing him from having to go onto the sidewalks and be jostled by those on Berlin's streets. He would be left no choice but to consume a large quantity of calories when he returned to his own apartment. It was the only place Raizo could think to retreat to, the only place that he could stretch out, could burn energy. Except he was burning energy at a truly phenomenal rate. Seven kilometers he traveled via shadow, approaching one, stepping into it, and gliding to the next. If anyone saw him they'd think he was just another shadow amongst the shadows, rendering him functionally invisible. But the body wasn't meant to do that, it was a mind thing, thinking of oneself as shadow, of dimness, gray – a state of mind, a state of will ordered the body to action. Minute control of every muscle, coiling and uncoiling, contracting and relaxing upon a flash of thought. Extreme awareness of each molecule in his body, in the chemicals of his brain, down to the smallest twitch was what allowed Raizo to move like that.

He had gotten far more practice than the Ozunu clan could have ever given him, out in the real world rather than practicing in the dojos, in the gardens – the 'security' if not 'safety' no longer there, Raizo had been forced to truly learn. Ozunu had only given him the basis for his skills, planted ideas, and out here among so many people Raizo thought their very existence appalling he honed everything his mind contained.

Sink or swim, life had given Raizo crash courses in functioning and surviving from the very start. When he had fallen to the water, it had been like a messed up reenactment of birth as he struggled to heave his way to air. From there life only became more difficult, and now Mika had been thrown into the mix. She had saved his life. Irrefutable fact, one he had admitted to before witnesses even. Did that mean she wanted him to live in her world?

Cursing internally, Raizo sprang over a dumpster. The more time he spent in her world, the less Raizo could keep his skills sharp. Life had made it very clear that he had to keep those abilities ready at all times, Mika's softness would destroy his resolve, the strength she relied on would evaporate if he acted like she wanted. Only out here, where people were just obstacles or targets could Raizo do what was necessary. All Raizo should do was serve as Mika's buffer against the harshness that was behind those facts and figures she knew so well. If she were to be his purpose, his responsibility, Raizo would need to recenter himself to get through what would come soon enough.

Pushing himself the last bit, Raizo sped up his buildings' stairwell and into his studio. Closing the door, locking it, Raizo pressed his back against the wood, panting. Limbs heavy, Raizo sank to the floor slowly, if he was to be Mika's protector he couldn't let himself be her responsibility. But Mika was determined to countermand his ability to do his duty. To break down the armor that protected him so that he could protect her.

Raizo couldn't let Mika do that. Resolved firmed, Raizo changed into the lose pants he wore to train his body. Work first, food second Raizo ignored his body's demands with practiced ease. And with long familiarity with the fact that the will and mind superseded it's requests, his body ceased complaining, relinquishing with little fight the needed strength for his training. Over too quickly, Raizo finished after a brief forty minutes, unable to take too long. It was almost dark, and that would be the time Mika was most vulnerable.

Wiping sweat from his brow, Raizo neatly set the katana back in their hidden area that flipped out from the bottom of the wall. Again setting aside his need for food, Raizo moved to his bathroom. He wasn't going to return to Mika filthy, he doubted she'd appreciate it. And her facilities weren't exactly set up the way he preferred. Soap was a harsh way to clean oneself, the chemicals leaving behind distinct, easily followed smells, and stripped the skin. Unable to remember the last time he had used soap, Raizo tossed his pants aside, grabbing the bucket of safflower oil that sat beside his tub he pulled it closer. Virtually odorless, safflower oil left little residue behind, and removed dirt just as well as soap, it merely required a little more effort. Much better than the heavily perfumed stuff most people used. It was also useful for not marking Raizo with a strong, distinctive scent.

Stepping into the tub, squatting, Raizo ladled oil over his body, then rubbed it in. Once it had begun to absorb into his skin, he poured more over himself, then took the small wooden scraper in hand that he used to remove dirt and oil from his body. With long smooth passes, clean skin was left behind, and like the oil that he shook off with a flick of his wrist, Raizo was able to shake off his disquiet. Finished for the most part, Raizo moved to rinse himself free of the last of the oil. Deciding to indulge, he added cool water to the mostly scalding that was his usual, allowing it to cascade down his body once he flipped the shower on.

[REDACTED]


	8. Chapter 8

AN: Thanks Leo Hime San, Cbarkins, Kris89 (I will go back and edit the smell of her hair, I have a wig shine that smells faintly grape-y, so may insert that instead), and Candice (hope your nephew is okay) for the intel. Any further suggestions anyone has are more than welcome. I am woefully ignorant and freely admit it. Writing is always viewed through the lens of one's own upbringing and experience. What mine always taught, was that pretty much anyone was just like me, no matter how 'different'. We all have two eyes, two ears, two arms and legs, as a general rule of thumb, and so that's how I write. But, that is not always accurate when writing characters of different ethnic or financial backgrounds, etc. There is only so much guessing that one can do, and while the internet and friends (if you have any who do) who come from the background you're writing about can give you. No matter how much you put yourself in someone else's shoes, you will never truly understand everything they have seen, heard, thought or experienced. You can't, but you can try. And trying is a step towards remembering that in the end, there's actually only one race: homo sapiens sapiens. That's you, me and everyone else walking around. In anthropology, Dr. Volweiler always said he got mad when he saw questionnaires that had "what race" are you on them, because what they're really asking is what ethnic group you belong to. Not what group of human you are. Homo erectus was a different race from you and I, but still human, homo astrolopithicus, while human is also of a different race.

Mika is simply a woman, and Raizo is simply a man. Each have backgrounds that are similar in some ways to ours, and different in others. There's a more subtle nuance that's much less obvious than Raizo's when it comes to Mika to my way of thinking. Raizo was brought up in a very specific way, with little change, and we can basically see that and understand it quite clearly, in fact he's not even really 'Asian' as how he grew up isn't accurate to the main part of the culture, making him non-ethnic at all except for physical demarcations. Mika grew up in the States, which has so many more issues with varying views and classes and education levels without having to toss in the fact that she's a WoC. Frankly this makes her so ultimately intreguing and difficult at some moments to write as she is both just like you and I, and for some of us entirely different. Not Other, but different. Just like the guy up the street who's dad's a pastor, and the girl in school who's got an engineer for a mom, or the kid across the street who's dad's a carpenter or mechanic. So, hoping that if anything in Mika's character comes off incorrectly, either because she's had a cop for a parent (none of my friends had police parents, just lots of military ones), because this isn't about a single piece of Mika's life, but the whole of it.

In the end, the cynical part of me wonders if any of us ever know another person, and how they feel, and if we ever realize how ignorant we truly are. Ignorant of ourselves, our impact on others and the world, and ignorant about each individual in our world. A self-professed hypocrite I may be, but I'm honest about it, and honest that I'm not all-knowing, all-understanding, no matter how much I wish I was. I wish I understood everything and everyone, then maybe, I'd understand myself. Funny, I hadn't meant for any of that to actually come out, and it's rather philosophical/political/anthropological/societal, but this story kinda brings it out in me. I read somewhere about how someone was happy to see an American made film for the general viewer that had a sexualized Asian male. They said "It's always been Asian guys kicking ass, but not getting any." While progress has been made in cinema and television, heck even books, so long as it's an issue that we have to think about, to work so hard on, we haven't come as far as we hopefully shall in the future. When it becomes a non-issue what religious, socio-economic or ethnic group a character comes from, that we don't have to say "Wow, cute Asian guy getting really cute WoC," or "Wow cute Venezuelan guy getting really cute German chick" etc, when we don't have to think 'wow' at all and simply accept the character as an individual, then we'll have gotten somewhere. When I saw Ninja Assassin, I didn't think any of that – I only thought "Oh dear god, he's delish, and she's just so beautiful. I wanna see'em make it! Bet if they had babies they'd be so painfully cute and beautiful in one...." Which is what I think about the Suspian fandom, "Bet if Prince Caspian and Queen Susan were to get between the sheets, they'd make some super cute babies!"

Unfortunately for some it is a surprise, and for others it's a point of pride. Or fortunately, whatever. We all need to be shaken up a little bit, to remind us of our place in this world as people. Sometimes we need to be reminded that we don't know everything, that we don't understand everything, and that no matter what we do understand and know, that there's always more beneath it. There's always another layer.

Strange, I honestly didn't mean to go on this tangent, but for those who read it, thanks. All I had meant to do was take two characters that I thought should have some air time and give them exactly that. All I had needed was a little bit of description, because I simply didn't know something. And that re-opened a whole can of worms and various deep thoughts.... But, like the commonly attributed to Freud quote "sometimes a cigar is just a cigar", sometimes a story, is just that. A story.

For everyone who answered my questions, please accept my humble thanks. I had a very unpleasant experience on YahooAnswers the last day or so while I had the same question up, and got static from so many different people, that I wanted nothing more than to crawl into a hole and cry. It was horrible to think that others would take a question intended for accurate portrayal, that I know makes me sound ignorant (because I am), as something offensive. It's understandable because there are many _rude_ ignorant people in the world who ruin it for those who want to know pretty much anything. Heck, I had a similar response when asking about the care of a tattoo, over half of what I got was troll responses and static. Weird, sometimes I wonder if the internet has any couretsy left, and then everything gets fixed again by normal people reminding me that nope, there's normal people out here and not just those trolling for power.

So, with that, I hope you enjoy this chapte that I'm posting early. And that for you, it's not simply a story, but also something that makes you feel anything at all. Disgust, happy, silly, wiggly, or just a bit of anger – so long as feeling is evoked I am happy. And if this for some reason causes deeper thought, and possible analysis of the world and how media tells us it is, then cool beans.

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Wake Up Call 8

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Carefully unlocking the patio window Raizo entered Mika's apartment. There was no movement, but there was the soft sound of her breathing. Good, she was asleep and not quaking in fear, putting undue stress on her body. Making a cursory check of the rooms before entering the bedroom, Raizo saw signs of the furniture having been rearranged. The desk had been taken apart, and stacked off to the side, sandwiched between the wall and the sofa which had originally sat in the center of the living room. Everything had been moved to the sides, easing the cluttered feeling. Eyebrows bouncing up in surprise, Raizo wondered why Mika had done this. It was like she had made space for him to stretch, to exercise, further evidence of his welcome.

There were also signs that pointed to Mika having gone shopping as well, the fridge was stocked as were the cupboards, most of the items within leaned heavily towards Asian. Making a face, did Mika think all he ate were similar to the stuff like what was staring at him with a cute little white blob on it's packaging declaring it as 'genuine kimchi'? Or enough buns, dumplings, wrappers, and nappa cabbage to choke a horse? At least there was tea, sitting in a black canister next to a white electric kettle that had that fresh, new plastic reek hanging heavily on it still. Before he could let himself have any of what was on offer, Raizo checked on Mika finally.

Atop her blankets, a line of pillows had been laid out from the top of the bed to the bottom, and Mika was wrapped around them like they were a person. Jerking when he realized what she was wearing, Raizo stopped at the threshold. A pair of his shorts which were too big for her tangled around her waist, and the shirt he had been wearing the day before had wormed it's way half up her chest, exposing the underside of a breast. Her ever present blanket was wadded up under a leg, the bottoms of her feet were startlingly pale compared to the rest of her. Entranced, Raizo approached slowly not noticing the faint smell in the air until he was almost over top of Mika.

Giving a cautious sniff he identified it.

Brandy. Wrenching his gaze away from Mika's prone form, he saw on the nightstand beside her lamp, the bottle of antibiotics, steroids and painkillers. A shot glass and a half empty bottle of brandy sat beside the orange medicine bottles.

Alarmed, Raizo shook Mika, "Wake up, Mika, wake up."

"Mph, five more minutes," not opening her eyes, Mika burrowed her face into the nearest pillow.

"Mika," a hard edge creeping into his voice, "Mika wake up now."

"Whut? Raizo, what is it?" bolting upright. "Is something wrong?"

Grabbing the deep brown bottle, shaking it accusingly, "What do you think you were doing?"

"I couldn't sleep, so I had a drink," rubbing sleep from her eyes.

"Alcohol cancels out antibiotics, Mika," locking his jaw, leaning down so they were nose to nose, his disgust palpable, "it makes a dangerous mix with opiates. Your body is already weak, and you thought it was a good idea to drink with all that is already going on?"

"I only had a little," sounding like it was perfectly reasonable.

Sputtering, "Half a bottle of brandy is 'only a little'? Mika, Mika, you shouldn't do that. You shouldn't do this to your body. It's _poison_. It's, it's _grotesque_!"

Raizo hadn't smelled the vile spirit on Mika before, not when he met her, but half a bottle in a few hours spoke of serious illness. Storming into her bathroom, Raizo jerked the top off, and upended the contents into the toilet. Mika clearly had a problem, and Raizo, who had taken it upon himself to guard her, apparently now had to guard Mika from herself as well as from outside threats.

"Hey!" Mika wrapped a hand around his arm, jerking it, making the brandy splash all over, "What do _you_ think you're doing? I've had that bottle almost two years!"

Snarling, "Doing for you what you can't do for yourself!"

The last of the brandy was in the toilet bowl, and Raizo pushed the button viciously, flushing it away. Where one bottle was, there must be more Rraizo was sure of it. Tearing through the house, he yanked drawers and doors open wide, searching, sniffing for the tell-tale stench. In the last place he looked, the most obvious, there were six bottles of liquors, mostly flavored schnapps. All of it was poison, and all of it would go.

"Raizo, calm down, Jesus," Mika jumped away when a book was thrown over his shoulder as being in his way. "I only had two shots! It helped me fall asleep when I was -"

Turning on her, "Is there more Mika?"

Shaking her head, "No. That's what I've got in my liquor cabinet. Hey, dammit! That's my good stuff!" Mika snatched one of the bottles from him, holding it to her breast, "I like variety Raizo, I don't drink every day."

Nostrils flared, Raizo didn't believe her, he couldn't, "You have a problem."

Allowing her to keep the single bottle for the time being, he gathered the other offending pieces of glass up and took them to the kitchen. Each cap was unscrewed, almost torn off, necks snapping from the strength in his hands, and Raizo fought a gag at the way the vapors emanated from the drain as he dumped the contents.

"God Raizo, I was scared, I couldn't sleep, stop it will you?" Mika set her prize down, and reached out to touch him, but Raizo flinched back, ignoring her until his task was finished.

"This will not happen again Mika," hissing. Raizo was mad, he was so angry the corners of his vision were blurred. To think Mika would risk herself like _this_ of all ways when he bled so much to keep her whole, "You will not put this in your body."

Eyes widened, face flushed, "Goddammit Raizo! You left, I didn't know when you would be back, I moved everything around for you, I made space for you, and I kept myself as busy as I could until you may come back. But you were gone for _hours _and I realized I didn't even know if you _would_ be back. So I had a drink. Four ounces of brandy is barely anything, the first day of my period is when I drink usually Raizo. I have three, maybe four over the course of that day. All of those bottles are six months to a year old. You're overreacting, and you're being such a bastard!"

Like a bucket of freezing cold water, the word slammed into Raizo. Everything locked down, shoved into the back of his mind. Raizo straightened up, forcing his spine to resemble nothing so much as a steel bar.

"Go back to bed Mika," tone going monotonous, "now." Picking up the final bottle, Raizo dumped it out, "You will sleep, I will guard you, but I will not spend time in this place with you right now."

She must have sensed how far she had pushed him, for she stilled, stared at him, then did as he ordered, spinning on a foot then stomping to the bedroom. Leaving by way of the patio once more, Raizo climbed the wall carefully, finding few, but enough, toe and footholds to carry him to the roof. He only had a single floor to go past Mika's, easy climbing. Sitting down, Raizo had forgot how much words could hurt, how much that word in particular thrown at him in such a way could hurt. Pain wasn't just the body's weakness, but the mind's too. Below, Raizo could clearly hear Mika cursing, could hear her heart beating too fast, and then he could hear her throw herself onto the bed and cry.

All this over alcohol. Poison. It ruined everything it touched. Swallowing Raizo knew Mika hadn't meant it, it had been the alcohol talking. Alcohol was one of the worst, most abused toxins, it made women who were supposed to be mothers awful, it made men who were fathers beat and abandon their families. This was what Raizo had seen, some of it he had experienced. With firsthand knowledge Raizo knew, without a doubt that he had done the right thing to keep Mika safe.

The night was cool, and would have afforded better shadows for him to hide in if the builders hadn't believe so strongly in so many lights, there were barely enough for Raizo to use. As it was, Raizo had to wedge himself between two cylindrical vents where he could maintain a good view of the building and the surrounding street-alley mixture. It also positioned Raizo in such a way that two floors directly under him lay Mika. Raizo didn't bother trying to tell himself that this wasn't intentional. Eventually the curses and tears stopped, it didn't take long, over and done with in no more than ten minutes. Most of what Mika had said had to do with what a jerk he was, something Raizo could agree with if he ever felt like voicing his opinion, the rest of it was about how he was a stubborn asshole. Also, something Raizo could agree with. While not necessarily intentionally cruel, Raizo was viewed as that and far worse by society.

Attuning himself to his surroundings, Raizo felt thought slip away, giving him some respite. If anyone came for Mika tonight, and there was no guarantee they would, and none that they wouldn't, Raizo would be ready. Picking out the delicate cadence of Mika's heart from the many in the building, Raizo let that banish the last of his hurt at her hurled words. She hadn't meant them he hoped, prayed that it had only been the brandy speaking for her.

"Oh fuck it, whatever, can't sleep, may as well take care of this," then a drawer opened. A sudden low buzzing filled Mika's bedroom, causing Raizo to frown in uncertainty. What was she doing? She made a tiny gasp after a bottle was squeezed, the sound quiet but noticeable, "Dammit that's cold."

Slipping from his perch, Raizo stared down at the bedroom window, it's drawn curtains not leaking any light. Then she moaned, and more wet sounds were issued. Wondering what sort of trouble Mika was getting into now, Raizo climbed back down, dropping the last few feet and landing in a crouch. Laying a hand on the window, Raizo hesitated before entering, glad he hadn't locked it earlier – he didn't want to risk alerting Mika to his presence, unless he had to stop her from doing something dangerous.

Slinking forward, Raizo picked out from the darkness Mika's form on the bed, and his boxers were gone from Mika, but she still wore his shirt. Rather she was laying on the bed, legs splayed open, with a hand between them. Mouth going lax as soon as he realized what Mika was doing Raizo began to withdraw, until she muttered his name. Halting his flight, eyes locked on the space between his feet, crouched by the door, shoulder pressed to the door frame, morbid curiosity keeping him in place. Another moan, this one longer and throatier drew Raizo's gaze up, her second hand joining the first now. Something was being moved in and out of the hidden space between her thighs, the buzzing sound coming from it, and Mika was pushing it in and out faster.

Familiar with only how his own body worked, Raizo had only a very basic concept of 'woman' and it had not occurred to him that Mika may have the same needs in this regard that he did. With a quiet, last moan distorted version of his name on her lips, Mika ceased her self-touching, pulling something away from herself and yawning loudly. The thing was shoved to one side of the bed, and Mika tugged his shirt down her hips and wiggled under her covers, nestling close to the body-shaped pile of pillows. Quickly she was sound asleep, releasing Raizo from his paralysis. Licking his lips, Raizo crept closer, not exactly sure of what he was doing. Why had she said his name while she did that?

His irritation and anger had evaporated into the night, forgotten when presented with this strange puzzle. Able now to clearly make out what the device was she had been utilizing, Raizo started at it, perplexed. The nubs that jutted off of it made it look like a bizarre version of what was between his own legs, but it was the sticky musk on it that made it shimmer that befuddled Raizo even more. Stopping his hand before touching the object was an act of willpower, and with a determined set to his jaw Raizo went to the living room rather than go back outside. For no discernible reason Raizo couldn't bring himself to leave the confines of the apartment and the intense smell of Mika mingling with the faint one of himself on the shirt she wore. He wouldn't mention this to Mika, but he would stick closer. Raizo simply couldn't help it.

XXX

ANP2: I promise from now on to return to a more normal length of notes, rather than the hugemongous one at the begining of this one. I know they're unweildy and probably annoying alot of the time, so I appologize. To everyone who'se reviewed so far, thanks so much, ya'll make my day.


	9. Chapter 9

AN: So I was looking at some interviews. If you want to see Rain being super adorabbible in the extreme, look on YouTube for the Jean Wolf, Ninja Assassin interview. There's a point where they flash over to some of the 'outtake' style stuff, where he's kinda standing around, sees the camera, and like a little boy grins ear to ear, and makes a muscle with his bicep. You know how little boys (men too) do, where they go "looky looky I has muscles! I big strong guy!" while kinda giggling? Yeah. He's doin' that. There's also a pretty good interview where he stumbles around in English in such a way that makes you want to go "oh you get a cookie! And a megaglomp hug!", that's under the TIME magazine Rain interview. It's a couple years old, circa Speed Racer. He answers such questions as what it takes to seduce him "good cook, kind and um.. pretty would be a bonus. It would be perfect..." waves Hellooooo Rain, I cook, I clean, I do deep tissue massages and I'm pretty – like a Marilyn Monroe on mescaline who was crossbred with Hello Kitty! (At least that's what I've been told...)

XXX  
Wake Up 9  
XXX  
Awakening with a long stretch, Mika glanced around. She was alone, still no Raizo in evidence. Laying there she thought about what had happened. Raizo's reaction had been beyond over the top, it had almost been crazed, and extremely out of character. Mika knew Raizo was an orphan, but what of his life before Ozunu had taken him? What had it been like? Now she thought she had some idea. Alcohol was poison to him, the very thought of it disgusting, that wasn't a normal aversion, there was no way it could be. That told her more about Raizo than a whole monologue about his life in the compound and his training ever could.

And the way he had flipped from towering rage to cold hardness when she called him a bastard. That too told Mika quite a bit. Not only was Raizo a mostly shut down young man, wounded by the rigorous programming he had gone through but his life before hadn't been a bed of roses either. Most of the information Mika had on Raizo was so sketchy, she barely even knew him, knew about him. But at the same time she did. Raizo had given her plenty of information on how he would treat her, protect her, by his very actions. It had to mean something. She could ask him countless questions, and he may not answer her with words, but with what he did and didn't say. If she only paid close enough attention, Mika was sure she could glean more from him with careful study.

When Mika had asked his age, Raizo simply changed the subject, deflecting her neatly. Maybe that meant he didn't know his own age for sure. He looked like he could pass for somewhere between nineteen if he were able to relax the air of his chilly exterior to even mid thirties. How much of that was simply his attitude or just his genetic make-up, Mika couldn't be one-hundred percent sure. Or it could even be that healing trick she had seen him use. Now that was a freaky thing to see, far more so than his disappearing act. Skin didn't knit together like that, it wasn't natural. Raizo said that there was no cost, but Mika didn't believe that crock of shit at all. Then there was the time she asked him in a sideways fashion his name, and he had paused before answering her, simply saying that Raizo was the name he had been given. Did that mean he didn't know his name, or that it was something that held more pain than the one Ozunu had forced upon him? It could even be possible that he hadn't ever been given one, but Mika thought that was unlikely.

Rubbing her temples, Mika hoped to prevent the headache that was on the horizon. Three arguments in a little more than a day, more questions than she had concrete answers for, and enough sexual tension to cut with a knife where the exact reasons she avoided men. They were often far more trouble than they were worth. Under most circumstances Mika would call her mother when she was having issues with men, and despite it being the middle of the night back in the States, she knew her mom would be happy to hear from her. It's just, what would she say? Mika didn't think a 'hey Mom, so I met this guy who saved me from ninja and I got stabbed protecting him and he looks really good covered in dirt and sweat when shirtless, and I think he's a virgin too' would go over all that well.

It had been too long since she dealt with the penis endowed sex, but even if she had, Mika was fairly sure that it wouldn't help her deal with Raizo. He was immensely fragile if her suspicions were accurate, and would require a firm, but gentle hand dealing with him. Bringing herself up short, Mika questioned her motives. Was she so enamored of Raizo because he was a puzzle, because he had saved her life, or because something inside her recognized his pain and wished to sooth it? And once Raizo was no longer shut down, was able to function on his own, would he need her anymore, and would she want him still?

The panic Mika felt each time there had been a threat to Raizo, and the peace whenever he was near was answer enough. Her words to him had been true, there would always be a place wherever she went for him. Even if nothing ever happened between them, Mika would still feel the need to make sure that she had room for him. Not just in her home, but in her life. Comforted, Mika stroked the fashionably worn gray shirt, that held his scent still. Musing that Raizo barely had any at all, Mika found that to be very curious, but what little there was was disgustingly yummy.

[REDACTED]

Afterwards Mika was always sleepy, but she should probably get up and make herself some sort of food. Fighting off the yawn, crawling out of the bed, she paused as something poked her hand. Her vibrator still needed to be cleaned from its' earlier use, but Mika left it there for later anyway and wandered out into the living room. At first she didn't notice Raizo, sitting there immobile on the couch, but as soon as she did, Mika flushed. Exactly how much had he heard?

Deciding to play it off, "Morning Raizo."

"Good morning Mika," swallowing, his Adam's apple bobbing, the motion drawing Mika's gaze there. She could probably live with her face pressed in his neck or chest, hiding from the world, "Did you sleep well?"

Going to join him on the couch, ignoring her bottomless state, besides his shirt covered her well enough if she was careful, "I guess. I would've been happier with you there, I slept much better the other night." Reaching out to tuck some of his hair behind an ear, "And you, did you sleep well last night?"

As she was drawing away, Raizo caught her hand by the wrist, then the other, staring at them, "I did not sleep." His voice had a strange quality to it as he whispered her name, "Mika," but then fell silent.

"What is it Raizo," making no move to go closer, nor to leave his firm grip, "is something wrong?"

Wordlessly he shook his head, pulling her hand closer to his lips, and then he did the strangest, most sensual thing a man had ever done. The tip of his tongue came out, lapping at her index and middle finger before sucking one into his mouth. Unable to hold in her moan, Mika partially cupped his chin, the sensation of his lips wrapped at the top of her index finger erotic. And like that he released her, before his cheeks turned a deep shade of red.

"Mika, I," stumbling.

"It's okay Raizo," stroking his jaw, "it felt good."

He looked unsure, lost, and embarrassed, "I, Mika, I..."

She realized then that he had probably heard her this morning, and if he had been anywhere nearby with his hearing, probably last night too. Mika should be embarrassed herself but wasn't. Burying her hands in his hair, massaging his scalp, Mika tipped Raizo's head back, forcing him to look up at her.

"Raizo, it's okay, really it is," with little thought, Mika moved to straddle his thighs, knees planted firmly in the couch cushions, "Talk to me Raizo, or I'm going to kiss you a whole lot."

A dreamy quality had entered his eyes, and Raizo had to visibly struggle to say anything beyond her name, "Mika, I, yes... I, I want..."

From the firmness that was pressing against the inside of her thigh, Mika could take a guess at what at least part of him wanted. But they couldn't, so Mika settled on some light petting. Pressing her mouth to his forehead, Mika stroked down his neck to his shoulders, massaging them while laying soft kisses all over his face. Hands went to grab her around the waist, while Raizo made a pathetic whine in the back of his throat that turned into a deep groan as her lips met his. When Raizo had to be nearing overload, his body trembling, his breathing was a ragged gasp, and she was approaching a place where she wouldn't be able to stop without going further, Mika pulled away, his fingers digging into the flesh of her hips.

"Is this okay with you Raizo?" stroking his bottom lip.

Tongue darting out again, "It's... it's..." he was clearly having a hard time, in more ways than one a naughty little voice in the back of her mind giggled, and Mika spared him.

Sitting back on his legs, closer to his knees rather than his waist, "Too much?"

"Yes," chest heaving, "we should... we should stop. You - you need to eat."

Mika didn't feel hungry, at least not for food, but she reminded herself to go slow, "Can I hold you a little bit first?" Patting over her heart, "Like before?"

Rather than answer in words, Raizo tugged her close, then maneuvered Mika so she was laying on her back on the couch, Raizo between her legs. Surprised, Mika only just barely kept her thighs from wrapping around his waist so she could press her crotch to his. Raizo lowered himself atop her while scooting lower awkwardly, his head coming to rest over her breast. The wordless request for what she had told him was snuggling was there, plain as day. Smiling down at him, at his clenched closed eyes, Mika ran her fingers over the back of his neck and shoulders, soothing him the way she had figured out worked best so far.

"Your heart is beating slowly," it came out clearly, but as a bare croak.

Craning her neck so she could plop a kiss on the crown of his head, "And your heart, what is it doing Raizo?"

"It was going fast," his admission causing her smile to widen. "It is normal now."

They lay like that until his stomach growled, and his face scrunched before smoothing out, making Mika laugh, "My sentiments exactly! Let's get some grub into that chiseled tummy of yours, or you may turn into a sack of bones like me."

Clearly reluctant Raizo pulled away, "I can make my body wait as long as necessary to take in food."

A sneaking suspicion nagged at Mika, "What did you eat last night?"

"Nothing," withdrawing fully.

"Have you eaten anything since that half a bowl of soup?" incredulous. At least Mika had scarfed food all day yesterday, shopping, rearranging the apartment and too much candy were what she had used to distract herself from his absence, "Okay that's it mister, up, up, up!" Waving her hands at him, "You are going to be stuffed like a Christmas goose by the time I'm done with you! Besides, I've got to have something in my kitchen you'll eat. And none of this 'just some soup' shit either!" Hopping from the couch, she 'eeped' when the shirt road up well over her waist, while Raizo blinked and looked away, blushing fit to beat the band, "I probably should go put some pants on," pulling the hem back down, hoping to sound nonchalant, like she hadn't just mooned him. Calling over her shoulder as she raced into her bedroom, "Go rummage in the kitchen will you? You're always saying that I need to keep my strength up, but you're the one who does the whole butt-kicking for goodness gig, not me, so you probably need way more fuel than I do."

Going into her closet, yanking the shirt over her head and tossing it, Mika was still buzzing from the endorphins of the tiny make out session. Christ that boy could kiss when he put his mind to it. Shoving aside a mini-fantasy of what that thick tongue could do to all sorts of parts of her body, Mika grabbed the first thing that came to hand. Some sort of burgundy sweater-shirt-dress was pulled over her nudity, and then she was squirming into some leggings, forgetting completely about underwear. Pushing the sleeves up to her elbows, Mika checked her appearance in the bathroom mirror, quickly brushed her teeth, and let her hair down from it's wrap. She really needed to go get it relaxed again, or spend some serious time with her flat iron, it was getting frizzy at the ends.

Joining Raizo in the kitchen, she saw he was staring at the plethora of food, "What?"

"Everything is Asian," he shook his head.

"So?" nabbing some nappa, squash and snow peas, "I like Asian. It's extremely yummy. And here, the only good food is Asian pretty much. Don't eat the pizza it'll give you the runs, and the German stuff gets heavy after awhile, the Italian always has overcooked pasta, the selection in the stores for most things is a little sub-par, so that leaves Asian. Conversely, if we were in England I'd probably have so much Indian and Arabic spices that my house would reek of saffron and cumin. Good stuff!"

Raizo was holding a jar of kimchi, rolling it from hand to hand, "At least it's healthy."

"Who cares if it's healthy Raizo," plucking the jar from his grip, she struggled with opening the lid, "so long as it tastes good?"

His brows were drawn tight over his nose, "I do." Raizo retrieved the jar from her, and she relinquished it, and with no hint of strain in his forearms, opened the lid, which came loose with a big 'pop', "You should let me do that."

"Okay," drawing the word out, Mika poked him the chest, "I hereby designate you as the Opener of Difficult Things."

Raizo sighed, obviously not knowing what to make of Mika, "You haven't taken your meds today, have you?"

"Nope, why?" grabbing some of the vegetables and beginning to cut them up. "Could you grab me the big skillet?" pointing vaguely to one of the cupboards.

"You should, you are very hyper, and -"

Mika cut him off, laughing, "I'm always like this. Supposedly I have ADHD, but the Adderall made me feel like a speed freak. Besides, I have no problem focusing on things, I simply... over focus on anything that interests me, not letting go of it until I've chewed it up, processed it, and set it aside ready for the next puzzle." Stopping herself before touching Raizo, Mika hoped that he wouldn't think that designation of 'puzzle' included him too, "Most guys I've been with in the past," this time Mika hopped Raizo didn't pick up the implication that she felt like she was 'with' him at the moment, "didn't understand it at all. They couldn't accept that just because I move from one subject to the next, fast as I possibly can, doesn't mean that I felt that way about them. Men are weird, freakish creatures, who only puzzle the hell out of me, but they aren't puzzles to figure out for the most part." Now Mika did touch him, making sure to stroke the back of his hand while he set the skillet down for her, "I may like to understand those I'm around, and I may focus on picking them apart, but it is so that I can better participate in the relationship process. So that I can give them what they need, just as they give me what I need."

Raizo stared at her a moment, opened his mouth to speak, then snapped it closed. Mika let him have the time to mull that over. For now she could let him live somewhere near his comfort zone, if not in it, and let him believe he was merely her protector, and she the protected. He could conveniently forget the fact that she had told him she was responsible for him too if he needed to, but that didn't mean that Mika was going to stop pushing him when necessary in the right direction. At least, Mika hoped it was the right direction for Raizo, and not because it was something she simply wanted for herself.

As she tossed the vegetables in the pan, then started cooking them, Raizo almost reverently touched the side of her shoulder, "Then they were very lucky, and very stupid to not know how lucky they really were."


	10. Chapter 10

AN: Holy poop Batman! I did a page check, and if I put this story into 'book format' I've got almost 190 pages written in total! Damn I'm good... and I mean that in a totally non-self-aggrandizing way. More like in a 'most writers I know in the professional echelons that I've spoken with write less than a thousand words a day, only a few write more than two thousand in a 'working' day...' kind of way. I'm clocking about four thousand to six thousand a day. Excluding notes for research, (yes I research stuff on this, weird huh?) and notes for plot (whoa there's a plot in this beast?), and these goofy author's notes. Only god, and my computer, know how many words that would add onto my daily word count. Plus there's the manuscripts I've been working on, and okay, so lately because of this, I've gone down to about 800 words, but still. I wonder where my life is? Maybe today I'll go out for a coffee or a walk. That's normally what I do each day, get some space, get a breather. Be around people. In person that is. Hell it's my last ten days in Spain. Oh, crap, now I'm depressed. RAIZO KISS IT BETTER DAMMIT! Wait, fuck, why don't I have my own personal Raizo? I'd like to be Mika in this situation, where she can just go "I has boo-boo, you kiss and make better!" because the thought of leaving Spain is just... ugh. This is my home, I've lived all over the world, and here in Malaga is the place that's felt the most 'right'. No other way of explaining it. Yes, I am disappointed in the blandness of food, and hate the fact that when I go to the movies, rather than subtitles, the cinema butchers wonderful movies with grotesque dubs, but other than that there's no draw backs. As wonderful as the States are, I've never been happy when I've lived there, never been at peace, never felt exactly right. No other way to explain that. And I was born there, raised there, and lived there the bulk of my life, all over the damn place too. It's not Americans that are the issue for me, there's just a feeling of disconnect in the States for me, I don't feel quite real. Here, I've felt more real, more human, more peaceful and calm than anywhere else. I've lived in Australia, I've lived in Canada, the Caymans, and a brief stint in the UK (fled _that_ place as fast as I could...) so I know what I'm talking about on this. Sometimes, one is lucky enough to find the 'right' place and I've found mine. And now I hafta leave. Poo. Oh well, on the bright side I do get to go back and see my friend KT, and help her with the birth of my next god child, and I will be able to go to Asian stores without having to look too hard for them. And I'll also have access to grits. Mmmm cheese grits with a smiley face of siracha sauce. Yum. And I get to come back here at some point after June. If I could stay here and never had to leave though, I wouldn't, the rest of the world is no fit place for me at all, just simply good for visiting, but not living. And Spanish kids are so cute with their mommies too... they hold hands, carry the groceries, they walk around with an arm over a parent's shoulder etc. I think it's lovely, and while I hope when I have kids I have a close relationship with them, with my very w.a.s.p. Mom I'd never imagine that with her.

Also, sorry this is late, I had a friend ask me out to go to a tapas bar out of the blue. Hmm.... yummy...

XXX

Wake Up 10

XXX

Maslow was seated across from her, eating his bratwurst and potatoes, "I'm glad you came out Mika."

"Hey, it's not like I have anything to do," sipping her Pepsi, not bothering to hide a moue of distaste. It was saccharine sweet, she preferred root-beer, but finding anything decent was next to impossible in Berlin, "Unless you count re-reading a bunch of old sci-fi stuff as all that interesting."

"You know," patting off some ketchup he'd gotten on his face, Mika couldn't understand _why_ anyone would ruin perfectly good sauerkraut with ketchup, "I never pegged you as the sort to read pulp fiction. Maybe some Voltaire, or Goethe, or Emily Bronte but not Heinlein."

"Too depressing, and the Bronte stuff is far too vapid for my tastes," picking at her fries, "Give me action, or give me something to think about. Preferably both. Don't give me weak women and weaker men or a meaningless spiral of deep, cynical ennui." Shifting on the iron chair, "So is this business or pleasure Ryan?"

Tilting his head side to side in typical Maslow-debating fashion, "Some bodies were found recently, nowhere near your place mind you, but," now he pinned her with a penetrating look, "bearing some very _distinct_ marks on them."

"Distinct?" echoing.

He nodded, "Mika, if Raizo is here, you have to tell me."

"The last time I told you where he was, he was collared, electrocuted half to death, tied up, given no water while under some of the brightest lights I've ever seen, and a whole bunch of people died," matching him look for look, "What makes you think that if I knew, I'd feel it was a good thing to tell you Maslow?" Adding, "None of which was his fault at all. In fact no one would have lived if I hadn't released him. We'd all be dead."

Heaving a deep sigh, "You think I don't know that? Listen, Mika, you have to trust me. Where is he?"

"I don't know," she wasn't lying to Ryan technically, but it still bugged her. Mika didn't know where Raizo was, not right now, but she knew where he would wind up eventually, "And until I have some kind of assurance that a repeat of last time doesn't happen, when I do know where he is, I won't say. I can't. Not after what happened, I'm sorry."

Raizo was killing again, or still was depending on viewpoint, but Mika was sure that those corpses had it coming. After all, Raizo had said that he had 'taken care of' the current dangers. She just had to trust his judgment. Which she did, without reservation.

A non-committal grunt, "Seems we're at an impasse. I can't do anything to possibly protect you or him, and you feel you can't tell me. Mika," earnest, taking her hand, "if he comes in of his own volition, maybe something could be done to sweep it all under the rug. We could hide him, protect him -"

"So now you want to go after them, huh?" not wanting to give name to the clans. "Now you believe me when I say that until they're gone, we're not safe, never mind their next targets."

Chair legs scrapped on cobblestone as Maslow scooted closer to Mika, "It's not that I don't believe you, but your boy has some serious bad seeds looking for him, pulling strings, making threats and offers. If he isn't brought in soon, and hidden, I can't vouch for anything good happening. To us, or to him."

Uncertain, Mika was used to trusting Maslow, knew that at heart he was a big softy who's ultimate goal in life was protecting all of Europe from bad guys that came from within and without. But again the image of Raizo, who after she had seen him in action, Mika was sure that he could have escaped if he had been willing to kill, treated like a criminal and worse, treated like a rabid dog – Mika simply couldn't bring herself to believe in Maslow fully. At the same time, Ryan probably was on the up and up.

"Ryan, if I do see him, if I do talk to him, what would I tell him?" _What will you do to him?_ was unspoken, but hung in the air.

"If he comes in willingly, he won't be kept like a prisoner, there's some places," he squeezed her hand, his other coming to pat the top of her forearm, "some safe hideaways we could put him. When you come back to work, you can dig, quietly, stepping very, very carefully, and then from there, we'll see what happens."

Chewing her lip, "I'll think about it. And if I see him, I'll think about telling him."

"You better think quick Mika, there isn't much time," the words were not meant to be menacing, but they were.

XXX

"How was Maslow?" really Mika knew she shouldn't always jump when Raizo snuck up on her, but she couldn't help it.

Clearing her throat, "He was fine." Turning towards him, the stairwell not the best place for a conversation, "You followed me."

"Yes," no hint of apology. Cocking his head, "Do you have something to tell me?"

"Upstairs," jerking her chin.

Raizo shook his head in the negative, "Here isn't bugged."

Mika's eyes went wide, "What?"

"Your place has had visitors," gesturing, "your car has also been tagged. I won't remove it, it would only tip them off. Call Maslow, tell him you want to go to a hotel where you can get unlimited room service, or something similar. Pack a bag with enough clothes for a few days. Then drive and drop the car off at a hotel, any hotel. I will find you."

Alarmed, "Raizo, firstly, who bugged my apartment? And secondly, they had to know you've been here if they looked around."

He shrugged, "It doesn't matter Mika. Maslow only drew you out to see if I would follow, or if they could make an id on me."

"Oh god," horrified, guilty, Mika wanted nothing more now than to hang onto Raizo and hide her face in his chest. They had used her to get to him.

"It was bound to happen Mika, they have been watching you since you were put in the hospital," perhaps that was meant to be comforting. It wasn't. "Maslow will not be able to keep me hidden if I went in. You know that, right? Your agency has been compromised, it works not only on its own, but with the allowance of sovereign countries."

It all made sick sense, "The same governments who hire the clans."

A single nod, "Yes."

"If the agency has a leak, could it be -"

"It isn't Maslow," firm, sure. Comforting for its simplicity. "He is not the problem. Nor his boss. It is higher than that. You and he are the legs, not the head, the legs and hands do not know what the head does, and only do what the head commands. That is how it works. Too far below to know what goes on, but the heart is not the issue, it is the head. That which does the thinking, not what does the feeling. Your agency is good at heart, bad in the head." Mika wished Raizo would touch her, reassure her with more than words, "With much thinking, justification comes easily. A good heart justifies only what it sees as good actions, the mind can justify anything with numbers and logic. And hands are just what does the doing, and when they become infected with problems, they can be removed. The head and the heart cannot."

It was the longest stringing together of words Mika had ever heard Raizo say. Verging on the philosophical, and definitely on the moral dilemma of bureaucracy and people's place within it, Raizo's statement didn't make Mika feel any better. Because she had been watched, been duped, and now Raizo was under attack. Insidiousness was what Mika was supposed to be part of taking down, dismantling. She was supposed to find problems, and Maslow was supposed to fix them. That's what Euro-pol was supposed to do. Not create situations where abominations like the clans could exist and function as tools for power plays.

"Raizo, I'm sorry, I didn't know," clenching her hands into fists. Mika wanted to hit something so badly, she couldn't see straight, she wanted to run, to smash and to hide. She felt _helpless_ again, and so, so used, "How could... why? Why...?"

"Mika go, pack your bags, call Maslow," it was shy, and inexpert but Raizo pulled Mika into a brief hug, "then take your car to a hotel."

Squeezing him, "How will you find me?"

Likely meant as being non-sexual, Raizo buried nose in her neck while he took a deep breath, it was still stimulating, "I have your scent. I will find you."

Shivering, "And your things, what about those?"

"I did not say I would not go upstairs with you, they didn't have enough time to wire your apartment with cameras," leaning back, "do not speak to me, and I will not speak to you. This way, they will not be sure of my presence."

"What about my car, you could get in my car too," offering.

A long blink, something he did more often to say 'no' than shake his head, "The tag would most likely be able to sense weight changes." Before she could say more, "Now you must pack your bag."

Taking the last flight of stairs, Raizo leading, one hand stretched behind him, urging caution, they went to her front door. Everything was crazy, the world was simply insane, Mika decided. Twice she had been used to draw Raizo in. That was two times too many. She was a liability, and not just bait to tempt the clans, but bait to tempt Raizo into revealing his location. Eyes settled on his back, a horrible idea came to mind – she was the source of a good portion of the danger directed at Raizo now. If he hadn't felt obligated to check on her, Raizo wouldn't be in this predicament. He could have disappeared, slipped under everyone's radar and gone and lived some sort of life. Didn't he realize that? Raizo could go anywhere, be anyone he wanted, instead he was here, guarding her out of some sense of... of what? Ozunu was all he had been after, not the clans themselves, just the Ozunu. There was no real reason for him to target the remaining eight, he could simply ignore their existence and navigate ways of avoiding them easily.

Mika knew why she wanted to protect him - some of it was gratitude, some of it was attraction, and some of it was simply because he needed it. Yet here he was, shrugging off the fact that he had been made because of her like it didn't even matter. And he waved for her to be seated while he packed his third suitcase, which she had emptied the day before into her dresser, with whatever he thought she would need, sparing her the trouble. It was the way he picked up her blankie as though it were the most natural thing to do that broke Mika, folding it into a tiny square, and tucking it down into the metal valise that had big fat tears rolling down her face. Struggling to not sob, Mika didn't want the bugs in the room to pick up her crying, she nabbed a pillow burying her face in it.

Beside her the bed dipped after the television was turned on, probably to make it sound like she was doing something, and a hand cupped the back of her head, drawing her close so her cheek was on his shoulder. Raizo was either getting better at empathy, or he was getting used to what she needed. Dropping the pillow, Mika turned towards him, and clung. She felt so helpless, so blastedly, damnably helpless. So used, so _violated_. Her trust in the system she worked for defiled, and Mika just couldn't _do_ anything about it. To protest was to let them know that she _knew_ what they were doing. Such accusations, even with irrefutable proof could be swept aside, and used to discredit her, to make her into an even bigger target.

Utter disillusionment – was the only thing she could trust Raizo? Was he the only one not out there to hurt her, to ruin everything? It was like she was under attack, her world that had been turned upside down and raped by the Ozunu was now having the last vestiges of it pummeled into pieces smaller than sub-atomic particles.

It took a good half hour before the crying stopped and Mika regained a semblance of control. Relinquishing her hold on Raizo with a wet sniffle, Mika started to inch away, but Raizo only drew her in tighter. Glancing up at him afforded her a view of him stoically staring at the wall, while his free hand came up to wipe away the tears on her cheek with his thumb. Turning her face into his palm, Mika kissed it, obscenely grateful that Raizo was being so patient. Corners of his mouth pursing, Raizo looked down at her and he pointed to the phone, his question clear. Was she ready to call Maslow and lie through her teeth to him?

Taking a deep breath to brace herself, Mika nodded, still uncertain, but Raizo's presence bolstered her resolve. Picking up the phone, she dialed one of the few numbers she had memorized, amongst their number her first high school crush's, her mother's, and the direct to desk one that at one point her father would have answered at his precinct. Sticking out her hand, Mika was further braced by Raizo taking hold of it while the phone rang.

On the fifth ring, just before it went to voicemail, "Mika? Are you alright?"

"Fine Maslow, well no," taking another deep breath, "I'm not fine. I'm a little freaked out."

"What's wrong?" voice sharpening, Mika could hear him shift, "Do you need me to come get you?"

Shaking her head, though Ryan couldn't see it, "No, no. I just, I just feel very stressed out. Cooped up." All true, especially if she tacked on 'betrayed' to the list.

"Is there anything I can do?" the very picture of concern. It was probably real. And Mika hated that she even had to question it.

"No, but, but I think I need to get away a little bit, to think." Also true, "And I'm a little scared, if, if you think those um... bodies had something to do with, you know, _him_, they could have been sent after me."

Maslow was quiet, "It's possible Mika, but we can't be sure."

"I know," agreeing, "I just, I just think I'd like to go some place where if I need anything it's just a call away."

"What am I, chopped liver?" his attempt at levity was weak. "If you need anything, you know you can call, Mika. I'll do anything I can, you should know that."

"Even bring me fois gras with a red onion marmalade and an orange cappuccino at three in the morning?"

That surprised a small chuckle out of him, "Well, I suppose, but I think Anne wouldn't be too happy with you for getting me out of bed at that time."

"Didn't think so," unable to keep the quiver out of her voice, "I think, that maybe, I'll just go to a nice, upscale hotel for a few days. Hole up and order room service at the weirdest possible hours, and indulge. Maybe one with a nice spa. You know, let myself be pampered, babied, and most of all – not completely alone."

"So, he's not there then, is he?" sounding almost sad for her.

Here came the biggest, baldest lie, "No. I wish he was. I'm scared and angry Ryan. There's just been too much."

"I understand," and Mika was sure he did as much as he could. "Go on, let me know where you decide on staying. I'll check in on you tomorrow. You're right, you shouldn't really be alone. Maybe after you're done on your in-town holiday, you could come stay with Anne and I."

So sincere it made Mika want to cry all over again. He really would do that too, but everyone was suspect now. Except Raizo. She knew his motives, the most he would use her for was bait, and he was honest about it. There wasn't a single ulterior motive to his presence, he was the most real and straightforward person anywhere in the world. Simple as that.

"Thanks Ryan, but, I don't want to impose like that on you two."

"It's not an imposition Mika, it's an honest offer," heartfelt, "to a friend in need."

"I'll think about it, okay?"

"Alright, take care Mika, and call me, you hear me?"

Another lie, "Okay, I will."

Hanging up the phone, Mika slowly turned to look up at Raizo, not feeling worthy of doing so. She had lied to someone who trusted her, lied to them directly and not just once, but twice. It was different than an ambiguous hair-splitting deflection, but flat out untruth. If she could lie to Maslow, someone she had known for almost six years, had worked with the same length of time, would Raizo think she would really lie to him too? Of course she lied about her size, what woman wouldn't? Especially if a man just came out and said 'you're a size' whatever. And after all the junk food she ate, she couldn't really get away from the genetic fact that she had a bit of a booty, that never seemed to get smaller no matter how skinny she got. But, Raizo would know when she lied, and that comforted Mika. Almost, but not quite.

Almost.

He was standing there expectantly, watching her closely. Measuring. Did she live up to his expectations? Or, frightening thought, did he not have any for her to live up to? A strange expression came and went too fast for Mika to identify, then Raizo stroked his lips over her brow, and leaning to whisper in her ear.

"Better than aspirin?" to which Mika could only smile, which she thought was probably Raizo's intent.

XXX

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Rhion's BunnyFarm

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Rhion: This is MopeMope the bunny, a bit emo, a bit blue around the fur. Careful, don't let him near the Marsbars, cuz he'll only try to cut his wrists ineffectively with the wrapper (if know that quote, clap your hands)

Idea: Raizo is mortally wounded defending Mika, but plays it off like he's fine. His healing trick isn't working, he doesn't have the strength left to do it for whatever reason, so Mika's driving to what she hopes will be a safe place, not knowing he's dead in the seat beside her. She gets to the hotel, still on the run from whatever wounded Raizo, and frantically tries to get him to move. From there, you can decide what happens.


	11. Chapter 11

AN: Hey, y'know when y'live with your mom n'stuff, usually your mom's the one who's all "Hey, clean the place," or starts doing things like cooking, the laundry, or stuff like that. Cuz, y'know, that's what moms do. Supposedly. At least that's what they show on TV, and what most people I know mom's do.

Mine? No.

So, I got back from Spain like... Wednesday, and do you know what I've been doing? Cleaning. Lots of cleaning. Steaming the tile floors, the walls, pressure washing the driveway and back porch, cleaning her car and my car, and the garage? Oh god, that one's gonna take awhile.... And doing dishes, so many dishes. Normal people don't own three full sets of plates with seatings for eight, plus silverware out the yinyang. We're not yuppies, we're not even quote 'true' middle class or anything. Okay so mom's a professor and has a consulting business (which is how I make a living, being her personal bitch/slave, and doing all the writing for her and research yaddayadda, if she actually hired someone to do it, she'd hafta pay them upwards of twenty-five thousand a year, I get less than ten... but hey it's a job,) and she's finally purchased a house. A house she doesn't take care of.

I was gone for three freakin' months. I get back and NOTHING has been done. No laundry, no dishes, nothing. Nothing at all. How anyone can live like that is appalling. I walked into the house, exhausted from twenty three hours of flying and sitting in airports, and I get hit with a wall of 'oh dear god,' basically. I will openly admit to being a slob, I even have been known to occasionally have a cup of half filled coffee that sits/hides somewhere for several weeks and grows some new coffee. So if I'm grossed out, trust me it's really bad. Far too much information I'm sure, but this is both cathartic bitching and explanation for why I haven't posted anything at all.

Not only that but over Xmas my aunt and uncle came to visit, and tore up my nice, girly and pristine rooms. Have I mentioned that mom owns a herd of dauchshounds? Yeah, four of the little fuckers. So come up with a scary picture, multiply it by two, and you have what I'm battling currently. Personally, I was so depressed by entering the house that I just wanted to cry. I was so tired, and I just didn't have energy to deal with anything. And yet I settled down and started cleaning. And mom has the balls to say to me "Oh it's not that bad, I'll get it later". Not that bad? Fuck! I'd like to know what she thought was bad? My end of the house, when I left, was supposed to be my sacred, untouchable, unruinable space. But my aunt and uncle saw to ruining it. Everything was rearranged, the dogs were let back in my area, etc. I love my mother, but I sure don't like her sometimes. I'm grateful to her for all her help and tolerance, but at the same time there's instances where I'd like nothing more than to put her in a spacepod and shoot it into the sun. Along with the rest of my family. And y'know what else? She gets after me for smelling like a smoker. She has no fuckin' right, not when I walk into a house that's a fuckin' health hazard! There are reasons why I don't have a personal life I think, and a big one is the fact that I can't ever bring anyone to my place, for shame, and also to prevent mom bitching at me for having guests. No matter how often I clean, I always feel like it's an uphill battle, and it's never appreciated. And being pierced, tattooed, hair colored, and degreeless means that me getting a job that isn't manual labor isn't easy, no matter how skilled I am, so I hafta stay and take this crap. And so I smoke, and I have a drink every now and then, and still she gets after me. While eating big macs and chicken nuggets, turning down good veggies etc when I cook, complaining about the smell of vinegar when I clean (I can't use bleach, and besides vinegar has the same exact effect without being damaging to the environment, or my sinuses), and forgetting to take her blood pressure medications. Sorry for the massively personal rant, but I had no one else to really tell, and ya'll work as a captive audience. But I wonder, is it actually fair for her to get after me for smoking four to ten cigarettes a day, and having two drinks on Fridays, while she doesn't take care of herself or her home? Blahness. Okay, rant done.

Basically, between cleaning and packing my room in Spain, and all those errands, the travel time from Spain to here, and then cleaning here – I haven't had any time to myself, or time to write. So I'm still stuck on chapter 18, while since I'm posting 11, that means I SHOULD be on chapter 22. Cuz that's how I roll n'all that. So, I'm posting 11, cuz it's been so long, but I warn ya, that it may be a couple days before I post 12, cuz tomorrow I'm driving to Longview which is 6hrs from here, to pick up a friend who's in need, and then driving back to here (San Antonio), which is another 6hrs. So I'll be fairly wrecked this week too, and have a house guest to boot. For all ya'lls patience, n'all that, thanks, and for reading my rant too. Needed to get that crap offa my chest.

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Wake Up 11

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Raizo watched as Mika drove off in the car that Euro-pol had given her as a replacement for the old one. In the trunk one of his suitcases rested, filled to the brim with far more than he personally felt was warranted. Then again, eyes sliding to Mika's apartment building, Raizo wasn't going to let her return to that place anytime soon, if ever.

Hailing a passing cab, Raizo told the driver to go in the opposite direction of his apartment. Plans spooled out, and five kilometers later, he switched cabs twice more, stopping at a hotel that asked few questions, and took his bags to the room. It stank of it's last occupants, no amount of bleach on linen could wash out the smell of piss and semen. Grungy gray walls, not exactly the height of luxury, rickety bed, and mildewed grout in the bathroom – it would do for now as a starting point.

Raking a hand through his hair, Raizo questioned his sanity. He _could_ have allowed Mika to stay in her apartment, but then he would only be able to watch from afar. On the pro side of it, there would have been more established back up available than simply himself. But no, Mika had made it clear that she didn't want to be parted from him, and that left Raizo little option but to move her. Sitting on the musty, cracked velor upholstered chair, Raizo hung his head, wrapping his hands around the back of his neck. If he had been smart, he would have told Mika to go to Maslow's home, that way Raizo would have been able to have the two of them in one place. With both acting as bait, Raizo was sure the clans would reveal more of their hand, striking when they could hit two for the price of one. And Raizo would be there of course to cancel out the threats, and extract much needed information.

Ninja were notoriously hard to break, but Raizo has done it before. With proper application of torture anyone would eventually shatter. And Raizo was very good at it when he had to be. No, a part of why Raizo acquiesced to Mika's wish to be close to him, was the fact that he wanted more of those touches. At least, from her. To hear Mika's special heart, or to smell the warm perfume of too many chemicals that for some reason weren't so bad when slathered all over her skin. Hissing, shaking his head, Raizo glowered at the floor as though the threadbare brown carpet offended him mortally. What had he been _thinking_? It was simply too late to change the course of his actions, Raizo would have to accept it and any attendant consequences.

After he retrieved Mika, he would have her rest, then take her to his apartment. That meant that he had to obtain a vehicle now. Theft brought unwanted attention, but it was generally not as fast as making a large purchase and paying in cash. Plus theft also meant no long waiting as a fake I.D. was scanned, then recorded. It meant another trip, one farther afield than he had already gone, and Raizo hoped Mika had been smart enough to check into whatever hotel she had chosen to leave her car at. She had a long wait ahead of her before he could go to get her.

With that decision made, Raizo left the hotel picking a random direction. Careful to blend with his surroundings, appearing as nothing more than an average twenty-something out for a walk, Raizo spotted a likely car, a late nineties Volvo. Looked like someone's mom's car. Perfect. And the locks were electric, even better. From a hidden inner pocket of his jacket Raizo pulled a master key, a specialized electronic remote that would open any standard car door that didn't have manual locks. With the side benefit of disarming most alarms as well. It had been painfully expensive, and Raizo had already lost several of them in his years outside of the Ozunu, but they were too useful for him to not keep one on hand. Pulling on a pair of thin gloves before touching the door handle, not wanting to leave any fingerprints behind, Raizo pressed the second button while holding the device to the ignition.

With a soft purr the Volvo started. Sliding the gear into reverse, carefully he backed out, while rolling the windows down. Taking a circuitous, indirect route back to Mika's apartment building, Raizo caught the tantalizing smell of Mika when he was halfway back to her place. Good she had left her own windows down, that made this much easier. It was fortuitous in the extreme, but Raizo wouldn't question it as it was helpful.

Deftly weaving through traffic, Raizo scoped out the hotel Mika had picked. Hotel Palace Berlin, was a hulking white mammoth, fully equipped with stores even by all appearances. Avoiding the valet parking, Raizo exited his pilfered car, locking it down. Casually entering the Palace Berlin, he followed Mika's now much stronger perfume. He found her in the restaurant, eating a large meal. Relieved, Raizo traced her scent up to a room and overrode the electronic controls again using the master key. It had proved it's worth time and again in this day and age of computer locks, so much so that Raizo was almost glad that they were so hard to obtain as only a handful of people were savvy enough to make them. Something like this didn't belong in the hands of common thieves or field agents. At least Raizo had easy access to the original designer of the black market device.

Settling in for a wait, he sat on one of the too comfortable chairs.

XXX

More than three hours later Mika was at the door finally. Some sort of herbal dirt and oil and chemicals hung off of her like a coat, indicating that she had availed herself of whatever spa facilities that were on offer. Hopefully she had enjoyed herself, for no such niceties would be available at their next stop.

"You ate well?" watching as she jumped, the smallest flinch.

"Absolutely stuffed, don't think I could eat another bite," Mika stood there, fidgeting. "What took you so long?"

Not answering, "Have you called Maslow?"

Making a face, "No."

"Then do so, tell him where you are, and that this is where you shall be," picking up the receiver and holding it out.

She almost balked, Raizo could see it, but then did as he said with no fuss, "Okay." Rapidly her fingers picked out keys, tapping them down, "Maslow? Yes, I'm calling, just like you asked."

"...So, you pick a sufficiently swanky place?"

"Oh yeah," head bobbing as she stared up at him, "I'm at the Hotel Palace Berlin. The restaurant serves some decent food. Even went to the spa, got a massage and my hair done."

"...How long will you be there?"

Delicately, measuring, Mika tip-toed around the truth, "I'm booked for a week."

Raizo found it interesting that Mika didn't simply lie, most people usually did. In fact whenever she did so, her body language changed, shifting to obviously extreme discomfort. Was it possible that lying hurt Mika? That was curious indeed. Even skirting the facts appeared to bother her. Very strange, in Raizo's experience most people simply told untruths whenever it suited them, and when they _did_ tell the truth, it was usually twisted to meet their needs. Mika was good enough at being vague, but beyond that she came off as angry and hurt when she spit a falsehood out. For that, Raizo hoped that Maslow didn't notice, or that if he did, he would chalk it up to Mika being upset.

"...Wonderful. Call me tomorrow, check in, and we'll do lunch."

"Ryan, I'm alright, honest," twisting the phone cord around a finger, Raizo did what he had earlier upon her wordless request, but this time on his own, and took her hand in his. The action caused Mika to relax, the muscles of her face easing, "Just a little jumpy. You don't have to do that."

"...Of course I do Mika, so, let's say around two I'll pick you up?"

"That, that sounds good Ryan," more tip-toeing. It was rather admirable.

"...Alright then, you get some rest."

"Bye."

Mika's heart was going quicker than Raizo felt was wise, so he sought to sooth her some, "Very good Mika."

"What now?" wide brown eyes holding his, expectant worry heavy in them.

"Now I will take your things to my car, it is a beige Volvo, and you will go for a walk around the block to digest your dinner. I will pick you up in the vehicle."

"And then?" trepidation radiating outwards in ripples.

Clearly Mika needed more than to just hold his hand, so Raizo tugged her close, "And then we go to the place I have chosen for tonight." Forestalling further questions, "After that we will pass by my building. And after that, we run."

There, he had said it.

Flabbergasted, Mika's jaw dropped, and she pushed away from him enough to see him,"We, we run?"

"We run," nodding the affirmative, not willing to give much more away. "Leave your cell phone here. You won't be needing it."

"Raizo, what about the clans, we can't just up and leave and -" shivering.

Wrapping his arms around her, pressing her head into his chest like she had done to him so many times, "I will take care of it."

"Please tell me you have a plan," her fingers were like clamps where they dug into his sides.

"Of course," giving her a firm squeeze.

But would his plan work? It had to.

The fingers on the back of his neck clued Raizo in to what Mika was going to do. Licking his lips expectantly, Raizo waited, frozen in place. Somehow the strange kissing thing had gone from uncomfortable, slightly repugnant and scary, to something he was willing to allow. Mika could do just about anything she wanted to him, and Raizo would let her. No matter the discomfort, even fear or pain that Mika could cause with these touches, Raizo knew he deserved the bad parts, and not the good. He had proof in his arms, trembling, the anxiety and the torment that rolled off of Mika and how he, her supposed protector, was smashing the last shreds of her normal life when there were other options. So, he deserved it, deserved the sickening flop in his stomach that came, while he waited with nervous anticipation.

Except - it didn't come.

Opening eyes Raizo hadn't noticed he'd closed to Mika examining him. Still the nape of his neck was being caressed, exactly the way it had been when Mika had kissed him before, fingers partially twisted in his hair, moving, rubbing his scalp. Like a new, alien torture Mika continued, that was quickly coupled with the tracing of his cheekbones, brows and nose.

She sniffled, but was otherwise free of tears, "I'm sorry Raizo, I know this makes you uncomfortable, forgive me? But, but may I....?"

Holding her gaze, Raizo leaned down, feeling like a deer stuck in the high beams of an oncoming semi-truck. He had done this on his own before, it wasn't so bad, yet it really was uncomfortable. A riot of information would assault Raizo, foreign stimulation overwhelming his highly developed senses in a flood. Glad that Mika met him half-way, Raizo couldn't do more than that, he couldn't nod, he couldn't say yes, he could only dip his face closer to hers.

Just before her mouth came to his, "You don't have to Raizo."

Raizo felt he did though, because Mika needed it because touch, so much touch, comforted her. It didn't comfort him, it hurt Raizo, made his skin too hot, made it ache until he wanted to grab his flesh and remove it like it were simply just a set of clothes. Yet Raizo craved it. Pushing himself to go the last distance, Raizo kissed Mika, bracing for when Mika would pull his tongue into her mouth. When she made no move to do so, Raizo did it for her, licking at the seam of her lips, which parted willingly with a small sigh that came from her nose. Heart pounding, Raizo clamped down on it, struggling to regulate the pulse while going further. She had licked his tongue before, a move he mimicked with some worry, until Mika did the same.

The world outside of Mika clutched tightly to his body, of her hot, wet mouth under his, faded away. A cold sweat beaded all over Raizo, the only warmth was where Mika touched him. More than just his heart and temperature were affected, but Raizo's flesh as well stirred, creating a tightness in his belly and groin. Parting with a rough groan, Raizo pressed his forehead to Mika's, panting. He had gone farther than he should, and now was paying the price, rebellious body telling him what to do, along with Mika's nuzzling of his face with hers. Buckling far too willingly under the demand his body was giving him, Raizo returned to Mika's mouth, plundering it with force. It was Mika who broke away next, murmuring his name while her lips went to the corner of his jaw sucking a line down the tendons of his neck.

Struggling for air, Raizo hissed when Mika bit his earlobe then licked it. Hot, he was too hot, and then he was cold while the cycle started all over again. Palms itching, Raizo allowed them to wander over Mika's back and hips, which soothed the sensation, but would start up as soon as he stopped stroking her. Whimpering, Raizo needed nothing more than to lay down, to roll around, to do _something_ of which he wasn't sure. So long as Mika remained in his arms while he did whatever it was that would stop the blasted heat and shakes. Locking Mika tight to him one hand on her rump the other flat between her shoulder-blades, Raizo lifted her from the floor only thinking to not let go any time soon. Racked with fiery spasms, Raizo bit his tongue, tucking his face into Mika's neck while her legs scrambled to go around his waist. Shock and surprise brought Raizo to his knees figuratively and physically, catching himself at the last moment in the fall one handed, still supporting Mika.

Blood filled his mouth, then dribbled down his chin, but the taste of copper was distant. That soft, moist, hot part of Mika was tight against the hardness in his jeans. Mika was wrapped around him, hanging from his shoulders and hips, head tipped back eyes closed, her chest heaving. Several times she began to arch against him, rubbing scintillating insanity against his crotch, but would stop almost as soon as she started. Forgetting about the blood, Raizo dipped to kiss Mika's throat, followed quickly by her mouth, crazily hoping she would continue and rub him with her body.

Jerking in his embrace, "Raizo?" Mika yanked his head from her, pulling him back far enough to look at him, "Oh god you're bleeding Raizo."

Swallowing the blood, wiping his chin, "It's nothing."

"This," pushing him so that he rocked back on his heels, sitting in his lap, then gathering a drop of blood from his lips, "is not 'nothing'. Let me see," tugging on his chin.

Obeying, Raizo was shocked by the way he had acted. And the fact that Mika accepted it. Welcomed it even, wanted it.

"Stick that tongue out mister, let me get a look," wiggling his head side to the side, using his chin. Doing as ordered, Mika cursed, a habit that Raizo thought strange for an educated, genteel woman, but was just part of how she was, "Fuck, Raizo, you bit almost clear through your tongue."

Allowing the muscle to return to where it belonged, "It is nothing Mika."

She frowned, then kissed the corner of his mouth, "It hurts me when you hurt Raizo."

"It does not hurt," it didn't, not really, it was an easy pain to disregard as non-existent, "So you do not have to hurt."

She made a little growly noise, raised herself up on her knees, so that his face was level with her chest, pulling him to her, "Stop being so stupidly male." A sharp jab of one of her long fingers poking him on the top of his shoulder, "And I'll stop being so stupidly girly. But," rubbing his cheek over the cloth covered breast, listening to the soothing beat, enveloped in Mika's warmth, "you always make me feel so safe when you touch me Raizo. I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't ask you for it so much. It's too hard on you."

"You're human Mika," something peaked was poking through Mika's shirt, through the layer of the contraption that held her small breasts in place, where his cheek lay.

"Mph, and so are you, it would make life a little easier if you could realize that," the statement held no heat, and she was stroking him again, that soft way that made Raizo forget that there was a world outside of this space. "Or at least if not easier, then maybe it would make your life a little happier."

Make his life happy? Raizo hadn't ever thought of that. Life was not a happy thing, not in his world. In Mika's, yes, happiness was there for some, mostly the ignorant or the kindly naive, not for most. Such a strange concept, 'happiness', Raizo knew the definition, understood the idea behind it, but had never experienced it. At least, not beyond the sound of Mika's heartbeat, the feel of her skin so pliant under his face. It was far more than Raizo ever thought to be given, so he would take it, and any strife it could bring. He was no fool, he knew Mika was smart enough to eventually figure out that he was being selfish, that he was a murderer, that she shouldn't bestow such gentleness upon him. Until that time, he would accept, and when Mika came to her senses, he would stand silent guard from whatever distance he could manage until his life was forfeit.

Carefully helping Mika get to her feet, "It is time Mika. We must go."


	12. Chapter 12

AN: No writing done whatsoever, but there's been much cleaning, thank god for Tanya. I hadta go get her from Longview last week, and hopefully she'll be here a bit longer, but that means with company here I'm not writing like... at all. Still stalled, so if anyone has any ideas, go ahead and message me or something, I could use something to possibly jog my brain. If anyone wansta help, message me and I'll bring them up to speed for where I am currently in the chapters, and where I ultimately plan to go, but sometimes it's the getting there that's the issue.

XXX

Wake Up 12

XXX

Circling in the Volvo, Raizo waited until Mika was far enough away from the hotel before pulling up to a curb. Leaning over, opening the door with a shove, watching passerby with practiced suspicion, only staying idled until Mika was settled. Taking off he joined the flow of traffic, meandering until the tank held a quarter petrol before dropping Mika at their residence for the evening.

"Room thirty-five," handing her the key. "I will be back shortly."

"Shower?"

He should have told her to do it at the other hotel, but he had not been thinking clearly. Setting his jaw, "Yes."

Before he could add 'no soap', "No soap, I remember."

With that she was gone, striding away strongly, which Raizo had to admire. The nervousness was still there, in the little twitch in her lips, the way her eyes had stayed wide as the reality hit her. Mika handed over her belief in him, and it was a sacred object, that he was abusing. Tucking his apprehension away, Raizo parked the car back where he originally obtained it. When the owner would find it, probably having already filed a police report, tank almost empty, alarm armed, no signs of break in – no one would think it had really been stolen. Any police officer worth his or her salt would simply discard the report as false, fine the owner and no one would think to dust for fingerprints.

Moving quickly Raizo entered the hotel, last suitcase in hand, and the last pieces of a plan settling into place. They had a day, two at most, before Maslow would report Mika as missing. Then again, the agent may not report it at all, correctly assuming that Raizo had whisked her away. If Maslow was smart, he would do _nothing_ to alert the powers that be, and subsequently the clans, that Mika was not where she was supposed to be. Raizo wouldn't bet on it, and he wouldn't bet on Mika's life that Maslow was that intelligent. So, they had to leave Berlin, and Germany as fast as they could. Another car would need to be stolen after Mika rested for another hour or three, then they would go to his apartment, pick up his remaining weapons, the large stash of unmarked cash and prepaid credit cards, and he would call one of his contacts in the underworld for a new car. One with false plates, and a supply of passports.

From there, Raizo would take Mika to Eastern Europe, and hide her there, allowing her to do what she did best – dig out information from one of the best criminal syndicate databases that Euro-pol would probably do much to obtain access to. The Czech Republic, a place that held the patina of Western suave, established culture, was still in upheaval, giving footholds for his kind of work. And it was a place that life was still cheap, labor cheaper, and crime brutal. Bringing Mika there, into the den of the world Raizo moved in frequently to get the funds necessary for his feud with Ozunu, was not Raizo's first choice. It was now his only one if he wished to remain by her side to watch over her, rather than maintaining a working distance.

Picking the out of fashion lock to their hotel room, Raizo let it close behind him with a soft click. Mika in a damp towel, relatively dry surprisingly, was huffing on a cigarette, coughing and choking on the smoke that she blew onto the opened suitcase that held her things. Along with that a cheap, stinking antiseptic body spray was being spritzed all over. Raizo would almost consider that overkill, but it was effective overkill.

"I don't know if that is the best thing Mika," holding out his hand for the cigarette, "your left lung was collapsed not that long ago."

Rubbing her chest, "Trust me, I remember. Kinda hard to forget."

Stubbing the cigarette out, "Get some rest Mika, I will wake you in a few hours. Then we will leave."

"Where are we going?" a pair of pink shorts, matching shirt with monkeys and bananas on them were picked out.

Turning his back, "When Maslow reports you as missing, the borders will be watched closely. We have a little time before this happens." Wet thwump of towel hitting floor, "They will monitor your mother's home in Illinois, both for calls, and for your arrival. We will not be going there, and you will not be contacting her either." Behind him, Mika was staring, her eyes boring into his back, "There is a place I can take you Mika. But, you have to trust me."

"I trust you," hands touched his shoulders, a request for him to look at her, "I think, I think you're the _only_ person I can trust fully anymore Raizo." Palms slid over his shoulders and chest, "You shouldn't even bother questioning it. It's just a fact. I trust you."

Unable to maintain her steady gaze, "Rest now."

"What about you? You didn't sleep last night, you only slept a little the night before that, come lay down too," it was neither a demand nor a request, but somewhere betwixt the two. "I could stay on the other side of the bed if you like? You, you don't have to worry about me molesting you."

As though that was the problem. Actually, part of it was. The loss of control earlier, the way Raizo wanted to devour Mika suddenly came back in a rush. There had even been a moment when Raizo thought about biting Mika, about wanting nothing more than to have her be a part of him, to have Mika so far deep inside him she could never leave. And to be inside her, dug in to some space that he never had to leave, could never be forced from.

"Rest now Mika," seating himself on the chair.

It was easier to just tell Mika what to do, to not have to explain anything, Raizo had done enough of it the last few days to last him a lifetime. If he wasn't careful, he would say something foolish, unwise, and damage the tenuous thing that was between them. Mika probably didn't agree, but there were more enemies than just from outside to deal with, there were weak ones that were within striking distance. Like himself.

"Raizo, if you change your mind, you know where the bed is," she analyzed him a moment, then shook out her baby blanket, draping it over him. "You get some rest now too. Even if it's in this crummy chair." She hovered a moment, giving Raizo a clear view down the inside of her shirt, her breasts creating a shadowed valley, as she nipped a quick kiss, "Good night Raizo."

Mika was asleep before Raizo whispered, "Good night Mika," tugging her 'silky' blanket up to his nose and inhaling the perfume that no amount of smoke and inexpensive rubbing alcohol based spray could ever mask.

XXX

An hour later, Raizo was sitting on the edge of the bed, Mika having rolled towards him, and curled instinctively forward. Disheveled, one hand was tucked under her chin in a fist, the other hanging half off the bed. There was something strangely fascinating to her. Raizo had never seen a black woman until he traveled the world, there had been an older black male trainee, several years ahead of him at the Ozunu compound, but no females. Many of the women Raizo had come across had hair like Mika's, others had much closer cropped styles, haloing their heads in tight curls, while still others wore it braided tight to their skulls and some wore them in thick ropes, while others had hair that stood some distance from their skulls. He wasn't sure why that was so, or how they got their hair like that in the first place, his hair was always the same, it never changed other than length. Curiously, Raizo stroked one of the sculpted spirals, soft with a chemical smell that she should have washed out, that had slipped out from the scarf she wore on her head, a few of them framing her face. When Mika didn't stir from the light touch, Raizo was emboldened to explore further. Pressing the tips of his fingers over the area close to her scalp, he was surprised by the springy softness.

It was a good way to describe Mika herself, not just her hair. For a long while, Raizo sat there, quietly touching Mika, hoping she wouldn't awaken. Her skin was smooth, satiny compared to the taut stiffness of his, which had more to do with her being female he surmised than anything else. Skin was simply that – skin. How or why Raizo thought there could be a possibility that it was something else, he wasn't sure, only that the way Mika's flesh felt beneath his hand was far silkier than the blanket that shared the same description.

Midnight came and went, and still Raizo stared. Mika had done the same thing to him when he drowsed listening to her heartbeat, which for whatever reason had made him relax more at the time. But Mika didn't have his awareness, couldn't know he was right there, watching her like this. At least, Raizo hoped not. What she would make of it, what she made of anything, Raizo was uncertain. Her facial expressions were hard to read, yet obvious. Raizo simply didn't have a reference for most of them, perhaps he should look into the study of facial muscles that some thought was quackery, and others akin to mind reading. It may prove useful to have such knowledge on his side when dealing with Mika. As for dealing with others, Raizo knew all he needed – threatening, tense, uncertain, and fear were the most easily identified through watching the hands and listening to their hearts.

When Mika turned onto her back, Raizo's hand was on her neck, but the motion re-situated it on one of her breasts. Filling his palm, the same thing that had been poking his cheek now touched his palm. Without thought Raizo squeezed the mound, surprised by this too. This was not like the muscle of his chest, in fact, Raizo could identify nothing to compare it to. It was simply _soft_. That was the only word for Mika that came to mind repeatedly, soft. But Raizo well knew that there was a ribbon of steel, more than a ribbon, that ran the length of Mika.

"Mmm, you keep touchin' me like that," sleep-slurred, Mika's hand flailed for his thigh, giving it a squeeze, "and I may ask you to touch me more than that."

Where she was rhythmically squeezing was precariously close to his manhood which twitched in response, "It is time to go," removing his hand from her chest, then hers from his thigh.

Sleepily Mika blinked up at him, "You're the boss."

She stretched languidly, then rolled around on the bed, stretching even more, sheets slithering down her back and hips. Raizo hadn't moved, letting Mika take her time. Planting her face into a pillow, bottom in the air, on her knees she grumbled, before snuffling and throwing him a look.

Hands in his lap while she pushed a curl to the side, "God, I'm tired. You have _got_ to be exhausted."

"I'll sleep when I must," shrugging. "You may sleep during the drive."

"Mph, no, I get carsick that way," arching her back as she sat up, "Did you pack any of my hair stuff?"

In her bathroom there had been an incomprehensible clutter of bottle after bottle, all of it bearing heavy signature scent marks, "Some. The stuff that smells like vanilla, and the stuff that smells like chocolate wax."

"Chocolate wax?" Mika's nose wrinkled, "You mean my cocoa butter? Well at least I've got that. What about my flat iron?"  
"You don't need it," not understanding Mika's obsession with goop and tools.

Plunking down, legs crossed, "Actually yes, I do. How do you think I keep my hair like this?" pointing to her head. "Heat, relaxers, god, Raizo if you knew the hell I go through to have hair like this, you'd shit a brick." A yawn broke through her amendment, "Or maybe not, but you'd question my sanity. And I'm lucky, mine's more manageable than some. I knew this girl back at Georgetown, she spent almost a thousand dollars on her hair a month."

Making a face, Raizo was incredulous, "No one spends that much on something so simple."

"Oh yes they do," leaning until she was on her hands and knees, treating Raizo to an even clearer view of cleavage than she had earlier in the night, "Mom does, and millions of other women do too. So if we're going anywhere and you don't want to see me go crazy trying to control my hair, I need a flat iron. A _good_ one. Either that or I may just wind up looking like Don King and Kramer had a freakish Frankenstein love child." She tapped him between the eyes with her knuckles, "And since you so conveniently forgot to pack my flat iron, let alone my hair stuff - "

"We will purchase anything you need on the road Mika," Raizo could have pointed out that she should have packed her own bag in advance, the way he had warned her to, or not had the break down, leaving him to do it for her. But he didn't, because this was a small thing, "Make a list and it will be taken care of."

She rocked forward until her face was near his, "I really only need the flat iron for now. The cocoa butter can double as a conditioner for as long as it has to."

Raizo thought that now would be a good time to be better at reading Mika, "You should get dressed."

"So, did you have fun?" not moving, Mika was seeing straight through him.

Looking away, Raizo didn't answer directly, "You seemed to sleep well."

"Hmmhmm I did, but I woke up to a hand on my boob, and there was this strange man beside me," teasing, that's what that emotion was, "maybe that's why I slept so good. But I wonder, did that mysterious man like what he was doing?"

"Mika," warning when her chin came to rest on his shoulder, her breath hot near his neck.

"Well, I sure hoped he had fun, because I liked waking up like that," finally she pulled away, scooting off the bed, kicking the covers to the floor before finding something to wear. "I just hope next time he does more than mess up my hair and give me a little one handed squeeze. And," she got dressed quickly out of his line of sight, "I hope that there is a next time, and that he knows that if he wants anything, back rubs, hugs – whatever, that he can have them."


	13. Chapter 13

:coughs embarassedly: I currently have _no_ computer at all. Haven't for a few months actually, since shortly after I came home from Spain. At this moment I'm usin' my boyfriend's lappy but it's hard to get access to it most of the time, cuz when he's not at work he is therefor here. Using said electronic device. And when hes' at work I am usually working on the house. (It's summer and all that, this is Texas and there's lots of fire ants, weeds, lawn watering, lawn care, general house care – and no, mom is still not pulling any of her fair share – not even throwing away napkins! Etc on my plate). Plus I have absolutely no money of my own to replace/fix my old laptop. Hell I even had to have Phil pay my phone bill this month, and I am so not a person who accepts help very well. Whenever he wants to go out, he of course pays (as I mentioned the no money of my own thing) but I am used to being the one who pays. It's a bit... galling. But at the same time I am grateful that I have someone that wonderful and dependable. He's my own Raizo – sans all the fucked up crap – as he's majorly into martial arts (muy thai mostly and some wu shu with a very strong tai chi background – hey he's ABC, which means American Born Chinese – and from San Francisco to boot) and in the Army, so he's my very own little ass kicking (yes he is actually quite little, he's like 120lbs and that's ...only a little more than half of what I weigh... but at least he's six inches taller than me. Unless I'm wearing shoes and since I'm short all my shoes have four to six inch heels which... negates his extra hegith. Poo.) snuggly sweet man. But that is neither nor there as what I'm basically saying is: I have no computer at all basically. There are tons of reviews I need to reply to, there is tons I need to write in general (my book ideas have been beating my brain now for weeks, and I'm on the verge of actually asking Phill to just buy me a laptop already, which he keeps offering but I never tell him which one I want... and hes' smart enough to know that I'm a technophile and very picky about my electronics so he won't just go out and pick one for me), and I feel like I'm going absol-fuckin'-lutely insane without the ability to write my ideas down. I can't write by hand – can't hold a pen for more than two minutes without having my hand lock up and me screaming as a result – and trying to have someone transcribe what I'm saying doesn't work too well either. I just draw blanks. So. Yes. No computer. That would be why things are as they are at the moment. I do have quite a few chapters after this written, it's just getting to a time when I can use this computer. Oh great, now Phil's reading over my shoulder and getting after me about being obstinate, but I'm a prideful sort. Rather cut my nose off than ask for help. Bull-headed, one hundred percent typical Aries. Can't help it.

XXX

Wake Up 13

XXX

Mika didn't dare ask where Raizo had gotten the new car, but she knew. Like the Volvo of last night, it had electronic doors and windows, but wasn't new enough to have GPS installed. The navy leather interior was comfortably smoothed down with age and use, cushioning her fatigued body. Raizo was apparently determined to keep going until he dropped despite her repeated offers to drive. He was right, her body simply wasn't ready to cope with the stress it was being put through, the way he carefully made sure she ate, took her antibiotics that were meant to stave off any infection from the operation to repair her lung and vessels, the steroids to strengthen the muscles and surrounding tissues or the vicodin to ease the pain, was probably the only reason she wasn't even more wreaked.

Tarmac drifted by under the wheels of the BMW in the predawn light, Raizo sitting relaxed at the wheel, the only sign of tension was in his mouth and eyes. Mika knew what he looked like when truly comfortable and at ease, and the tight lines that were barely perceptible was exactly the same as when he had been tied up held in the warehouse. For all the exterior serenity, he had his tells. Deciding that now was probably not a good time to bother Raizo with questions, Mika scooted around seeking a better position for the drive.

"Yes Mika," voice crackling through the quiet car granting her permission.

"Do you like music?"

Head cocked, "I do not listen to it."

"So, you don't like music?"

Eyes slid briefly over to her before going back to the road, "I do not listen to it, I do not have an opinion either way."

"Not at all? Not even a teeny bit?" prodding.

She really didn't want to fall asleep she was already feeling queasy from simply being the passenger. There was a reason why she preferred to drive. Driving was for women, not for men. Mika had a theory that the reason more women got carsick was because men couldn't drive, and it's was God's insurance that women would fight to be able to do the driving most times. So, Raizo was going to be used to keep her awake so that she didn't pass out and wake up puking, and to prevent herself from ralphing all over the interior now, she was going to have to bug him. Which Mika didn't really want to do, because a tense, probably tired Raizo wasn't going to provide much in the way of conversation.

"No."

Well there went that idea, trying another, "What about chocolate? Do you like chocolate at least? I mean all men like chocolate, Ryan would probably whore himself and beg for someone to call him 'Betty' for a tanker full of it..."

He sighed, the sort that said he was doing his best to remain patient, "Is there something you need Mika?" making it clear in no uncertain terms he wasn't in the mood to speak at all.

"No," unsuccessfully Mika struggled with a yawn, her jaw popping, "no, I'm just a little queasy."

The window beside her rolled down, his hand fiddling with one of the controls, "Breathe slowly, and lean forward. Fresh air will help."

Fresh air did help some, but it didn't really distract her. Earlier they had stopped at an older apartment building, and Raizo had left her in the car as it idled in park then he came back some fifteen minutes later with a stuffed messenger bag over his shoulder and what looked like a cello case. Mika was fairly sure Raizo didn't have a cello in there, but it was about the right size to hold all sorts of weapons. With that and no backward glance they left Berlin.

So now, on the road, heading south and slightly east, they were making for the border. Mika wasn't certain where Raizo intended on going, but it appeared that they were heading for the Czech Republic. It was the closest border in the direction they were going and the only one Mika could come up with.

Having slipped accidentally into a fitful doze, Mika woke to the car having stopped. Straightening up she looked out the window, the couple street signs she saw were still in German. Confused, there was no sign of Raizo.

Almost ready to get out, Raizo appeared, leaning over the passenger window, hands braced on the roof, "We change cars now." He opened the door for her, handing over a greasy package that was heavy with the smell of onions, "Eat."

With that little bit of direction imparted, Raizo began unloading the car and toting their things to a dull silver sedan, another Volvo, but much newer than the one from last night. From the way it sat on its wheels, Mika could tell the engine was loaded for bear. Feeling like a useless lump, Mika took it upon herself to grab one of the bags, but a sharp look from Raizo stilled her actions. He had had no sleep, no food that she knew of, had driven, and was now taking care of _everything_. Frankly, it annoyed Mika. Opening doors, fine. Buying dinner or lunch, fine. Doing for her what she couldn't do for herself, in his words, – somewhat fine. But doing _everything_ was not fine.

Grumbling, parking her butt against the BMW's hood she tore into the contents of what Raizo had given her. Inside was a sauerkraut and onion laden sausage – not bratwurst – with a couple baby potatoes on the side. Either that was all he had found nearby, or Raizo simply had figured out that anything greasy would make Mika quite happy. Or possibly he was just trying to pack some poundage on her to replace what she had lost.

Mumbling around a mouthful, "You do realize I'm not an invalid, right? I can do some stuff for myself. Just no running, no jogging, no butt kicking, and no aerobic workouts for five weeks."

"Come on," was Raizo's only response.

Forgetting for a moment Raizo's hearing, "And no fucking anyone I want to either. Damn."

Wandering to the powder silver car, Mika plunked down with ill grace. The tension had gotten thicker, with Raizo leaning heavily towards ignoring Mika completely, and Mika becoming bored with being ignored. Which, thinking about it, almost made sense. After the way Raizo had nearly eaten her alive at the Hotel Palace Berlin, he may need to gain some sort of distance. Mika just didn't want him to, and the silent, command laden treatment wasn't to her taste at all. If she thought he'd get the reference, Mika would've taunted him with a 'yessah massah' like Mami from Gone With the Wind for an answer to his next barked order. So, Mika slouched, in silence, arms crossed staring out the windshield. Any move she made would be rebuffed – for conversation, let alone any sort of touch. In the confines of the car, there wasn't much Mika could do about it that wouldn't either cause an accident or make Raizo withdraw further.

Rubbing at the tender spot over her breast, a habit that had quickly formed, Mika paused. This morning, in the early hours, Raizo had touched her, had sat over her stroking her while she couldn't do anything to spur him to further action. His large hand had been heavy, but gentle, curious but not quite shy.

"You had someone in mind, like, Maslow?" expressionless, the question not casual.

Tensing, Mika looked over at Raizo, "What?"

"For your aerobic workout," and Mika finally noticed that never had she heard Raizo swear. Growl, hiss, say something under his breath that _may_ be a curse in some foreign language, but no _actual_ cursing.

Was he _stupid_ or something? Looking at Raizo like he'd grown a second head – if she had wanted Ryan, why in the _hell_ would she let Raizo kiss and paw at her like in the hotel? Or why would she seek his caresses, why would she hold him? Why would she ask him to crawl into bed with her repeatedly? Could it honestly be that he was that obtuse, or did he want her to humiliate herself by flat out throwing herself at him?

"Ugh," making a sound of utter disgust, supremely cross.

Falling quiet once more Raizo left her alone. Again. How much more clear did Mika have to be? And how rude to ask her if she wanted Maslow. Ryan was married for Christ's sake. That not only took him off the menu, but made it so that while Mika found Ryan attractive in a powerful older man fashion, she would never make a move, think about making a move, or reciprocate if one was made on her. Raizo had to at least know _that_.

"As soon as this blows over," both of his hands were gripping the wheel, "you will be able to return to him."

That was enough. Tired, irritable, feeling ignored, and now insulted, Mika turned to face Raizo in her seat. Feeling the flush of anger ratchet up her blood pressure, her mouth hung open, incredulous, and despite the discomfort that originated from straining vessels, Mika wasn't going to bother calming down. Mika didn't have words for it. No wait, she did.

Sucking in a deep breath, "First off – your question was not only impolite, but hurtful. Second off – I'm not obligated to answer it. Thirdly, if you're so unobservant as to not be able to see the forest for the trees, then you should go hit your head until the lose screws in it wiggle back into place!" The car swerved with no warning, Raizo jerking the wheel to the side, throwing Mika into the door, and she scrabbled to brace herself, "_Fuck Raizo!_ What the hell is wrong with you?" and then they were on the side of the highway, the sudden pull off scaring Mika. Clutching her chest, "Raizo, you better start talking, and quick or I swear I'm going to slug you for being an ass."

Knuckles white on the wheel, "Sorry Mika. I must be fatigued, my mind," tendons jumped in his neck, "is on many things. Perhaps, you should drive."

It was sudden, uncalled for, and out of character. Heart rate slowing down, back pressed to the door, Mika simply stared. Comprehension dawned. And she _really_ wished new answers to the Raizo dilemma wouldn't always come after an argument, or strong words were thrown. He was jealous, on top of confused.

Squinting, "Why would you think I'd want Maslow?"

"He wants you," the very suggestion was absurd.

Barking out a short laugh, "You're joking. Maslow? Want _me?_" Shaking her head, Mika snorted, "Anne was a model for years, and designs clothing now. She's still one of the most beautiful, inside and out, women I've ever known."

"I am aware of his marital status," with measured graceful violence, Raizo jerked his door open.

"Alright," climbing from her side of the car, walking over to Raizo, who was glaring at the passing cars, "chew on this then Raizo. I'm in the car with you, on the run, do pretty much whatever you tell me to, kiss you, hold you, ask to be held by you, all while going to some place I don't know, leaving everything I _do_ know behind."

"Why would you do that?" where had those questions, those assumptions come from?

Raizo was acting like a loose cannon, so far outside his norm, that Mika was worried for him. Ever since the kiss, ever since he had had to summon the strength to not hump her into the ground, or let her hump him into the ground, Mika couldn't really say which was which, Raizo had been.... different. Stiff, formal. Bossy. It hadn't even been twenty-four hours. He was acting like an ignorant child.

Brought up short, perhaps, she needed to be more direct, because that's sort of what he was – as ignorant as a child, if not more so, "Raizo I'm here with you because I want to be. Yes, I'd like to be safe, I'd like the other clans to be taken down. But right here is where I want to be."

Hands shoved down into his pockets, thumbs hooked over the fold, "We're going to Prague," as if that was a valid response.

"Okay," spreading her hands out, "like I said Raizo, I trust you, I'm here with you. I don't know what else to do or say to show you that. But, if you come up with something, let me know. Because this pissy Raizo that's appeared isn't the one I know very well." Not that she actually knew Raizo all that well.... "And I miss the nice one." When he didn't move or say anything, "Well, if you've got some directions to wherever we're going in Prague, I can drive Raizo. You could catch an hour or more of sleep. It may do you some good."

He still didn't look at her, "No, I can drive."

"Well you said you were fatigued Raizo, which I'd have to agree with. I know you act like you're Superman," gravel crunched under her shoes, "and to me, you pretty much are, but you're still a man. I can drive, honest. Just tell me where to go, I could wake you up when the signs say we're near Prague." Sidling up to him, Mika hooked her arm through his, "Go on, please? Meditate or whatever it is you do Raizo. Let whatever's on your mind settle into place. You can tell me about it if you like, or whatever you think is best. But just give yourself a little time to figure it out, and to rest. You don't have to do everything all the time. I'm here to help, and not just as bait."

Finally Raizo looked down at her sideways, "In Prague you won't be bait."

"Okay, well whatever I'll be in Prague doesn't matter right now Raizo, getting to Prague does," hugging his arm, Mika slid her hand down partially into his pocket, searching for his fingers to give them a stroke, "I'm guessing that you want to get somewhere safe before the Euro-pol agents start checking all the border crossings, fairly quickly, so come on," pulling gently, "you sleep while I drive."


	14. Chapter 14

AN: …..Man I have no excuse other than writer's block, no lappy, getting' married (quite suddenly :shrug: what can I say? I can plan real quickly if given a reason to), and moving. Still in the process of it, but Phil wanted me away from the Geriatric Quad (Quintet if you count mom), and since he's Army he can't live off post unless he's married. So we did _that_ on the fly. Nice place, even has a garden bathtub which I wallowed happily in this afternoon after all that heavy lifting of the last two days. Still have some more of that lifting and lots and lots of putting stuff away and settling in. And then? Then he and I can finally get putties! YAY! CIVILISED CREATURES! Woot! And after we recoup on the money spent from the move and wedding I can have my very own laptop once more.

Thank Fuckin' GAWD.

So to hold ya'll over I'll post some more of the already written stuff. Which I still wound up havin' to dig for in my email. Thank goodness I save emails and found the copy of the chappies I sent to Cbarkins.

Also as I'm rereading (for the umpteenth time) this story from the beginning, I seem to have noticed something. Raizo talks all Yoda-y. Except in proper word orders. But it sure seems Yoda-y to me.

XXX

Wake Up 14

XXX

Mika didn't particularly like manuals. Well that wasn't exactly true. She just didn't like non-American muscle cars that were manuals. There was something about driving her father's old '69 Chevelle that made her happy, the connection to her father aside. But the Volvo wasn't half bad. The clutch was too close to the break, cramping Mika's legs close together which was it's only major drawback. They were nearing Prague and it was nearly time to wake Raizo. Hesitant to actually do so, Mika delayed until the sign that said they would be in Prague in five kilometers.

Reaching out, Mika rubbed Raizo's tummy in wide circles, "Hey Supe-baby, time to wakey-wakey."

"Take the third exit and go left at the light," eyes still closed. "There will be a petrol station, at which you will pull over."

Mika had to stretch, but she shifted so that she could maintain the stomach rubbing until she needed to downshift. Beneath her palm, the ridges of Raizo's stomach at first stood in stark relief before easing. Good, at least he wasn't being that withdrawn again. Earlier had been frightening, his face utterly blank, so unlike Raizo, that Mika wanted nothing more at that moment than to find a hole, drag in an unlimited amount of supplies and zip it shut with she and Raizo inside, blocking out everyone so she could take care of him.

Raizo may not be expressive in the normal sense, but if one paid attention Raizo would give many things away. While he would never be an open book, there was much that Mika could pick up on. If she were patient. Which, Mika wasn't, she was tenacious, but most definitely not patient. It was a struggle, because Mika could see all these things that Raizo needed, and she wanted to do for him, but if she just came out and did them he would only shut down. So far he had surprised Mika with how much he allowed, which she thought he may justify through the logic that it was meeting her needs and desires rather than his own.

Disappointed when she reached the gas station, Mika parked. She would have to find a way to touch Raizo in a non-invasive way when he took over. When he was stretched out and drowsy rubbing his stomach was all well and good, but driving, Raizo would need to pay attention to the road. So long she was sitting there mulling it over that Raizo had exited and come around the Volvo to open her door.

"Mika?"

"Hmm?" head popping up, eyes refocusing.

Tilting his head, "Time to switch."

"Oh," swinging her legs out the door, Mika remained seated, "Raizo?"

"Yes Mika," when he said it like that, it was like Raizo was only saying 'I'm here Mika.'

She kind of liked that.

Steeling her resolve, "When we get wherever we're going, can we lay down for a little while?" Clarifying, "Both of us."

"I will have things that must be done," shifting uncomfortably, Raizo stepped back allowing her to have the room to leave the car.

Poorly hiding her disappointment, "Will you lay down with me soon, so I can hold you?"

Raizo didn't say anything. It wasn't a flat out no, probably as much of a 'maybe' as she was going to get. Maybe Raizo just needed to examine her when she wasn't paying attention like he had last night. When she couldn't incite the heat she received in the Palace Berlin. Sighing, hoping not to sound forlorn, Mika buckled up.

"When it is safe," the concession coming as a surprise, "before I take my rest. Then you may do as you wish."

XXX

"Mr. Langdon, it's been some time," English heavily accented, clear gray eyes stared out of a sallow, dissipated face. "And you have a friend," ascetically thin, and not terribly tall, brownish-blond and balding, he looked like he was in his forties, but was probably younger. "And such a lovely looking friend," sucking hard on a cigarette, the tip glowed, "I am Alois, since Mr. Langdon is short on words."

Raizo spoke before Mika could, "Everything is in order?"

"Ah," another harsh drag reduced the cigarette leaving a precariously hanging line of ash, "of course. You'll be wanting to watch out for your new neighbors. I've had noise complaints. But," shrugging, "what can I do? I'm just a simple building manager."

One of Raizo's eyebrows bounced up, "Is there a problem you wish me to look into?"

"Ah, ah," shaking his head emphatically, "no. The last time was enough. It is just, their television – it is too loud. And the husband and wife fight often. The usual."

Raizo grunted, then went up the stairs, forcing Mika to follow. Which she did, the way Alois had looked at her made her skin crawl, like she was some exotic animal in a zoo. Most of the places in Europe Mika had been in, she had been fortunate that blacks weren't completely uncommon, but the Czech Republic even with it's border jutting up against Germany, was more backward than she had a desire to think about. It was why Ryan had cautioned her against going by herself the one time she mentioned wanting to see some of the cathedrals and castles in Prague. He had warned her that the white slave trade was very active, and that someone like her would be very tempting. So Mika had canceled her trip, upset that something so stupid as that would keep her from a place steeped in history with beautiful scenery.

In Germany, Spain, France and the UK it hadn't even been an issue, she had forgotten she wasn't viewed just like everyone else to others, no one in Berlin even noticed, and hell she _was_ just like everyone else. Part o f why Mika had stayed in Europe had been because there hadn't been any strange looks, or if there were any, they were simply because they thought her attractive, nothing more. How must Raizo feel, who was so clearly Asian that there was no way to hide it if he wanted to, and they were probably even more rare around these parts.

After all white slavery wasn't limited to only women.

The cello case was set down, resting on the wall beside the green door, as Raizo pulled out his keys. This place was almost a tenement, it couldn't be up to code and smelled of turpentine and mildew, once white washed walls a faded gray, with dark brackish brown stains near the corners of the ceilings, and dusty, cracked windows in the halls. Some crime boss probably kept the residents locked in a perpetual cycle where this was their only option, and reaped a killing off of each flat by cutting corners. Door unlocked, Raizo entered then motioned for her to follow.

Inside it was pitch black, and Mika almost stumbled, catching herself at the last moment. Hardwood floors clicked under her shoes, and then she was shocked by what the single hanging light bulb reveled of the apartment as it flickered on.

A bed, shoved off into the corner, with sterile white linens but abundant pillows, and bare amenities for the kitchen, two sets of doors that might be closets and a bathroom, otherwise the place was barren, stark blue walls almost black in the dimness that the single bulb couldn't dispel.

"Make a list of what you want, and I will give it to Alois," Raizo was behind her, having locked the door and set his own burdens down.

"How do you live like this?" blurting without intending to. Waving a hand, "Raizo, what do you do here?"

He shrugged, "Sleep. Eat. Bathe. Train."

"But," shaking her head, uncomprehending, "but how do you _live_? It's so, empty."

Cello case opening with a snap when Raizo squatted, "I travel light."

Mika was about to shoot off at the mouth again, until she saw the contents of the case. Inside there were two swords, but beside them, broken down into several pieces was a sniper rifle. It was the sort used by the military when taking out distant enemies. Or in assassinations. Not only that but there were implements that could have came out of Torquemada's dungeon. Glancing up she realized Raizo had been watching her, expression veiled.

She didn't say anything, she couldn't summon up a single word to say. Not at all. But she desperately did want to know what to say, anything would do. All Mika could do was stand there frozen, looking over thumbscrews, rifle sights, boxes of ammunition and dully shiny blades.

He wasn't justifying it, "I use what I know," it was merely an explanation.

"The warrants are real," a sinking feeling in her stomach.

"No," removing the weapons and tucking them into hideaways that came right out of a spy movie, modified drawers, loose floorboards, and even a flip out section at the foot of one wall. "They are not. I cover my tracks too well."

It was an almost open admission. He was the same as the Ozunu, an assassin, who killed whenever there was pay. The bottom dropped out of Mika's world, and her knees failed. Plunked on the floor, Mika stared, not quite sure how she had gotten there. Above her Raizo stood, a towering figure in this position, making Mika feel very tiny and insignificant. Head tipping back, eyes wide, Mika drew her legs up, knees close to her chin, arms wrapped around her shins. She wanted her Daddy suddenly.

"Write down a list of what you need, it will be stocked," it was the same low rumble it always was. Head cocking, the black shag of his hair swaying with the motion, "What sort of computer do you prefer for your research? I will obtain it later while you rest."

Mika still couldn't bring herself to say anything. What had she thought Raizo did for a living? Why hadn't she thought about it? And why was he turning away? Lunging forward, Mika caught hold of his ankle and hung on tight.

Muscles and tendons bunched under her grip, shifted, then Raizo was turned partially back towards her, "Yes Mika."

'I'm here Mika.'

Scooting closer, Mika wrapped herself around his leg, pressing her face in the vicinity of his knee. It was broad and hard, the way an athletic man's often was. Ryan had been right, Raizo was a murderer, and worse a torturer. Mika had to find a way to justify it, maybe the only targets Raizo took were bad people. But honestly, Mika knew Raizo was expedient. He would take whatever paid.

"It's just a job," quivering, tremulous, "it's just a job, right? Like, like being a trash guy, or-or the guy who does dishes. You're just the guy who," shivering, "who takes out a different kind of trash, washes a different sort of dish clean. It's just a job..."

"No," resigned, "it is my life. It is what I know. It is," a finger brushed one of her curls aside, "what works." Raizo leaned down, leery of touching her she thought, "Do not justify it or make it clean Mika. You can't, not and stay yourself."

Mika didn't want to cry, she wanted to scream. Mainly at herself for having ignored the warnings, the signs. Scrunching her eyes closed, Mika pressed her face even tighter into Raizo's leg, and without realizing it bit down to strangle back the shrieks of pain. This was like how she would feel if she found out her father had been crooked, or if Maslow had sold Raizo out to the clans. Not betrayed, but hurt right down to the root of her soul.

Overhead, Raizo didn't even react to what had to be painful, other than to touch her cheek, "Lay down, I will go get whatever you require Mika.

Croaking, "No. No."

"What?" muted shock obvious.

"Don't, don't go, please don't go," the words barely intelligible to her ears around the mouthful of denim.

"As you wish," starting to straighten up, remaining in place otherwise.

Stretching out a hand, Mika tugged on his jacket, "No." Going to her knees, Mika used Raizo like a rope ladder to climb to her feet, "No."

He stood there, stoically, "No what, Mika?"

"No, you-you can't pull away like that, I," scrabbling at his shoulders, Mika wrapped a leg around one of his, wanting to crawl up him, "I-I don't know."

"I'm here Mika," that basso rumble, the timbre, it was still the same, saying clearly what he normally did in veiled terms. Exactly the same. He was no different than he had been ten minutes ago.

Clawing at his shoulders now, Mika hopped, and Raizo caught her, "Hold me," wrapping her legs around his waist. "Hold me," weak, Mika thought her heart had stopped. It felt like it. She felt so cold. "Hold me tight," hands thrust into his hair, forcing his head back, "don't let go."

Raizo's only reaction was to do as she begged him to. Corded muscle flexed under her bottom, a hand planted there to provide support, nothing more, and an arm about her waist, keeping her pressed close. The word that wanted to pop out of Mika's mouth was 'monster', and it almost did.

If Raizo was a monster, then it wasn't because he made himself that way. That skirted dangerously close to the sanitizing he warned her about. Mika's heart was screaming 'liar' at Raizo too, not because of the weapons of his trade, or the very fact of what he traded in, but because Mika would still be herself if she used logic to wipe the title away.

"Lay, please, lay," shaking.

Again her garbled request was instantly honored. Why was he doing this? He looked like he was taking all of her reaction in, memorizing it. Why? The bed whispered against their clothes, and Raizo lay down, taking Mika with him. Shifting her legs so that he wouldn't lie on them, Mika watched him watch her.

"What do you wish of me?" he sounded remorseful, ready to do whatever she wanted.

Mika wasn't sure what she wanted him to do, other than what he was, "Just hold me tight. Really, just hold me tight as you can."

Scooting down so she could tuck her face into the side of his neck, Mika didn't let go of him either. Pieces started to slowly click into place. Raizo had avoided telling her anything about himself. Avoided giving her any factual information. And now, they were here, in Prague, and she was a captive audience. Then he hadn't even told her flat out, only shown her. He had shut down, withdrawn, it wasn't the incident at the hotel, it was this that caused it. On top of that, Raizo expected her to reject it, reject him, or to try and polish the tarnish off of what he did.

"You don't listen to music," whispering, nose smashed into the corner of his jaw. "You don't have an opinion on anything almost. You avoid everything, all signs of living."

Raizo didn't reply but he did respond, one broad palm began rubbing circles in her back, like she had done to his stomach. Did he even know he was doing it? The gesture provided a needed anchor, giving Mika further strength to draw on.

"You stay withdrawn, you don't talk except for the absolute minimum, if you think anything, feel anything," Mika's death grip loosening, "you keep it bottled up and tucked so deep inside that few would know that anything's there but a blank slate."

He turned his chin so that the small amount of stubble on it scrapped Mika's forehead, "It is how I am."

"No, it is how you survived," raising herself on her elbows, "you don't even know who you are Raizo. Are you a ninja? An assassin? A man? My friend? Or, are you all of that and more? You don't know. You don't know how to put all of it together." Forging ahead, seeing she had his full attention, "You deny yourself a home when it's offered. You hover at the fringe, drawn to and afraid of friendship, companionship."

"You're here," stating simple fact, one of his weaker attempts at deflection.

"Yes, I am," strength pushed aside the shock. If Mika had only let herself think about this before, if only she had any time to think about it before, everything always seemed to happen so fast with Raizo, "And even then you still tried to separate yourself. Why? Is it some kind of punishment you wreak on yourself to prove that you're... you're what? What do you want to prove to yourself Raizo?"

Swallowing audibly, "Pain breeds weakness. Weakness compels strength. Pain exists because there is weakness. I am... weak."

'I'm in pain.'

"Why?" genuinely curious. "Because you're human? Not perfect?"

"I have..." visibly Raizo struggled, then ground the word out with obvious cost to himself, "desires," he was clearly not talking about simple physical ones either, but deeper needs and wants.

Frowning Mika sat up, while Raizo made no move to shift or change position, "You're human. Everyone has desires. Everyone, everything has a heart."

Beneath her Raizo jerked, flinched like she had thrown boiling water on him, a full recoil of his upper body. Except Raizo didn't try to get away. Expression agonized, Raizo's arm came up to cover his face, leaving only the underside of his jaw visible.

"I... shouldn't," his voice sounded wet and strained, like something that could possibly be tears were waiting in the wings, "I do not... deserve to have one."

Smacking the center of his chest once, "So you set yourself up for pain? Because you think you don't deserve to have feelings? You're a masochist, but you don't seem to get that you're not hurting just yourself but you're hurting me too." Grabbing his wrist, Mika tugged at the arm that kept her from seeing his face, "Okay, so you're an assassin. You kill people. I don't like it, but I like you. That leaves me in a moral quandary Raizo, and dammit, stop trying to hide!" He was resisting, going so far to even place his other arm over his head, "Raizo so help me God, I will start trying to find out if you're ticklish, and if that doesn't work I'm going to have to do something drastic. Like yank your pants down or something. I'll think of what I'll do when I have to. So stop it!" Finally he relented, and Mika framed his cheeks gently, "Now look at me. Open those beautiful slanted eyes of yours and look at me." He made a tiny sound, lids scrunching tighter, "Raizo, stop being a baby and look at me."

"I am not ticklish, and I do not advise yanking my pants down," but at least he was looking at her.

Mika hadn't been about to do anything with Raizo's pants, but he didn't know that. Besides this was serious, so she ignored him, "Now, what should I do about my problem and yours Raizo? I don't know. I'm upset, not at you so much as myself. I mean, c'mon, what sort of job would give you enough money and flexibility to go after Ozunu that you knew how to do? Logic would dictate that you'd use what you know."

"I said that already," his voice was still thick, and very off.

"Shush, I'm talking," laying a finger over his lips, "and then I will ask for your thoughts after I'm done, and you're going to tell me them. The clans aren't the only enemy out there, you know." Raizo looked like he was about to speak, but thought better of it. Nodding once, "You're an assassin, it's bad. But it's what you know. And you knew that I'd have a bad reaction, so you thought that maybe I would beat you up for it. Okay, I find the idea of killing people... repugnant. But I've seen you do it, right in front of me, multiple times. I've even shot at people, again, something I don't like. But I did it. Does that make me bad?" When he didn't say anything, "That wasn't a rhetorical question Raizo."

Shifting, "No. You did what you had to."

"That's right, I did what I had to," preternatural calm had settled into Mika's bones, she had come to her decision, now she just needed to convince Raizo that it was a good one. "Chances are, I may have to shoot at people, maybe even kill them, at some point. If I hadn't made you swallow the tracker, then a whole bunch of people wouldn't have died. Soldiers died, and ninja too – because of what I did. A whole lot of people died. I may not have pulled triggers, or sliced and diced anyone directly, but I'm responsible for their deaths."

Snapping, adamant, Raizo half sat up, "No you're not. Ozunu is, the founders of the clans are. Not you."

"Really? What about the people in cartels that got killed in take downs because of information I found for Ryan?" poking him. "Again, people died because of something I did indirectly."

Now Raizo was growling flat out, a strange sound that stopped almost as soon as it started, "Not your fault. They should have known better than to be in gangs."

Rolling off of Raizo, Mika tucked herself into his side, "What about the ninja? Did they chose to become ninja? Or did the clans chose it for them?"

Shrugging, "The clans kidnapped them."

"They had no choice then, now did they?" digging deeper, leading Raizo in the direction she wanted him to go.

He snorted, "Of course not."

"Did you choose to become a ninja Raizo?"

Clearly perturbed, "No. But it isn't the same."

"Yes it is, don't be stupid," laying her head back on his shoulder, Mika slipped a hand underneath his shirt to stroke the line of scars on his stomach. "How is it different Raizo? You were a child, taken, and made into a ninja. You left somehow, and decided to go after Ozunu for your own reasons. Of course, you made the choice of going after Ozunu, but if you hadn't and you went to try and be a 'normal' person, what would you have done? Ozunu would have found you, and you would be dead. And they would keep killing and kidnapping. You chose life, or at the least survival." Air filled and exited Raizo's lungs at irregular intervals, his heart stopping and restarting in a stutter, "I'm glad you chose to live. I'm glad you're holding me, and I'm glad you're listening. But, I'm not sure if you're hearing me Raizo." Skin was warm beneath her hand, and Mika slid her hand up higher under his shirt until it rested over his heart, "If I could offer you a way to live after the clans are gone that didn't involve killing for money, would you consider it?"

Nothing further was said, and Mika gave him time to digest it. Eventually Raizo moved onto his side, the arm she was laying on curling protectively around her, and his free hand pressing hers tight to his heart. It wasn't exactly an answer, and there was still heavy doubt in Raizo's face and in her own mind. For now, it was enough.


	15. Chapter 15

AN: Of course Raizo gets weapons, he's a ninja. But ninja were also used for espionage, meaning spy stuff. Yay. Mika's got a 007 complex of some sort, she goes for those spy-guy types without realizing it. So, what ninja is complete without some crazy person making weapons for them (either the nice classic weapons, or some kind of fucked up shuriken gun, which no, I'm not going to do...), and what spy movie is complete without a Q harping about gadgets?

Since Raizo is both killer and sometime spy, he needs gadgets. Like the master key one that disarms car doors and alarms and starts them up. Now, who makes those gadgets? You got it, a gadget guy. I'm not sure if I'm going to like Stanislov, but so far he's like a mix between the Engineer from Simon R. Green's Eddie Drood books, Lord Nikon and the Matt Lillard character 'Cereal Killer' from Hackers. Back then, Matt Lillard was so weirdo cute to my fifteen year old self. Now, he just looks old... **sigh** gravity takes it's toll.

Also I have found up to chapter 20 on this, yay for portable harddrives, but I'm currently active in another fandom at the moment and rather heavily into it. I have some stuff to finish for the Dragon Age stories (two or three shorts and I want at to get at least a few more chapters of A Murder of Crows for that fandom finished) before I'll have time to really look over all of this. But ya'll have been so patient, and I've got so many reviews for it (as well as faves and alerts... holy poop, way more per chapter than almost any other fandom I've been party to) that to leave ya'll just hanging all the time... isn't fair.

Unbeta'd, all mistakes are my own fubars.

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Wake Up 15

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"Stanislov," bypassing the trips, traps, and sensors, Raizo waited in shadow, calling out to the technophile.

Young, pasty, but healthy looking otherwise, shoulder length dirty blond hair flew as the youth jumped, "Who's there?" A hand went to the gun that sat beside his elbow, "Where are you?"

Raizo stepped out, relaxed, "Stanislov, I need one of your computers."

"Raizo, you have got to quit doing that man," an exaggeratedly American accent, learned from too many movies, "I was about to put one in you." He stopped, having noticed what Raizo said, "What happened to the last one?"

"Broke," shrugging, Raizo came around the table, sparing a glance to some of the circuitry that was currently being dismantled.

"Broke, broke? You broke Annabell?" unfolding his spidery-surfer frame, arms waving, "How'd you break her? Where is she? Did you at least bring her back to Papa for a proper burial?"

Arms crossed, Raizo just looked at him, "Against someone's head. And I did not have time to retrieve the remnants."

Moaning, he flopped back into his chair, arms and legs splayed, "Ohhh my poor Annabell! And now you want one of her sisters? That's gonna cost ya man."

Bringing his messenger bag forward, Raizo dipped in, pulling out a roll of cash, "Desktop not laptop. Satellite capable. Whatever sorts of ISP address blockers that are most current."

"Oh you want a beast huh? Alrighty then," perking up, Stanislov ignored the money, scooting the chair along on it's wheels, "I can manage that. Snappity snap. Gimme three days, I've got a backlog of gizmos goin' and then you'll get Annabell's big brother."

Something incomprehensible that involved chocolate spread, cereal and half a cup of sugar was done, and Stanislov began consuming it at an alarming rate, "You should eat actual food. That, is pure sugar."

The youth could be considered a regular contact, always reliable so long as quantities of money were involved and electronics. In the streets a few years ago, Raizo had stumbled upon him being beaten for no clear reason by one of his targets. When the deed was done, his target dead, Stanislov had been barely alive. Raizo had debated killing the then late teens boy, but decided not to, as he had only been in the wrong place at the wrong time. And from there a strange acquaintance had formed. Still new to the world outside the Ozunu, Raizo had never used a computer before, nor saw the reason for them. It was a notion that Stanislov had worked hard to disabuse Raizo of.

"Yeah, sugar, simple carbs amigo, so my body doesn't hafta break 'em down, get me man?" wolfing the bowl down, not bothering with milk except to drink from the jug. "The four basic food groups of the Stan-Man, sugar, sugar, Coke, and cheese puffs."

About to leave, satisfied that the computer for Mika would be acceptable, he stopped, "The computer is for a companion."

That grabbed Stanislov's attention, "You work solo, like the Mariachi I thought."

"She will be looking into some," searching for the correct word, "deeply hidden information and trails. They have much security guarding the data. Make sure the computer is capable of covering itself. Whatever software you think is best, install."

"For the next target? I'm hurt," standing for a stretch, "I thought I was your go-to guy." Then he laughed, "I bet she's hot, but that doesn't mean you should let her play in the big boys yard."

Defending Mika, "She knows what she's doing."

Stanislov 'hmphed', "This I have got to see. Can I meet her? Do a little 'meet and greet' of the fellow mind?"

"I'll think about it," letting himself out of the house.

That taken care of, Raizo turned his feet in the direction of Gabek's region of Prague. Halfway there someone began following him. Good, Raizo had thought that it was about time for this to come. Casually he slipped a hand inside his jacket, checking his chain dagger's ties. A populated street wasn't the place he wished to have this confrontation, so in preparation, Raizo pulled a needle from their hiding spot in his belt buckle, and dipped it into one of the reservoirs that held various toxins secreted in the clasp. All it looked like he had been doing was normal gestures, regular body language compared to those walking along, ignorant of his presence.

Ahead there would be tightly wound streets, narrow alleys, that would open into plazas teeming with pedestrians and tourists. If the person following him didn't attack in one of the side alleys, Raizo could dispatch him or her with a prick after blending with the flow of foot traffic. Meandering, taking his time through a particularly dim, and empty alleyway, Raizo felt the prickle of warning as footsteps slowed behind him.

They resumed and Raizo dropped the needle as not needed, now was as good a time as any. In a rapid flash he spun on his heel, chain dagger falling into his waiting hand with usual speed. And like that a gun went off, the silencer muffling the noise. Metal slithered through Raizo's palms, twisting as he twirled the chain, the heavy dagger at the end providing the heft necessary for good aim. The assailant wasn't prepared beyond the first shot, and Raizo took advantage of the surprise on the man's face, flinging the dagger into his chest, while flipping forward to wrap the chain around his neck, finishing him with a grunt.

Blood shot out of the mortal wound, and the man's body didn't even thrash, the broken neck ensuring no sound and no further movement. Carefully Raizo bent down, retrieving his dagger, making sure that none of the mess got on his clothes. Hadn't Yuri's gang learned not to send a man with a gun after him after all these years? Yuri was still a thorn in his side, and Raizo probably should do something about it, but it was better to have the devil you knew how to anticipate rather than a replacement enemy who's moves you didn't know.

Wiping down the dagger Raizo replaced it in it's spot, and continued to Gabek's. Raizo would need to gain more funds to be sure he had a sufficient cushion, and it was never a good idea to remain unaware of the current lay of the land. Gabek was a source for both information and work, a friendly looking man, who appeared to be best suited to being someone's father than master of a Russian cell of gang interlopers. Czechnian mafias didn't take kindly to Gabek's presence, but so far had been unable to dislodge him, the backing he received from Moscow's syndicates too powerful to risk angering them by declaring outright war.

A nondescript bakery stood on a corner, whitewashed brick, with a cheery green awning advertising itself as 'Olde World Bread'. Pushing the red door open, the little brass bell heralding his presence. There was a woman at the counter, the glass case stuffed with all manner of pastry, and the smell of baking bread filled the air with warm yeasty comfort. But under it, Raizo could still catch the tang of blood and bodily excretions.

He knew better than to eat anything with mincemeat in it.

"What can I get for you?"

Usually Raizo wouldn't even look at what was on offer, he wasn't interested in any of it. But Mika may like something sweet, she could probably use it, "That," pointing to something with glazed fruit, slathered in honey, "And to speak with Gabek. Tell him his shadow's here."

The woman nodded her understanding, and thrust the pastry at him, "Yes sir." She disappeared into the back, then came out a few moments later, "He'll see you now."

"Alois said you may be stopping by," shirtsleeves rolled up, sweat shining on his face, wrist deep in dough, "you've been gone a long time Langdon. Five months, and in Berlin no less. Been hanging around some Euro-pol agents."

"Old family business," standing well back, while Gabek cut off a ball of dough and slapped it back and forth in his hands, a light dust of flour filling the air. "It's done now."

Gabek was silent but for his grunts while he pounded the dough. Raizo could imagine Gabek doing the same to a person's face easily enough. It was probably why he did it.

Stopping his work, wiping hands on his white apron, "So I take you want some work then."

"Close by, nothing far," agreeing.

"Nothing much has been going on inside Prague lately, but I'll see what I can come up with," a clear dismissal.

Nodding once, "I'll check back later then."


	16. Chapter 16

AN: And because I couldn't find the fleshed out version of chapter 15, I'm also posting 16.  
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Wake Up 16  
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"Mr. Langdon!" Alois cried as Raizo entered his building. "I have some of those things you requested, but I didn't want to bother your lady friend, so I have them here." The building manager always sat at the bottom of the stairs, the small foyer functioning as his office, a beaten desk with a phone on it beside a leather ledger the only proof of his title, "I don't think she likes me much." Three very large white shopping bags were plunked atop the desk, "Would you like me to help you with these?"

Knowing Alois wanted to get another look at Mika, "I can manage." Taking hold of the handles, "When will the next items be in?"

"Tomorrow, in the afternoon." He leaned forward, intent, hands on the desk, "Where do you think I could find a girl like that? The going rate is good..."

"She'll shoot you before I can kill you. And if she does not, then I will make you wish she had," warning the man off, "It is in your interests that nothing unfortunate happens, or it is you I will be visiting first," and then Raizo left him sitting there. Alois had had the misfortune of having to clean up one of the apartments after sending Raizo in to take care of the tenant, and so knew exactly what Raizo could do.

Lugging the small box with the sweet from Gabek's and the three bags up five flights of stairs, Raizo was still not ready to return to Mika. He had no choice though, he had put it off as long as he could get away with. Inside he could hear Mika splashing in the tub, and smell the faint chocolate of melted cocoa butter, it's use incomprehensible. Facing her was not something that could be prevented, and the brave smile she gave him before he left earlier had caused a pain that Raizo couldn't identify.

And despite his efforts, Mika had justified his profession to herself. It was a step in a direction Raizo didn't want Mika to go, he wanted her to stay pure. That was why he guarded her, why he had wanted to keep her close. If he could keep her clean, perhaps it would remove some of the tarnish on his own soul. But he knew that bringing her with him would eventually lead to her being presented with irrefutable proof of his sins. Allowing her to see his CZ 700S had been an impulse decision and Mika's response initially had been exactly what he expected.

Leaning against the door frame, Raizo closed his eyes, still waiting outside, unable to take the last step to open the door. Raizo had waited for her to recoil, waited for her to shiver and back away. He had even tried to make it easier, to separate himself. But Mika had instead reached out, snatching away the chance to let her heal. This was for her, he couldn't blend with her world, he just couldn't.

He didn't deserve the chance.

Blanking his mind, Raizo entered the apartment, the wall heaters had been turned on, to remove the moist chill from the air. The bathroom doors were opened wide, the ancient claw footed tub held Mika, her hair piled high atop her head, shoulders bare and visible over the lip of the tub. Casting his gaze in the opposite direction, Raizo set the bags down, and went to the counter placing the box there.

"Some of the things you wanted are here," Raizo decided later he would tell Alois to add a screen for Mika to change behind to the order of a desk, and a comfortable chair.

"Towels?" water slithered over Mika's skin, Raizo could hear it caressing her body as she shifted around. "I'm wrinkled as a prune, I was hoping you'd get back soon, otherwise I was going to have to use one of the sheets to dry off."

Putting on the kettle to boil, "There is also some sort of bread thing, I hope you like it."

The conversation felt stilted, and Raizo kicked himself. Speaking was not his strong point, Mika usually did enough of it for both of them. She had lain with him, her soft touches had come near to unmanning Raizo, the willing accession, her forceful assertions that he was merely Raizo and wasn't any different than he had been before she acknowledged what he was, it was too much. Raizo couldn't deal with it, didn't want to believe it. Mika hadn't taken no for an answer, demanding that he stay, that he allow her to hold him close and to be held in turn.

Drain disengaged, water sloshed, "About that towel, it's kinda chilly being all wet and in the open."

"A moment," steeling himself, Raizo had to root around in the bags until he hit upon terrycloth. Grasping it, and his dignity, Raizo went to the bathroom, keeping his eyes locked on the floor, holding the prize out, "Here."

The motion of her rising from the bath caused him to snap his gaze up, and he caught sight of more bare female skin than he had seen in his entire life added up. Droplets of water shone like jewels, lending Mika an unreal air like an idol of some goddess in a temple. His overall impression was of creamy dark skin, and Raizo found himself unable to look away, hypnotized. Dark brown nubs stood at attention on high breasts, rounded shoulders flowed down into her long arms, which were moving, taking the towel from his lax grip. Short tight curls lay flat in a small triangle between her thighs, revealing nothing the way a man's body would.

"You can keep looking, but I'm going to dry off Raizo," goose pimples were little dots littering Mika's flesh, her words shattering the spell when she shivered fiercely.

Raizo thought she would be embarrassed, he knew he certainly was mortified by his actions. Yet she hadn't seemed to mind, letting him see his fill as she rubbed the towel over her thighs, then her torso before wrapping it tight around herself. Her cheeks were that deep, dusky rose again, and Raizo thought for a moment she would reach for him, would tangle her hands in his hair. That would have pushed him to the brink, and what little control he had would have snapped. Glad that Mika didn't reach for more than his shoulder as she stepped free of the porcelain behemoth for balance, Raizo held still. Anything else and he would grab for her himself, and violate her trust, which must still be fragile no matter her earlier words. Not trusting his voice, Raizo trailed after Mika as she padded straight to the kitchen, shunning clothing for now.

She lifted the box lid and tore off two chunks, presenting him with one, "You keep feeding me, but I don't know if you feed yourself. So, eat."

"I'm fine," picking the kettle up and pouring the boiling water into tea pot, sprinkling a hefty amount of leaves into it, giving the leaves time to steep.

A much smaller piece was held up to his lips, "I don't care if you're 'fine' Raizo. Eat it." The heat of her body was close, Mika was standing as near to him as she could, only a few millimeters separating her from him, "I won't eat if you don't."

Relenting, Raizo moved to take it, but instead Mika shoved the confection against his lips, forcing him to open his mouth. Along with the pastry, the tips of Mika's fingers entered his mouth, stroking the inside of his lip on the way out. Not tasting the sugary sweetness, Raizo could only think of the citrus-salt of her essence that he had sucked off of them. Tensing he looked at Mika as her tongue came out to remove any of the sticky honey that was on them from the sweet, focusing on her own morsel. She must have felt his scrutiny, because she paused in mid-lick, eyes meeting his.

Face dipping, Mika tore off another bite sized piece, holding it up to him again, "You like it?"

Raizo wondered if Mika was even remotely aware of what she was doing to him. One minute he was resolved, sure of what he was doing, the next she broke him down with words or touches, countering everything he thought was real. He felt like little more than a pendulum that's chain was held in her nimble fingers, swung back and forth, like she was using him for some sort of divination.

"Mika -" before he could complete the thought, she pushed the second bite into his mouth.

This went on, her eating a piece, licking her fingers clean, then giving him one, until the honey-fruit loaf was half gone. Not once Raizo could actually taste anything, it was only the memory of Mika's juices that flooded his mouth with saliva. Why that was Raizo didn't know, nor did he particularly care while Mika would glance up then away, only to look back into his eyes. A strange sensation, similar to what he felt in Berlin, but the burn was slow. It kept Raizo from moving, from protesting, or from saying he didn't want any of the sliced strawberry that topped the bread being fed to him. And he found himself hoping that Mika would kiss him, would want that again even after what she found out.

That yanked him back to reality with harsh cruelty like a slap upside the head, or canes on the soles of his feet.

"If you are thirsty," stepping back seeking to switch her attention and his to something else, "you will have to boil the tap water to make it fit to drink."

"I'm not thirsty," she reached for him, and Raizo wanted to run. He didn't know what he would do if she touched him, and she was still so delicate, wounded from the disabused vision she had of him, "I just want to be held."

She said that so often, that she wanted him to hold her, to hold him, to not let go. Was there nothing more in her world, in her desires than to hold him and be held? No one was that simple. Her fingers hooked into one of his belt loops, drawing him close, closing the last inches that separated them. That horrible ache, it was centered in the vicinity of his groin and his heart, even his lips were joining on the action, similar to the way his hands had the one time his control slipped.

Running purely on willpower, Raizo enfolded Mika in his arms, refusing to give into the urge. Later, much later, Raizo would have to seek release as a preventative measure. Rough orange terrycloth met his palms, still damp from wicking away the residue of Mika's bath, further reminding Raizo of Mika's near naked state. And the vision of her bare body hit him like a bullet to a distant target's head.

"You're shaking," hands snaked under his jacket, stroking, "are you alright?"

Knowing he should say 'yes' Raizo found his head shaking in the negative, "No."

She leaned her head back, staying pressed tight to him, "Is there anything I can do?"

Rolling his lips inwards, Raizo bit down, as the only way to stop himself from saying 'yes', from leaning down and capturing her mouth with his. A mad thought of ripping the towel from her body, and licking and nipping her from head to toe and back up again forced a deep groan from him. Shuffling, Raizo sought to push Mika away, to hold her at arms-length. Raizo needed distance now. It didn't succeed, except to make Mika stumble into him, the material falling some with the motion.

"Raizo?" And then she was stroking his cheek, his jaw, "Raizo, tell me what you need."

Heart thundering in his head, throbbing heat filled Raizo's body, madness tinging the edge of his vision. Everything narrowed down to Mika, to her lips moving as she spoke. To the top of a partially bared breast, and a beast roared inside Raizo. Taking her shoulders firmly in his hands as the last shreds of his control shattered, Raizo dipped down, thrusting his tongue into her mouth, past her lips, cutting off whatever Mika was saying. He couldn't hear it anyway, not over the rushing in his head.

He shouldn't be doing this, he shouldn't be simply taking. Not from Mika. But he was utterly powerless, while he tugged the towel from around her, it landed with no more than a whisper. Mika tilted her head to the side, pulling away from his mouth, but that didn't matter either, and Raizo found his lips going the length of her neck, before he bit down on the juncture of shoulder and neck. What had been a sigh turned into a whimper, her throat vibrating, and Raizo felt air on his stomach as she caressed him, lifting his shirt partially.

This time when Raizo picked Mika up, he was almost prepared for her legs wrapping around him. He had even planned on it, rather than hoisting her up from her waist, he bent and grabbed her thighs, leaving Mika little choice but to hold him like that. Strong thighs locked down, bringing that secret hidden place flush with what was straining in his jeans.

Moist, hot lips touched the shell of his ear, "Take me to bed."

[REDACTED]

Mika made a satisfied hum, "Mmm, was that so bad?" she was leaning over him, nuzzling at his face.

Unable to say anything, neither agreement nor disagreement, Raizo wrapped his arms around her, pressing his face into her chest. It had hurt, and it had felt wonderful. Frightening and uncontrolled. Shaking like a leaf, Raizo hung onto Mika like she was the only real thing in the world. This must be what she felt like when she held him so tight, like he was anchoring her to reality, just as the peaceful pace of her heartbeat held him here.


	17. Chapter 17

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Wake Up 17  
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Mika had inot/i intended on pretty much forcing oral sex on Raizo. It had just... happened. Then again, Raizo did basically attack her, making Mika feel like a tiny creature being consumed by a much larger one. That was the second time something had happened where he went wild, was it any wonder she had reciprocated? Still, it made Mika feel horribly guilty, she was for all intents and purposes the 'adult' in this situation. So that made her doubly responsible for her actions. When she had touched his penis he had seemed so ashamed, he had wanted to hide it from her, to hide his arousal.

As though it was really something to be ashamed of.

How could she explain that it was natural, normal, and most certainly not something to be ashamed of? He easily accepted that her pleasure was normal, but not his own. Now that was unnatural. And stupid. Mika found herself wishing she could resurrect Ozunu and disembowel him. Very slowly, because that old asshole deserved it and far worse.

Raizo was currently draped over her, and his weight felt good, like it belonged there. One black denim clad thigh was carelessly thrown over hers, his position mirroring how she usually lay over him. Smiling, allowing the soft image to distract her from thoughts of vengeance on deserving monsters, Mika started massaging the many knots on his shoulders.

"Mika?" his voice was small, shy.

Pushing her thumbs into a particularly nasty knot, "Hmm?"

"I'm sorry," whispering, "I shouldn't have let you see my weakness."

Stopping, Mika picked up his chin, urging him to look into her face, to see her expression, "Weakness? Oh that most certainly wasn't weakness. Why would you think that Raizo? And if it was, why would I have wanted to see it? To touch you there, to suck you?" Shaking her head, kissing Raizo between his short fuzzy eyebrows, "I liked doing that for you, I want to do it again, any time you want me to. I want you to touch me here," rubbing against his leg, "I want to make you feel good, and I want you to make me feel good. It's normal, natural, it's not weakness." Amending, "But as much as I want that, I only want it if you do too. Really, I'm the one who should be sorry."

Raizo frowned up at her, "No."

"Yes," tracing his lips, "I should have stopped when it was clear you weren't comfortable. It was wrong of me to do that. Not the part where I used my mouth on you Raizo, but the fact that you had asked me to stop and I didn't honor it. That's my fault, and that was wrong."

His frown deepened, "You wanted to do that?"

"Yes," confiding, "I've been thinking about it a long time. About what you may feel like inside me, about how soft your skin may be. About what you'd feel like laying atop me, buried as far as you could go."

Muscles in his jaw worked, lips trying to form words Mika thought, "You want that? With... me? Even after..." he could no longer hold her gaze, and looked away, "you know what I am Mika. I'm not fit, I'm weak. I'm... bloody."

Sighing, Mika cuddled him closer, "You're you, and I know how you treat me. You treat me good, you're wonderful to me Raizo. You've been shut out from the world for so long, and yet you're so good to me. That doesn't speak of a bad person, it says to me that you're much more than a simple... job description." Hoping to reassure him, "If we were to set what you do for a living aside, and I only took into consideration how you treat me, how you work so hard to keep me safe, to keep me whole – not just in body, but in mind – what do you think I would see? I'd see a man, a good one. One who makes me feel... all sorts of things. One I'd like to be close to. I mean, of course it helps that you're attractive, but I think you could look like a pug and I'd still want you. Well, maybe not a pug, but something so ugly it's cute." It took some work, but Mika wiggled down, so that Raizo's head wasn't on her shoulder, so they could be face to face, "What I want ultimately Raizo is for you to be happy, and for me to be happy. And yes, I want very badly to have you as close as I can physically get you, but I'm afraid of taking advantage of you. Like I did earlier." Laying a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth, "It would probably be pretty easy too. All I would have to do is touch you until you were overwhelmed, and then I could have you in me, moving over me. But, I'm scared that it would hurt you Raizo. That it would hurt you in here," tapping his temple, "and here," over his heart. "Not physically, but it could be an abuse of trust. And I don't want to do that to you ever."

He shook his head, his expression disbelieving, "You couldn't abuse me." Raizo continued, and his logic was staggering, "And if you could, it is no less than I deserve."

Mika wanted to throttle Raizo, just a little bit, he was being stupid. Not that she didn't understand in theory, "You do not deserve to be abused Raizo. You've had enough of that in your life. No more. Not with me." Taking his head in her hands, leaning up until his eyes almost crossed, "I would never hurt you on purpose Raizo. You have done nothing to earn that, not after what I think was done to you. If I'm anywhere near the truth, if I've got anything figured out about you so far, the life you led – the dehumanization, the abuse, the programming – that was more than enough pain for ten people's lifetimes. You've suffered enough Raizo. I can't make it go away, I can't wipe the slate clean for you. But I can be here, all it takes is you letting me."

"Why?" uncomprehending, "Why would you want to? I have hurt people, I have maimed, I have killed, I have tortured. All things you abhor. And yet you want to stay by me?" Raizo sat up, and Mika let him, copying the move, "Because I protect you? Because I've killed to keep you safe?"

Laying a hand on his knee, "Some of it's that. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't." Thinking about how to put it, "Some of it is not the fact that you killed for me Raizo, but the fact that you were willing to go to great lengths for me. For me the person. You didn't have to, as soon as you were through using me as bait, you could have gone on your way, never mind the consequences to me. But you didn't." Drawing one of the sheets around herself, not because she was uncomfortable being naked with Raizo, but because she could see that it was distracting him if the way he licked his lips unconsciously, eyes drifting over her from time to time, was any indication, "And some of it is the physical. I'm a healthy female, you're a healthy male, biology can take over sometimes. Another part of it is because I just..." Searching, Mika couldn't find the exact words, none that were fully accurate, "Because you make me feel peaceful. Calm. When you kiss me, when you touch me, if it had been someone else, my pulse would be galloping like a horse. But with you, I feel comforted. Happy. Like things are right in my world, no matter how crazy they are in actuality. Holding you is like being wrapped up in front of a fireplace while there's ten feet of snow outside, a cup of hot cocoa in hand. At the same time, it does drive me crazy because I just don't know what to do with you sometimes. I don't know how to get through. I want to know you, what you like to do, I want to be with you and do those things – go for walks, watch movies, you know. Be human together."

Raizo mulled that over for a long time before replying, "What do you want me to do?"

Holding in a growl of frustration, "I want you to hear me. I want you to know that I'm not going to reject you out of hand." Smacking a fist in her palm, "You let me see that big gun of yours on purpose, didn't you? You were so sure I'd be mad at you. And I am Raizo. But not because of you being an assassin, but because you wanted to make a self-fulfilling prophecy where you were denied even basic human comforts and contact. You tried to use me as a tool to beat yourself up with."

This had to be the most honest conversation Mika had ever had with another human being. And Mika could see Raizo trying hard to grasp it, even if he couldn't completely understand it. Which was more than she could hope for, and was a good start.

"It seemed best," he pushed both hands through his hair, tugging at it, "to keep you separate from me so that I could keep you safe. To give you space, so that you would not be stuck here, in my world. You don't belong here, it is a bad place."

Disappointed, "So you won't think about working with the agency? Or something else? Maybe, maybe you could become an instructor of some sort after all this. You do have options. You don't have to stay here either. If it's such a bad place, then it's not fit for you either."

"I know nothing else," shrugging, resigned. "It is what I do."

Not willing to push, Mika wasn't going to let go of it entirely either, "Well, whatever you decide, I'm still sticking to you like white on rice as long as you let me." Gesturing, "In fact, that's what I really want you to do – is let me try to show you more. To show you what you deserve, and to show you that I want to be where you are. That you have a home, wherever I go, that you have a place there, that you're a part of me, and I want to be a part of you. It's your choice to take it or not, but I want you to try and let me give that to you."

"I will," Raizo sucked his bottom lip, something Mika was noticing him do more and more, particularly when he was nervous, "try. I can't promise more. But I will try."

Relieved, Mika held her arms open, "And that's all I ask. So, could um, would you like to be held some more?"

He swallowed, hands fidgeting in his lap, "It is unwise."

Letting them drop, "Why?"

"I will touch you," fingers drummed on his leg, "I will touch you and I do not know if I can stop after I start. Not," Raizo's look pinned Mika in place, "not when I know what you want of me. Knowing that you would not... stop me."

Melting under the heat those words contained, "Dr. Asako said I had to wait until I healed more. But, if we took it slow - "

"There was nothing slow about earlier," Raizo had a definite point.

Squirming, "Mmm, then maybe we could make a deal."

"What sort of deal?" the velvet of Raizo's voice had been thickening, his gaze becoming sharper, and Mika wondered if he could tell she was getting wet.

Suddenly Mika felt shy, like she was the one who was inexperienced, "Touching only, with hands," clarifying, "and kissing."

Mika found herself on her back, all that kept Raizo from her was the very thin sheet. It did little to keep the warmth of Raizo's body from her, and Mika arched, as Raizo kissed her with abandon. He was propped up on his forearms, the ends of his hair tickling her cheeks. The thickness of his tongue as it licked and swirled around hers was almost as satisfying as sex, the pleasure that filled Mika's senses far outpacing anything her hands could coax from her body. Every time Raizo touched her like this, like he was a dying man gasping for air, Mika buckled under the onslaught. Add to that the weight of him between her thighs, his abdomen and hips tightly pressed to her, and Mika was going crazy.

Breaking away, Raizo's mouth so demanding, Mika couldn't take it, she had to make noise. Mika wasn't usually one to be all that loud, but under the current circumstances, she could be forgiven. Her legs stroked Raizo's, her foot was shoving a pant leg up, rubbing at the back of a muscled calf with the sole.

Raizo huffed a chuckle into her ear, "That's not a hand."

Moaning, "So?" Yanking on his pants, wanting him to get rid of the offending barrier, "Off, take these off." Craning her neck, Mika held one side of his face, and sucked at a spot just below his ear, "I want to see you, to touch you."

Muscles flexed, raising Raizo off of her, his actions contrary to his words, "You shouldn't."

"But I do," saying it with conviction, and hoping to divest him of his pants before he changed his mind, Mika wriggled so she could better reach, yanking the denim down his narrow hips, she giggled, "Show me yours and I'll show you mine."

Raizo apparently took it to heart, rolling away from her and kicked his legs free of his trousers, then reached for the edges of her sheet, unwrapping her. He was kneeling, and when Mika moved to sit up, he planted a hand on her shoulder, pressing her back down. His eyes were locked on her body as he parted the sheet, revealing her to his gaze slowly. Feeling like she was an oversized present, Mika lay back letting him take the lead. While her heart was probably going faster, and for more time than it should, Mika felt no pain, she wasn't even aware of anything past the light in Raizo's eyes.

He sat back, inspecting his work once she was bare, palm running from her belly to hip, hovering over her femininity, "You're beautiful."

Glad for the fact that blushes were at least somewhat masked by her coloring, "You're not half bad yourself."

"May...?" still not touching her sex.

Mika nodded, reaching down to open herself, but again, Raizo stopped her, "Raizo?"

"Let me, I'm the opener of difficult things anyway," which made Mika laugh outright, and Raizo almost smiled back, a crooked tip to his lips.

[REDACTED]

"Please," he embraced her tightly, even though the thick weight twitched in her grip, and Raizo's voice resembled nothing so much as a growl,"I... I can't."

Saddened, Mika stopped, "Okay. Please let me know if you change your mind, because I really liked doing that for you."

He nodded, tucking his face into her shoulder, his hold tightening, "I will." A hint of promise, "Later, I just need... some time."


End file.
